Have you ever screamed into a pillow to let out frustration? It might sound unusual, but this simple act is one of many powerful strategies we explore on our latest episode to help maintain mental equilibrium in today's frantic world. Alongside me is Rebecca Jackson, whose personal anecdotes about anger management through kickboxing and spin classes are as enlightening as they are inspiring. Our conversation unravels the importance of physical activity in emotional health and uncovers the ways in which we can create safe spaces for emotional release, teaching us and our children to navigate the complex realm of feelings.
Embarking on a journey through the maze of personal growth, we tackle the cognitive load that accompanies change and the necessity for gratitude and self-reflection. Engaging with comparisons such as the brain's resource allocation to a budget, we illuminate the strategies that aid in cementing new habits, all while respecting our mental bandwidth. Listeners will gain an understanding of how to navigate the challenges of altering established routines and the celebration of small victories that make the process more rewarding. Moreover, we touch on the delicate balance needed to manage children's technology use and its impact on their attention and behaviour.
Wrapping up with a heartening reminder, we invite you to be gentle with yourself as you maneuver the ebbs and flows of life. This episode is a call to action for extending kindness not just to others but to ourselves in the relentless pursuit of personal evolution. So, extend an olive branch to your psyche as you join us in this candid and transformative discussion. If you're intrigued by the conversation and seeking more personalized insights, I welcome you to join the conversation on social media or reach out for a discovery call. Let's navigate our paths toward healing and growth together. Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast's intention is to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create spaces of healing.
Find out more about Rebecca Jackson
https://drrebeccajackson.com/
Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast's intention is to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create spaces of healing.
I appreciate you, the listener, for tuning in and my guest for sharing.
Our website
Https://.LiftOneself.com
Find more conversations on our Social Media pages
www.facebook.com/liftoneself
www.instagram.com/liftoneself
Music by prazkhanal
Remember to be kind to yourself.
Have you ever screamed into a pillow to let out frustration? It might sound unusual, but this simple act is one of many powerful strategies we explore on our latest episode to help maintain mental equilibrium in today's frantic world. Alongside me is Rebecca Jackson, whose personal anecdotes about anger management through kickboxing and spin classes are as enlightening as they are inspiring. Our conversation unravels the importance of physical activity in emotional health and uncovers the ways in which we can create safe spaces for emotional release, teaching us and our children to navigate the complex realm of feelings.
Embarking on a journey through the maze of personal growth, we tackle the cognitive load that accompanies change and the necessity for gratitude and self-reflection. Engaging with comparisons such as the brain's resource allocation to a budget, we illuminate the strategies that aid in cementing new habits, all while respecting our mental bandwidth. Listeners will gain an understanding of how to navigate the challenges of altering established routines and the celebration of small victories that make the process more rewarding. Moreover, we touch on the delicate balance needed to manage children's technology use and its impact on their attention and behaviour.
Wrapping up with a heartening reminder, we invite you to be gentle with yourself as you maneuver the ebbs and flows of life. This episode is a call to action for extending kindness not just to others but to ourselves in the relentless pursuit of personal evolution. So, extend an olive branch to your psyche as you join us in this candid and transformative discussion. If you're intrigued by the conversation and seeking more personalized insights, I welcome you to join the conversation on social media or reach out for a discovery call. Let's navigate our paths toward healing and growth together. Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast's intention is to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create spaces of healing.
Find out more about Rebecca Jackson
https://drrebeccajackson.com/
Remember, the strongest thing you can do for yourself is to ask for help.
Please help us grow by subscribing to and sharing the Lift OneSelf podcast with others.
The podcast's intention is to dissolve the stigmas around Mental Health and create spaces of healing.
I appreciate you, the listener, for tuning in and my guest for sharing.
Our website
Https://.LiftOneself.com
Find more conversations on our Social Media pages
www.facebook.com/liftoneself
www.instagram.com/liftoneself
Music by prazkhanal
Remember to be kind to yourself.
Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast. Rebecca, I am so thankful you're here with me.
Speaker 3:I'm thrilled to be here and I love the way you start. I feel like that's exactly what I need today. So thrilled to be here.
Speaker 2:Will you join me in a meditation?
Speaker 3:I would love that.
Speaker 2:For the listeners if you're driving, then I'll ask you not to close your eyes because I want you to be safe on the road. However, you can still listen to the prompts that I'm giving and follow the meditation, and for those that can take a moment for this, for yourself in this moment. So I'm going to ask you, Rebecca, to close your eyes with me and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out through your nose.
Speaker 2:Don't try to control your breath, Just observe the breath go in and out allowing whatever sensations or feelings that may be coming up in the body to safely come up.
Speaker 1:You're safe to feel.
Speaker 2:While still staying focused with your breath, being aware of any tension or any constriction that may be in the body.
Speaker 1:There may be something repeating in your mind that you were doing before we transitioned into this podcast. Yet allowing yourself to settle into your body, into the breath, into the now, surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be with your breath, breath observing your breath going in and out and dropping further into your body, staying focused with your breath and at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to slowly open your eyes.
Speaker 3:How's your heart doing so good?
Speaker 2:I needed that moment of calm and I've been intentional by bringing these meditations into the podcast, because we talk about self-care yet to really actually put it into practice. So mind is racing with so many different activities. I wanted to be more intentional with the podcast of not just talking about it, actually showing it and what it can look like and how it's, you know, so difficult with our transitions to just take a moment and check in with our energy and then go into this next moment which, you know, like Viktor Frankl says, there's a space between stimulus and response. So create that space for yourself. Yet it takes a discipline to really connect into our breath and check in with what we're going through, because we process so much stuff that we get bombarded through day in and day out, in each moment and each interaction.
Speaker 3:We do and I'll tell you as I was sitting there. You asked me a question before we got started of if anything new or different has come up for me since when we first connected to start planning this podcast and I said no, and now I'm going to change my answer. You know, you're so right with that need for self-care and I'm a person that advocates on a daily basis of what we can do for brain health and to optimize cognition, and I always work to put into the practice. Into practice the things that I talk about. But yet there's always room for more. All the things that we do, there's there's always room for growth, and I'm not good enough about making the time for meditation and you know, for me, meditation was a resistance in the beginning of being. Still is hard for me. I want to go I you know yoga like I would rather go for a long, hard run that's, you know, hard than to be quiet and still, and but for me to learn that quiet and still doesn't mean nothing and being quiet and still can still be so full but also relaxing. But the thing that came up for me in that moment was how much we need to teach this to our kids and support this in our kids.
Speaker 3:I saw a social media video clip the other day from Dr Becky, who's a an amazing child psychologist and just gives such wonderful parenting advice that really applies to humans. It's not just about what our kids need, and in this particular clip she was giving an example of a child that was melting down and a parent saying you know, go to your room until you can pull it together. And she gave the analogy of if your child couldn't swim, you wouldn't say go to your room until you learn how to swim. And so we're asking our kids to sometimes have skills and behaviors that they're not ready for. And to me, the meditation self-awareness piece for that is a piece that underlies the skill is that ability to be aware, to know what it is that you need in that moment, so you know how to communicate your needs in an appropriate, constructive way in order to get those needs met. And by being aware and understanding of our own needs, it allows us to also recognize needs in somebody else.
Speaker 3:I can see that you're frustrated right now. I can see that you're upset right now. I can recognize in somebody else what I know in myself. So if I can't identify it and understand emotions and feelings and stress and the impact that life has on us. If I can't identify that in myself, that's going to get in the way of my human connection and empathy with others. So that was a big, big thought and I hope it made sense in a roundabout way. But as I was sitting there I was just picturing that clip from Dr Becky yesterday and everything she was saying was so spot on and I feel like it's that. And how do we also work to instill that awareness and communication in our kids?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and more and more, what I am learning with my spiritual practice of parenting, because I think it's the highest spiritual practice you can learn about yourself learn about yourself is that we're so inuended with. Teach your children this, where it's like you have to model it for them, you have to be that, you have to embody it. So it's very good to tell your child don't be on the electronics, it's not good for you. Meanwhile you're on it and not wanting to be accountable because in your mind, well, I'm doing adult stuff of responsibility and have to look at this. Yet it's like well, where's the hypocrisy? Is it not unhealthy for you also? So it's really, you know, in recognizing for myself that I can say like, oh, the meditation's great. Yet if I'm not actually showing and displaying it, they won't be curious to really be able to access that. And I think at times we get bombarded that we're not enough as parents and that our children are going to suffer and it's going to be a muck, and all this where it's like, wait a minute, like let's stop with this not good enough, and let's meet people where they are and understand that if you are not taking care of your own biology, you're not able to hold that presence. Like you just said, if you can't, if you're not able to identify your own emotions, how are you able to relate to somebody else in their emotions? And you know, what's been coming up strongly with my clients and the people around me is that anger is so misunderstood and it is shamed and belittled and unfortunately, a lot of people are getting ill by not befriending their anger and having a healthy relationship with it. So, you know, a lot of people are like telling me too that they're in therapy with therapists and cognitively, the therapist will be doing some CBT of.
Speaker 2:Well, you know your childhood, you got to accept that you felt this way and that you were angry and that the people did something. And they're like okay, I get that and I'm trying to accept. I'm trying to accept it and I'm like okay, well, how are you feeling the anger? Well, they haven't done that part with me. I'm like well, you need to feel to be able to release and understand what the messaging. So I'm like okay, here's a simple tool. Grab a pillow, yell in the pillow. They're like I can't do that. That's stupid, that's what are you doing? That's? I'm like grab the pillow and yell.
Speaker 2:They're like, and you can see, you know how the defense mechanisms of the nervous system, your biology, is stopping you from doing something. That one, if you were shamed about anger. This is a no, no. You're not allowed to yell, you're not allowed to do this thing.
Speaker 2:That feels so childish, where they're like viscerally, but they're trusting in the guidance that I'm giving them and by just yelling in the pillow they feel the regulation in their nervous system, they feel the release of the stress, they feel the unclenching and the unlocking of the fight or flight system and then they're like, wow, and then there's some laughter coming up and they're like, as much as it was difficult, it's like I didn't realize this was something that I needed to do without it's, you know, being analyzed, and I'm like well, these are somatic practices also, that this energy because that's what emotions are a build-up of energy and chemical releases that are going on. So that expression and being able to relate with it without analyzing it gives it that expression and then you can open up a bit and be able to observe what's going on internally. How have you related with your anger in your personal life?
Speaker 3:I don't know that I've ever been asked that question before. You know, I think for me it's. I think we live in a culture and a society where you do push it down and I would say I'm not a person that's experienced a lot of that in my life and but I think recently it's come up with my daughter. So I've got a 16 year old daughter, who are the teens. Oh it's, it's wonderful and enlightening and a rollercoaster ride, depending on on the moment, yeah, but you know it's, and she's a very introspective, deep thinker, not highly visibly emotional, so she's one that will hold things inside. And we've had conversations. She had gotten frustrated and upset about something recently and I didn't like her behavior. So I reacted and then, taking a step back, it was having a conversation around. It's okay to be upset, it's okay, but let's talk about it. Why are you upset? Let's understand it.
Speaker 3:And then we had the conversation around. We all need a way to, like you're describing, release it, let it out. I didn't use those words, but we all need a way to address it. We just have to channel that in an okay way. And there's a lot of unhealthy ways to channel it. You know drugs, alcohol, ignoring the problem but so finding a healthy way. So going back years for me and this was, there were two things in my early professional career that I realized were cathartic, and I just became almost obsessive with it. One was a cardio kickboxing class.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 3:I think I started my professional career as a chiropractor and the chiropractic practice I was in was associated with the gym downtown Minneapolis. That was a boxing gym and so my patients were all these athletes and it was right there. So, between patients, I'd go to the gym and I had never, you know, taped my hands before and put on boxing gloves. You know, I'm a very oldest of three girls. We didn't have, you know, a family that yelled and shouted, and it's just, you know, not that way. And boy punching that bag was like this is great, and it was that. You know I'm thinking about a particular person or a particular scenario, and so that was the first time that I think I connected something physically that I was doing with that. I'm going to call it release of like. That felt good, and then life changed. I was no longer at that particular practice. And then I discovered spin classes and spin classes.
Speaker 3:For me, again, it was a way to channel thoughts and energy, and if you've ever seen me in a spin class, I'm in the room with my eyes closed, and it could be, you know, a hundred people in the room, but I am just.
Speaker 3:It's my personal time, personal space where I'm burning energy.
Speaker 3:You know, maybe I'm listening to the instructor, maybe I'm not, but for me it was realizing a physical outlet helps me with that and I don't know that I've ever even connected the dots and said it out loud in that way before.
Speaker 3:But looking back and again, life gets busy and you know, I went through a stretch of life where I wasn't exercising as much and have really gotten back into that the last several years. And you know, when I was younger I did it for the vanity reasons, and now that I'm older I do it for the sanity reasons. I am a healthier, happier, yeah, and when I, when I exercise first thing in the morning, and so it's been interesting having those conversations with my daughter to, it's okay to get mad, it's okay to lose your temper, but let's, let's think of healthy ways to channel that, because life is going to throw you curveballs and there's going to be that moment and and knowing how to recognize it so you know what you need in the moment, so it can guide you to what to do, yeah and I think you know unfortunately a lot of women or the females, have been scorned that you're not allowed to feel anger.
Speaker 2:You're, you're given a certain label.
Speaker 2:If you are we've been you know not so much this younger generation, but before it was you know that we were having a chemical imbalance or we were having something wrong with our menstruation.
Speaker 2:So they're blaming it all on the FEMA, where it's like this is a healthy emotion and we are allowed to be irritated and frustrated and feel overwhelmed of all the things that get put on to females and mothers, of caretaking and nurturing and, a lot of times, not being able to vocalize what the needs are for ourselves and that's you know some of the work I do with a lot of my clients of you have needs and you're allowed to talk about your needs and that's why you're getting so snippy or passive, aggressive or just losing or becoming the yell mom, because you haven't even allowed yourself to recognize that you have some simple needs that you need to take care of yourself and to recognize your children are going to dysregulate your nervous system.
Speaker 2:They're going to. You're not always going to be in the bliss of connection with them. They are human beings going through their experience and you're going to rub up on each other. And it's always not about the disconnection, it's about how are you going to repair that connection again, because you are going to disconnect. That's just how relationships are, yeah.
Speaker 3:Well, and I think you know something interesting as well with anger is, to me, sometimes those big emotions are beautiful in the way of what next, what comes after that, because you know if you're just a little bit irritated or a little bit frustrated, that doesn't always create change. But when you get to a point where the emotions are big enough, then that's and I'm a person that you know, let's say it's an upset at work or something happens. I always take a step back to say what can I do to make sure I'm never in this scenario again? This was an uncomfortable conversation. I didn't like it.
Speaker 3:You know, what do we need to do different here? And so that's a silly, simple, work-related example. But you know, I think sometimes those big emotions are what generates enough energy and power in us to say something needs to change. This isn't, I can't do this X, y, z, whatever that is anymore. Whatever this is isn't working, and maybe we don't ever get to that point of momentum and change if we don't get to that point of extreme emotion. And so, as uncomfortable as it is, that discomfort might be the impetus to the next thing, that is, movement forward.
Speaker 2:Exactly, we speak the same language. So I'm always you know some people will call this shadow work by feeling these uncomfortable emotions, these big emotions that it's like, oh, I don't even have the tools or the verbiage, and it's like, well, if you've never felt this or connected into it, it feels like an alien, it feels like a foreign thing. So, of course, you don't have verbiage and, as you said, there's a lot of energy that comes up. So a lot of times, with that energy, if you can ride it, that's where the change momentum can come, that I don't want to feel this anymore. So I got to do something about this. I cannot just stay still and keep feeling these big ruptures or volcano eruptions that are going on inside me. So, exactly like you said, like it's that energy that can thrust you into pivoting of you know what. Enough of this. Now I have to take responsibility and accountability of my biology and see is it the environment, is it the things, or is it the people, the relationships, not just staying stuck repeating the same patterns, which can be difficult because we're humans, and that's what the brain loves to do is patterns which can be difficult because we're humans, and that's what the brain loves to do is patterns and unless you're doing your inner work to understand your nervous system, your biology, and releasing some energies and and really getting in touch with yourself, being curious about what's going on internally, why did I feel this way? Or asking yourself, empowering questions, like you just said, like I didn't like this, so how can I change it?
Speaker 2:Moving forward that I don't need to repeat this, this experience, and like I tell people I'm like, just because you've taken steps does not mean it's not going to revisit you. It's like a spiral staircase that you go up and the view will be different. It will be the same place, yet the view will be different, so you'll interact with it differently. Yet to think that change means, oh, it's all gone away and everything's going to be bliss. It's like you will hit your head on a wall because there is no arrival point, like that, yet the way you interact with it will be totally different. You'll be like wow, I'm not triggered, I was able to just talk about this and nothing flared up. I didn't have to raise, I was very calm, and it's like that's what the change is that you're able to still show up and not be so disorientated with all of these fragmented parts that's how I visualize it and explain it to people where it's like I'm all splintered all over and it's like, yeah, you want to come back to a wholeness with a W.
Speaker 3:Yeah Well, and I think you know, as you just brought up, change. Something that I think is so important for people to understand is how hard change is for our brain. How hard change is for our brain. Change is physiologically exhausting and uncomfortable for our brain. So I always think about things, when it comes to cognition in the brain, as resources, and I think of it in terms of dollars. So if you were to wake up every morning and you wake up with $100 of resources for your brain to spend every day when we're faced with change, change is going to spend $50 of your resources just by waking up that morning, and what happens is is when we have habits and patterns and routines, it takes very little energy for our brain to do that. So give me an example of you know something simple and light, but give me an example of something simple and light, but give me an example of a habit or pattern or routine somebody might want to change.
Speaker 2:Eating and how they interact with the eating.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So think about. We've been eating since we were old enough to toddle over and grab something that wasn't placed in front of us. And even when I think of myself on a Sunday, I run to the grocery store every Sunday to get us set up for the week. I can go through the grocery store on autopilot. Where I'm not. You know, we eat essentially the same thing every week breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. I know what, you know, my kids and husband want, so I can go through the grocery store on autopilot. I can go through my meals on a.
Speaker 3:We wake up groggy in the morning. We reach and grab, but now, all of a sudden, if I decide you know what I really want to focus on the Mediterranean diet, I want to and these are all recipes that I'm unfamiliar with. There are ingredients that I'm unfamiliar with. I've now taken something and we eat so many times to start. Every day, we spend a lot of time around food, whether it's getting it, making it, cleaning up after it, thinking about what you're going to eat next. There's a large percentage of our life dedicated to food, and so changing that we've just taken something that you do on autopilot to now change requires massive resources. I have to think, I have to plan, I have to make decisions and now maybe I don't like what I'm doing or I don't know how to follow that recipe. And then, when we get distracted or stressed, our brain forgets to pay attention to what we're trying to change and we're going to go back to autopilot. And so change is, it's exhausting to the brain, it's hard, and that's on a good day. So you know, if you it's Sunday night and you're like, okay, this is going to be my week, I'm going to, you know, cook healthy, I'm going to meal prep on Sunday and all the things. And then Monday morning hits and something blows up at work and one of the kids is melting down because they can't find whatever for school and life starts to happen around you and you didn't sleep well the night before. So as soon as we're stressed, we've got fewer resources to spend.
Speaker 3:In the day. Stress burns our resources and so if I started the day with a hundred dollars but now I'm facing change, so that's limited my resources and I'm stressed, that spent another $20 and I'm tired, that spent another $10. I've got $20 to spend for my whole day, to get through work, to get through regulating my emotions with my kids when they come home tired and cranky and irritable after practice. And mom, why didn't you bring my school, my shoes that I forgot to school for me today, we're going to have a harder time than reacting and responding to life, and so when you're trying to change something, it's so important to make a plan ahead of time, based on your brain, and so you know. If it's food, what are you've got to have such a concrete plan? What are you going to eat for breakfast? What are you going to eat for lunch? You've got to plan it out. And then, what is your plan on a day when you're exhausted and stressed, Because that's when we're going to fall back on old routines and patterns. What are you going to do when you're going out for dinner with a friend? If you go into it with the plan of you know saying, hey, I want to go someplace where they've got great Caesar salads with chicken, you know, then you can navigate that scenario and stay on your Mediterranean plan or whatever, but it's you've got a plan for when things are ideal. And then you've got to identify what are the hurdles that are going to crop up that could derail my plan for change. And what am I going to do about it? Because if you wait for the moment, then human nature is, instead of jumping over the hurdle, we're going to curl up in a ball and go back to our old routines and patterns, and then you've got to celebrate the wins along the way is.
Speaker 3:You know, our brain actually loves setting a goal, and when we set a goal that resonates with us purpose, purpose. Personally, I can speak. We've got a dopamine release in the brain, which is that feel good neurotransmitter. It's why we get excited about signing up to do a 5k or starting a new. You know I'm going to do a Mediterranean eating next week. We get excited about it because we can visualize what we want that end goal to be.
Speaker 3:But that's a really long end goal of to have the impact of eating different, and dopamine doesn't stay active and present in our brain for long. So when we set a goal, there's a burst of energy and excitement that dissipates quickly, and so you need to re-engage dopamine to stay on track with your goal. And so if you can celebrate, you know what? Today was a busy day and I ate breakfast the way. I meant to fell off the rails after that, but you know what that was one meal better than what I had done last week. You know it's. It's finding and celebrating the little wins and having a plan along the way and understanding how hard change is. To set yourself up to be successful for, however big or small, the changes that you're wanting to face or wanting to implement.
Speaker 2:Thank you for explaining it in such a simple way that people can understand how much energy, decision-making, making lifestyle changes, wanting better for yourself, yet not. You know, biology will always between authenticity and safety. It's always going to choose safety and so if that old pattern feels safe, it's going to choose that. Then the hard work of making decisions, of changing a whole lifestyle, and how exhausting it is and so some people are like I'm so exhausted. It's like, yeah, the brain needed a lot of fuel to do all of this problem solving and not be, like you said, an autopilot that it really is intentionally thinking and making decisions and analyzing like, do I really want to do this or do I want? Cause you're not seeing results. So it's like getting frustrated and the doubt and all that.
Speaker 2:So thank you for giving an explanation of the money, yet also allowing people to have grace with themselves, Cause I think there's a lot of wonderful marketing that hits emotions, that make it seem like you aren't doing it the right way. So that's why you're failing, rather than what are the 1% shift changes that you're doing in your life to get there, cause it's slow and steady. It's not these rapid big changes and then everything's going to be good Cause. Most times when there's big rapid changes, they're not consistent, they don't last, they fall back and then you could even be more of a deficit than what you started with. So thank you for you know bringing in that grace and that compassion towards yourself when you're going through these things.
Speaker 3:I think, you know, one of the things that I'm not hearing talked about enough is is the conversation around dopamine and how it impacts us and how it drives our choices and behaviors. And I feel like the more we know it and understand it, the more we're aware of what we're doing and why dopamine feels good. It's a that, that burst of energy, that burst of feel good, and so we're driven in our choices to find dopamine in our lives. And so, when we go back to an eating example, if we're trying to eat healthier and we're wanting to reduce inflammation, sugar is one of the main drivers of inflammation. Sugar is also a massive dose of dopamine. So it's one of the reasons why it's so hard to change our eating is because our brain seeks out what makes it feel good, and sugar makes the brain feel good for a very short amount of time, even though ultimately, it's doing a lot of damage in a lot of different ways. And so, understanding you know it's three o'clock, I'm stuck on a project at work, so I'm like I'm going to wander to the kitchen and see what I can find. I'm going to start rummaging through the freezer, I'm going to you know what did my kids leave behind and I'm craving that sugar.
Speaker 3:But, if I understand, my brain right now is craving dopamine. I'm tired, my energy's low, I'm stressed. So what's a different way that I could achieve dopamine without the sugary treat? Could I take a few minutes and do a burst of exercise? It doesn't need to be a 45 minute run. I could do something for just a couple minutes that can spike my heart rate. It's the middle of the day, so this isn't always a possibility, but sex is a great opportunity for dopamine. You know, there's other things other than food a connection with a friend, laughter, learning something new that inspires you and motivates you and excites you. So you could, you know, go online and find a Ted talk on one of your favorite topics. That could be a five minute Ted talk that could excite you and release a bit of dopamine, so your brain's getting that feel good neurotransmitter effect without doing a chocolate chip cookie.
Speaker 3:Yeah chocolate chip cookies. It's all. It's all about balance in life, but it's, I think you know, having more conversations and understandings around what are the dopamine drivers in life and what are healthy ways or different ways to achieve what it is that the brain is seeking out in that moment.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one thing that I use with my clients too, that's very easy to access and it changes your state of mind, is dancing and listening to music, cause that's something that you know there's certain music just can put us into a trance and elevate our mental and allow us to have some expressions. So if all of a sudden you're feeling whatever emotions, there's music that can mimic that emotion and then get that expression. Yet you can get your heart rate up real high on some good dancing too. So, and it's something that can be enjoyable and it can be five minutes and then get back to what you have to do, and it's very, you know, it's very accessible. You can dance wherever, unless you are going to be analyzing yourself, and it's like I can't do this in this place, yet it's like you know, do what you need to take care of you and what your. It's not talked about enough.
Speaker 2:I listen to a lot of podcasts that are around neuroscience and Huberman Lab.
Speaker 2:He talks about it so much, about dopamine, and it's changing the definition of it so people can really interact with it in a different way. You know, with social media it has wrecked a havoc with our dopamine system and these are dialogues that we really have to get into that. You know, we were in innovation and we got into this thing not recognizing the real ramification and impact and like how it's impacting our attention spans and how we're relating with each other, which you know a lot of people will be like, oh no, and it's like no, let's see, can you hold a conversation or can you do something? Or even like you know the meditation, can you sit there and just be with yourself and be in that stillness? And social media has impacted all of us. It's not like if anybody's interacting with it, they've been impacted in some kind of way from it. Yet a lot of people will use the tools to, you know, counteract it. Yet what is your perspective and what do you see with social media and moving forward?
Speaker 3:This is a big, really important conversation. The first thing I'm going to tell you is that we strengthen what we utilize. So and I'm going to back up and say a comment that I get from parents all the time is, you know why can my kids spend two hours gaming or two hours on TikTok or two hours on social media, but I can't get them to sit and do 20 minutes of math, and so then it's easy as a parent to look at that and say it's because they care, they don't care, it's because they're lazy, it's because they're lazy, it's because they don't like math, it's not. I mean, maybe they don't like math, but that's not the reason behind it. Those are, they're not the same attentional systems. We use the word attention to describe everything, but attention should be like Eskimos and snowflakes, where there should be so many different terms for the different aspects and nuances of attention. I almost said snowflakes. So when we think about the kind of attention that's utilized when we're scrolling social media or gaming, we're not using sustained attention, we're using attention that is driven by a dopamine hit. So it's a short burst of not just attention, it's hyper attention, so it's a high, high focus that. Then there's a reward that tells my brain okay, I'm going to really focus again because I want that next release of dopamine. And I have to give you know, credit to the video game designers and the people behind this. They understand neuroscience better than most and this is designed to capitalize on capturing and maintaining your attention.
Speaker 3:So what happens is is if I've got a child that is doing two hours of gaming, or an adult that's two hours of scrolling TikTok before bed at night, what happens is it's this microburst of attention with a reward microburst of attention. So it's not two hours of attention, it's hundreds of seven second increments of attention strung together. And because it's this hyper attention, there's a high, high cost to that type of attention. So this is why we lose perspective of time. When we're in that hyper attention, hyper focus mode, we block out everything around us. So when you've got a kiddo that's gaming and you're saying, hey, did you get your homework done? It's time for dinner. Did you even hear me? Are you listening to me? No, because they're they're, you know, blinders on, they are hyper-focused.
Speaker 3:This isn't a choice, this isn't a behavior. This is their brain responding to what they're doing. So they're going to lose sense of time, they're not really processing or paying attention to what's happening around them and it is absolutely exhausting and fatiguing to the brain to be in that state of hypertension for a long time. And a tired brain is a negative brain. So that means when we put down the phone, when we turn off the gaming device, you're going to have a hot mess on your hands because you now have an exhausted child or an adult. So now they're going to be negative, whiny, pushback. They're not going to be able to control and regulate themselves as well. So parents feel like you know, oh, they throw such a fit and they say no and they push back because they don't want to stop. That could be part of it. But they've also lost control of their emotions and regulation and attention because they've exhausted their brain. And so you know the flip side to that is what we need for attention to have a conversation, to do our job at work, to sit through a school day. There's not dopamine hits happening throughout a workday or happening throughout a classroom day. So if we're spending a lot of time in our dopamine driven reward pathways for attention, so we're coming up on summer break for kids if they're going to spend a lot of time on technology. They're strengthening their attention system that's craving dopamine, that needs that reward. We need the opposite. We have got to be building their sustained, non-reward driven attention systems, because that's what we need in life.
Speaker 3:And to me, it's all about finding balance. I don't want to vilify anything and say you know, no, that's bad, don't do it. It's finding balance and how do we approach it. And as a parent, I feel like it's my responsibility to set my child up for success, based on what I know. And so what I'm going to say is sure, if you want to spend a half hour doing that, you're going to do homework first, because if you're going to burn your attention resources and be exhausted, we've got to think about the timing of that. I don't want you, we don't want technology an hour before bed, because we know that's going to disrupt the quality of sleep. We don't want it before school or before. We need good behavior or focus and attention for homework or studying for a test.
Speaker 3:So we have to be really, really mindful about when we're doing it and how long we're doing it for, and one of the things that I say all the time that would make my kids roll my eyes but I know they hear me because I've heard them say it before as well is we use our muscles to turn on our brain, and so if you are spending time on technology, scrolling or gaming, we need to sandwich that with physical activity, because the physical activity is going to re-engage your brain, to re-engage attention, re-engage memory, reset mood and emotions, and so sure, you can do some scrolling on TikTok.
Speaker 3:But here's what I want to see before and after, and let's set a timer and we're going to agree on that ahead of time, to say here's how long we're going to do that. For I get it, there's times when, as a parent, you're just like you don't have that energy to have that fight or conversation. Or you know you're in a long car ride. But you just have to think and through and plan. You're on a long car ride because you're going to grandma's house for dinner for the holidays. The last thing you want is a child that just spent the entire car ride gaming, because now you're not going to have a pleasant, engaged child.
Speaker 3:So we just need to think it through and to have those conversations with our kids of you know. Gosh, I'm noticing, you forgot to watch the time and that went longer than what I anticipated, and I can see you're really tired right now. Let's talk about what we can do to help, and then here's what we're going to do different next time, and so bringing that awareness. We're not judging them, we're not shaming them. We're all learning from these experiences and the information so we can approach it different. So two hours of math attention is not the same as two hours of video gaming attention. We've got to strengthen what we want and we strengthen it by utilizing what it is that we want in the long term.
Speaker 2:So we've got to find balance and think about our timing. Thank you so much for giving the tools and also, you know, not vilifying, because the all or nothing doesn't get us anywhere. And technology has simplified our lives a lot. As much as it's destroyed, it's still connected and it's brought some things. So I know a lot of people just like, oh, everything's evil and it's like no, there's good and bad in everything. It's how are we using it and how is it changing the way that we interact with ourselves and with other people? And that's what we really need to look at. And, like you said, the brain health.
Speaker 2:And these are dialogues that aren't you know, if you're going to seek it, you'll hear it, but most times people are not really. Oh, no, media hasn't impacted things would be such a blatant lie, because it's like well, we didn't have all that when our generation was there and we also didn't have the types of games and social media and internet as it is right now. So it does have an influence on what is going on with this younger generation. Yeah, what I do appreciate about this younger generation they can talk about their emotions way better than what we could at our age, so there's some really great benefits.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I, you know, I think it's. It's being realistic, right, and understanding the ramifications. And so we know, neurologically, spending time face-to-face with a friend is not the same as gaming together from two different locations. You're not getting the same reaction and activity in the brain. It doesn't mean that you can't game online with a friend, but that's not a replacement for social interaction. And so it's being mindful and aware of what is your end goal, what are you doing to get there? And then how do we make space for it?
Speaker 3:And I know, you know, as a parent of two teenagers, for me it was feeling like such a tug of war, such a battle on a daily basis, and so I needed to find a different way to approach it. And I'm not saying I've got all the answers to that at all, but we've tried to really have a lot of conversations around feelings and how do you feel? You know, if you just spent hours on Instagram and you know, seeing all of your friends, and exotic locations for spring break and we're doing a spring, you know, a staycation in Raleigh you know that can be hard. And so how do we, how do we balance this? How can you check in with yourself to say you know what, today's not the day for me to go on and scroll that. You know it's. How does it impact your feelings and emotions? And then what can you do to empower that? And so for me it's always about starting with awareness. So if we can teach our kids and ourselves to kind of do a self scan of what am I doing today and then let that dictate and guide what we do, I know I often give the example of you know, if I'm driving my kids to school in the morning and I'm a little more irritable and I'm a little more reactive, you know stopping and asking myself did I get enough sleep last night?
Speaker 3:Have I eaten breakfast, you know, with protein and carbs to get through my day? Do I have a lot of stress going on, like what is influencing my mood and I can't change so much in the world? But there are things that I can do within myself to impact how my day's going to go. And so if I'm exhausted I don't have time to take a nap in the middle of the day, but I can take 10 minutes to do a burst of exercise to re-engage my energy. I can make sure that I have a healthy snack.
Speaker 3:And again, a tired brain or a brain that's run out of resources is going to be negative. So if I'm starting my day in a negative place, when the brain doesn't have the resources, it is so difficult to think positive thoughts. We need to give our brain and body what it needs and then the positive thoughts and emotions come more naturally. And so trying to approach it from okay, taking stock of what my brain needs to support my brain health, so that I do have better ability to regulate my mood and emotions, to communicate effectively about how I'm feeling, what my needs are, what I'm working on or whatever the thing is, and to model that for our kids where can the listeners find you and can you?
Speaker 2:I didn't even get to ask you know what is it that you, who you are and what you provide as service at the beginning, because we just jumped right in and this has been a like a really enriching conversation. So I'll ask you to give the listeners a little bit of a bio of who you are and where they can find you.
Speaker 3:Sure, so I'm Dr Rebecca Jackson. I have a book that was published in September by Mayo Clinic Press called Back on Track a practical guide to help kids of all ages thrive, and the inspiration to write the book really came from the pandemic of watching changes happening with our kids and understanding what we were, what was happening in the world around us that had such an impact on our brain, health and wellbeing for kids and adults. And the book is just all about practical tips and guidance and things that you can do at home to understand what healthy development looks like from birth to age 18 in areas of emotional wellbeing, learning, attention, anxiety all the things that we're faced with on a daily basis. So that's, personally, what I'm really proud and excited about right now.
Speaker 3:Professionally, I'm the chief program officer for a company called Brain Balance. Brain Balance is an incredible program that works with kids and adults to impact brain health by strengthening networks and pathways in the brain. So our goal is to build stronger, healthier brains, and a brain that's stronger has a better ability to pay attention longer, block out distractions more consistently, regulate our mood and emotions more effectively. So we're a program. We've got locations all across the US. We also have an at-home program, so we work with families and adults from all around the world. So that's me professionally, and really what I'm passionate about is brain health and well-being. What can we do in our lives, both in the short term and in the long term, for both ourselves and our kids, to impact our brain health and well-being? So you can find me online on Instagram at DrRebeccaJackson, or on LinkedIn at the same, and you can go to BrainBalancecom to find out more about the Brain Balance program.
Speaker 2:Yes, thank you and, for the listeners, this will all be in the show notes. So, in case you weren't able to capture all that, there will be links that you can just click on so that you can get connected with Rebecca. Are you willing to share what the intention was at the beginning of the podcast and the meditation?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So my intention was to provide inspiration, to empower. I want people to know what they can do in their own lives to make a difference. We live in a world where so much feels out of our control, and so to empower people to know what they have within their control, within their own lives, to make a difference for that moment or that day or the next year. But it was wanting to empower people of how they can impact their lives. And then I had the thought of you know. Just the importance of you know. Going through the meditation of it just reminded me of how much we need to empower our kids with this is to be able to self-recognize, self-identify, to know what they need, to be the best version of themselves, to know what they need to be the best version of themselves.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much for reaching out to be on the podcast. This has been such a free flowing and really a great conversation. I'm very thankful that I won't have to do much editing with this conversation, and thank you for all the resources that you've shared with myself and the listeners. So again, uh, I'm sure there'll be many people that will want to reach out and find out more about what you and um, brain healthy. Is it brain health? Say it again.
Speaker 3:Brain balance.
Speaker 2:Brain balance, um, so that they can find out more information about brain balance. And, you know, support themselves and support their families and their children. Uh, and this, you know, some people sometimes well, I'm not a parent well, we all have to parent ourselves. So, as a human being, there's a little inner child inside of us, so sometimes we always have to come back to reparent and rechange things that to be there for ourselves. So this is for everybody to be able to access. So thank you so much, rebecca, for being here with us.
Speaker 3:It was a pleasure and thank you for that moment of meditation. You saw I came in running late, flustered, a million things going on. That was the moment I needed to calm and center and focus. So thank you, it's been a pleasure.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Please remember to be kind to yourself. Yes, we do. Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time. If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit.
Speaker 1:It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation, so please take action and share out the podcast.
Speaker 2:You can find us on social media, on Facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery call liftoneselfcom.
Speaker 1:Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.