Self-Compassion to Spiritual Clarity: Transforming Trauma and Redefining Strength - Episode 100

Have you ever wondered how a moment of self-compassion can revolutionize your approach to life's hurdles? Join me, Nat, with the insightful Neron  Tillman, a yoga and mindfulness maestro who's redefining healing in communities touched by violence. Together, we unfurl the theme of self-kindness as it weaves through the fabric of mental health. Neron shares his transformative journey from injury to inspiration, highlighting the profound impact of introducing yoga to schools and senior facilities through Urban Yogis. We invite you to a moment of introspection and grounding as we lead you through a meditation, illustrating the symbiotic relationship between breath, intention, and well-being.

Embracing vulnerability isn't a sign of weakness; it's a testament to strength. Our conversation takes a deep look at the intersection of fear, faith, and vulnerability. I open up about how meditation opened doors to spiritual clarity and allowed me to confront past traumas head-on. Neron and I delve into the universal struggles that shape our defense mechanisms and the need to reconcile with our past in order to thrive in the present. Through personal stories, we underscore the link between self-awareness, healing, and spiritual growth, painting a picture of the challenges and triumphs of emerging from difficult environments.

What does it mean to live authentically in today's world, with all its preconceived notions of gender roles and relationships? I take an honest look at the evolution of masculinity, sharing my own shift from rigid gender expectations to a more vulnerable, open-hearted approach to life, especially in fatherhood. We discuss the reshaping of relationships and the embracing of fears, drawing connections between self-acceptance, healing, and the potential for profound personal transformation. Join us on this intimate journey as we discuss the necessity of inner reflection, the power of self-acceptance, and the beauty of becoming a catalyst for change, both within ourselves and in our relationships with others.

Find out more about NeRon here:
www.podpage.com/walk-in-victory-podcast/

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Chapters

• 0:00 Mental Health Stigmas and Trauma Insights
• 8:15 Overcoming Fear Through Vulnerability and Faith
• 22:38 Exploring Vulnerability and Intimacy in Relationships
• 34:36 Discovering Self-Acceptance and Healing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Good morning Oran.

Speaker 2: 0:01

Good morning how are you?

Speaker 1: 0:03

I'm well, how are you?

Speaker 2: 0:05

I'm good. Thanks for asking.

Speaker 1: 0:07

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, neron. I am so thankful you're here with me.

Speaker 2: 0:49

No, thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 0:51

I was on your podcast a few weeks ago, and so I had asked you in that conversation to come and join me so that you can infect my listeners with your energy and your insights and your lived experience. So I'm looking forward to this conversation.

Speaker 2: 1:08

Me too, me too. It was a very powerful, very powerful conversation and that meditation has lived. And you said something to me at the end. You said be kind to yourself.

Speaker 1: 1:34

And you know out of the whole experience, those four words had a lasting impact. It's just a way of being now, and every time I say it it's like I'm saying it to other people. Yet it's also a reminder for myself of are you being kind, are you being kind to yourself, natalie? Are your defense mechanisms activated? Release it, engage with the fear, engage with what's going on inside and to have kindness with it, not this berating in condemnation or not enough, not good enough language that the nervous system can start to activate in us. So I'm thankful. Thank you for sharing that with me. Will you join me in a guided meditation so we can ground ourselves in our breath? So for the listeners, some of you guys are maybe driving or having to run or use your visual, so please don't close your eyes. I want you to be safe as well as everybody else. Yet the other prompts you're able to follow.

Speaker 1: 2:37

So, niran, get comfortable in your seat and gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out through your nose. You're not going to try and control your breath, you're just going to keep your awareness on watching your breath and become aware of the rhythm. There may be sensations or feelings coming up in the body. Let them come up. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go. Surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be. Be with your breath. Drop into the body, stay with your breath. There may be some thoughts or some memories that may have come up. It's fine. Don't push them away. Just bring your awareness to focusing on your breath. Stay with your breath. Then drop deeper into the body, always staying with the breath neuron.

Speaker 1: 4:35

I'm going to ask you in your mind to create an intention you have for this conversation, for the podcast, for the listeners and for ourselves. And when you've created that intention, I'll ask you to release it in your mind, dropping down into your nervous system, down your throat, down into your chest, filling your heart, down into your stomach, stomach, into your life force. Continue staying with your breath, allowing that intention to surround your energy force, while still staying with your breath, dropping further into your body, allowing that intention to grow. Now, staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to gently open your eyes while staying with your breath, how's your heart doing Good, good? Can you let the listeners know?

Speaker 2: 6:28

who neuron is. Neuron is complex. Uh, currently I teach mindfulness and yoga in schools in New York City and the last two years we've expanded to teaching seniors. So I work in some senior facilities as an instructor. Our company name is Urban Yogis. We've been around for approximately 10 years. We've seen some transitions.

Speaker 2: 7:04

It started in Jamaica, queens, under the leadership of Erica Ford from Life Camp, and it was centered around bringing best mindful practices into communities that suffer violence, which I come from a community of high violence, which I come from a community of high violence. My introduction to yoga and mindfulness practices did not come through that program. I was introduced to yoga because of a running accident. I ran too much and I tightened my back and I walked in and I said I believe yoga can help me stretch. So that's how I got introduced to yoga and energy work. But working with that company, with the company that I now am the director and CEO of, has offered me the ability to go into the communities that I came from and to share these practices, and when we share the practices through our lived experiences, we're able to have great impact.

Speaker 2: 8:15

I've also been pastoring preaching for some years and most people, when I say that I preach, they laugh and say well, how can you be a preacher and still practice yoga? And yoga and mindfulness actually deepened my faith. I was going through a period of my life, in my 30s, where I got away although I was pastoring, I still got away from the things that when you first start out you're passionate about. You think that you're going to save the world Kind of got away from those things out you were passionate about, you think that you're going to save the world, kind of got away from those things and church became a business and through meditation I found a spark in my relationship with God, because what meditation has done for me is it helped me to tap into some of those subconscious thoughts that I've had to wrestle with all of my life. So that's who I am. I'm a dad, a husband, and I'm here today to share with you that today to share with you, nat, when you communicated the violence aspect of your life.

Speaker 1: 9:31

I felt the deep fear and sadness in my system and I know in our episode I had held a space for a minute because when you were explaining about, you know, your childhood and what you grew up in, you know, at times we don't take a moment to honor our experiences, we just kind of shove it away, not realizing well, it's what you know, strengthens the faith, like you said, and it also strengthens the relatability for people that are coming down the path and I think sometimes we just it can be overwhelming because it's a big download at times. Yet I just wanted to, you know, share that with you, that I can feel that energy and that it's carried it's interesting that you would say that.

Speaker 2: 10:16

So a huge part of my journey was I detached myself from that. I just really started talking about that part of my life, and I had to, because just because I detached from it didn't mean that it still didn't live within me, and all of our experiences live within us. And they don't teach us that at church, right?

Speaker 1: 10:45

So you feel like Just pray it away, just pray it away, just pray it away.

Speaker 2: 10:50

And then you find yourself in precarious positions where you're embarrassing your family or you think that things that you just detached yourself from died or and they're not gone, and then they have a way of rearing up at the most inopportune times.

Speaker 2: 11:08

So what I had to learn to do is attach that part of my story back to its proper place but give a different perspective, not to where the fact that I grew up in a single parent household as a badge of honor or a badge of dishonor, the fact that we was highly affected by crack cocaine in our community, what science called negative bias. We had compounded negative bias with the bacon and the fried chicken and collard greens, with the hog mug. Every day you know the slave diet that we inherited and all of those things that come along with that living. And then when you grow up in certain environments and this is of every ghetto in America there's a two hour. Most people don't go outside of their two mile radius, but within that two mile radius all things are the same. There's no real difference, and you could have dropped me at one point in my life in any projects in the in the world and it would be the same story.

Speaker 1: 12:17

And you know, once you come to educate yourself of what trauma is. As I define it is separation from self. So separation from God, the law universe, whatever name you call your higher source, I think, with myself, what impacted me too is because I grew up in a Catholic religion, so Christianity, it's this sentence of don't fear. Yet nervous system needs fear like there's healthy fear. Yet as soon as you would feel fear, it would be like this messaging that you're not supposed to feel this and that it's a bad thing and it's an evil thing, where it's like well, if I don't, you know, befriend this, I'm not able to hear. Well, what, what's activating this fear? What's on the other side of the fear that's making it come in? It's no different than the Wizard of Oz, where the wizard had this big grand voice and everybody was so afraid, but then there was this little tiny guy that popped out. So now that go ahead.

Speaker 2: 13:24

No, because I wanted to tap into the fear thing. Like growing up, where we did that fear became a part of our defense mechanism. You walk into a setting and you start to get that gut feeling. You're like, oh, this don't feel right and if you listen to it you can get yourself out of situations. So it's how do we allow fear to impact us? Is it making us anxious and we're not resting and we're up all night Because that's not going to change the mechanism? It's like what are we going to do to face whatever the fear is?

Speaker 1: 14:07

Exactly and as I define it. There's the word of the ego and for me the ego is the defense mechanisms of the nervous system protecting your vulnerability and to only be in flow in that infinite source. You have to go through the nervous system to get to your vulnerability, infinite source. You have to go through the nervous system to get to your vulnerability, to be in your worth, to hear the voice of God and be connected. Yet if you do not allow yourself to face yourself, to see those defense mechanisms, you don't even realize what it has mutated. In a way of thinking it's protecting you, but now, as an adult, it's causing more harm. And really you know trusting.

Speaker 1: 14:46

I think a lot of times too, a lot of children were separated from their intuition, their gut. Yet a lot of, as you said, where you grew up, in the environment that you grew up, you had to rely on your intuition because you had to listen to that bad boy when there were things that were on high alert. The disassociation is very healthy. A lot of people berate themselves and get frustrated with their biology and it's like, no, that was a method of protection. There was too much stimulus and fear that it would have short-circuited your psyche. So, now that you've started the integration progress, what is your relationship with fear? What does that look like?

Speaker 2: 15:36

So I have this analogy Fear is a tenant in my house, but it's not the landlord. Fear used to be the landlord. You know fear on different levels. Rather it was self-sabotage, fear of success, fear of financial gain, because we grew up in a space and I had to deal with this over the last two years through my mindfulness right Grow up in a space where you lacked and you believe that lack is supposed to be your commonplace. So even if you make end grounds on success or end grounds, you wind up losing everything because you're afraid of what that looks like and subconsciously you don't feel as if you're worth it.

Speaker 2: 16:22

Fear of intimacy not sex, but intimacy Like exposing ourselves. Because when you grow up in certain environments I'm not even going to use the environment, people just sometimes just protective, like we're scared to really be vulnerable, we're scared to talk about certain topics, and that's where true intimacy comes. As an instructor, as a teacher, you can't connect. People feel when you're not real right, there's no connectivity. So I had to really really deal with certain levels of fear and what I overcompensate by being arrogant in the things that I was good at, because what usually happens is for me. I only really like to discuss the things that I know, that I'm good at discussing, right, but I come across as if I know it Now, to know it all, but when I'm finished you're going to know I know it. But that was also fear-based, because what I am saying is I don't want you to challenge me into things that I don't know, because now I feel like so, out of fear, I have to shout loud to say, oh no, but I understand this.

Speaker 1: 17:44

So fear lives here, now, now, but fear no longer controls those levels of of me you know, I think sometimes too, that you know that confidence that you're speaking of, that it's like I'm presenting what I know is I think also too that there might be this defense mechanisms that I've always had to be loud to express myself because people were not willing to listen, people were not willing to see things from a different perspective.

Speaker 1: 18:16

So it's like I had to enforce my space and kind of justify because there wasn't safety and there wasn't any respect of listening. So that activation comes up where it's like I feel very assertive. Yet, you know, I, I I can relate to that language also and I catch myself because there's sometimes I'm doing podcasts and a message comes through and I'm speaking to somebody, and there was one I did with a person and I had my son listen, was like was I like defensive and like really enforceful, and he's like no, you were just telling her a part that she didn't see about herself and it was very opening. It's also for me having the safety of I know what I know and sharing that gift, which in society it's playing. The balance of that I find.

Speaker 2: 19:10

Yeah, but see, this is the thing as thought leaders, you have to have a thought and as thought leaders, you have to challenge people to think. And a lot of times we take passivity to indicate humility. No Humility comes where I am a thought leader. I can agree to disagree, but I'm humble enough to stand on my truth and move the conversation along without being disrespectful.

Speaker 1: 19:46

I love it.

Speaker 2: 19:47

Yeah, I used to be able to do that.

Speaker 1: 19:52

I get that and I would go into dimming, I would go into passivity of okay. Well, I want a sense of belonging.

Speaker 2: 20:01

So let me not disrupt things, because I'm Because I'm a critical thinker and I was going through disruption Because I grew up in an area where we had to fight for everything. So I had to really get to the place where I didn't have an enemy to be successful. Whether it was, I'm going to prove to my dad that I'm this. I'm going to prove to him. So then what happens is you start to create enemies and when you don't have any enemies in order, if an enemy is fueling my success because I need somebody to fight, I'd have to have my Goliath right and every day I'm up. How is that a motivating factor If I'm only motivated by proving somebody else wrong? When I've stopped finding people to prove wrong, I start creating enemies within my head. I start creating enemies within my inner circle and, before you know it, you're by yourself and you're back at square one, not able to get anything done, because you now become your own enemy.

Speaker 1: 21:10

Yeah, yeah, and I understand. On intellectually, understanding that need of validation and needing to get that approval, I also understand physically how there is a chemical release that's going on with that and then it's like, okay, well, you can create that adrenaline in a different way, not combative and having to feel a sense of I need to be validated and I need to have that approval outside of myself. And that's its own journey and process to again, like I say you know, befriend your nervous system, befriend your biology, be curious of what these defense mechanisms are so they can surrender, because what I know to be true, there's no overriding biology. You can try to override that bad boy and it's going to get you right back again. So it's like, okay, you slam the door, let me find the safety and let me create the space so that I can validate things For you as a man. Do you feel safe to explain or express that you're afraid or that you're scared?

Speaker 2: 22:25

That's the fear of intimacy, right, because there's a level of vulnerability that has to take place. And it's funny. As a man, there's two things that I've learned over my 49 years. Your uncles would look at the girl and be like she. Like you, right. And then you go to the next one. She like you too. So everybody like you, right. And you start to get these seeds planted in your head that it's okay to be right with this one, it's okay to be with that one, so I can share a piece of myself with this person. I can share a piece of myself with that person.

Speaker 2: 23:03

Nobody's going to get the full me, right? That comes with that level of fear, right. Someone may know that I'm afraid of some things, but they'll never really understand the full level of fear. But the woman now is being taught in the same house don't go over there with that boy. You better save yourself. Don't give the milk away lest they buy any cow. And you've created in in a community a man who can't say no and a woman that always say no. So there's a level of clash there, because they're taught to say no, so there has to be a barter.

Speaker 2: 23:52

And when I'm giving myself if I come across as afraid or speaking about my fears. It doesn't just lead off to vulnerability, it also, to me, triggers off instability, because I came in a place where you fought for everything that you got got. If you didn't, there's, there's not. If you don't fight, you ain't going to eat. So but is that the real reality? This is where I am right now in my paradigm. Is that a real reality? Is it okay?

Speaker 2: 24:30

Like my 10 year old son yesterday he asked after the basketball game. He got so upset that he started crying. Now my oldest son is 21. If my oldest son would have cried, I would have yelled at him. I would have made it worse. What are you crying for? Don't show nobody the youngest. I embraced him. I thought I almost went off on a coach, because now I'm protecting. As I get older, it's easier, it becomes easier to talk about some things that I'm fearful of, like fear of success, fear of financial freedom that I never knew existed, and I'll talk about them on my podcast now, whereas if you listen to me, for five years I was never this vulnerable. So I guess I am getting to a place where I can express some vulnerability, but it's not a commonplace.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Yeah, and thank you for this vulnerability, because some people like to give the image that they have it all together and it's like no, this is where I am in my process. And thank you for showing what that repair looks like in parenting, because the way I parented my oldest to how I parented my son and my oldest gets jealous and it's like you never did this to me.

Speaker 2: 26:06

You didn't do that for me, Like all right, all right, I was messed up.

Speaker 1: 26:11

And I had to. I did that conversation with my oldest and took responsibility for my wrongs to revalidate him that he did see it right. I didn't know how to contain the fear that I had and I projected it on you. So really, you know, doing that repair in that place. I can't take back in the past but I can stand in the things that I did that were harm and give back your validation that you did nothing wrong.

Speaker 2: 26:42

Wow, you know, something popped up to me and I think I need to say this to someone that's listening to your audience, Although I have this cloak where I feel like no one can see my fears. People who are close to you identify your fears first, and if they love you, they care about you, they're going to protect you from your own fear without even embarrassing you or making you feel that you are afraid. And that's why relationships are important, and one of the things that the universe does not the universe in its perfect form, but the universal laws in its imperfect way that we have to live within it tears relationships apart, Because man is not just homo sapien, man is homo religious, which means that within us it's a yearning to be in a community, it's a yearning to be in a tribe. That's how our youth will get beat into a gang. They'll go to college and get beat into a fraternity or sorority, just so that they can feel like they're a part.

Speaker 2: 27:54

Now, I grew up in the street, but I was never a part of a gang. If I can't be at the top of the pyramid I've always had this mindset If I can't be at the top, if I can't be the influencer. If I'm not in the back when the money's being counted, I don't want to be a part of it. If I got to get my ass kicked to be's always been me. I don't mind going left when everybody else. But if you're listening and you're going through that and you feel like you're not being vulnerable, know that the person that's your tribe because the laws of attraction will send you a tribe Someone in that tribe sees you and they're covering your fear without you even noticing it.

Speaker 1: 28:44

And it's a beautiful thing that, when you are with those people, that they can be that reflection for you, to see your own fears without feeling like it's condemnation or that it's imperfection, that you can reveal your raw truth without having to robe yourself back up. You can be in that nakedness and be able to start to explore in this territory that feels so overwhelming. That safety with somebody else makes it that, oh, I, I'm capable of hugging this kind of monster that I feel and allow it to be integrated in me and use its energy, not get rid of it. It's like there's an energy that can be used.

Speaker 2: 29:27

That's what happened in the first love, right, like the first person, you never love like you love the first time. But there's something that happens over time when we start to depreciate the value of that. And we used to be excited about going home and I was like, oh, I got to go home to the old ball and chain. And we start saying these things to us and then we walk in and that same that's what I say is a thin line between love and hate, the polarization of love and hate. The same things that we fell in love with the person that covered our fears right is the same thing that we now despise about them.

Speaker 2: 30:07

And no one goes into a marriage, goes into a relationship, goes into a parenting situation with love, not a parenting situation with anything else, saying I'm going to just mess this up. Ten years from now I'm not even going to want to be in the same room with this person because something is lost in the communication over the process of time. And it's not that you don't like the person, because if you sat down and communicated with them again, you're going to be like I see why I fell in love with them. It's just that somewhere along the line we can't find the words to say how we feel anymore, whereas before, in bliss, the words come so much easier. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:57

And it's having to see our own work.

Speaker 2: 31:01

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:02

Because, bliss, it's like, oh, everything's going your way. Yeah, when it doesn't go your way, can you express and feel your feelings? And I think that's what has been lacking in a lot of conversations. Is that intimacy of having emotions and conversations and you not using it as a weapon towards me, and that's what happens in relationships.

Speaker 2: 31:24

Yeah, I have a best friend. My best friend just came home. He did eight and a half years and we grew up as brothers in each other's homes and he watched all of my evolutions. I started preaching when I was 24 years old, but I was heavy in the church. I was into music heavily. I wrote, sang, do all this other stuff. My daughter just got accepted to Howard University as a musician, so she's the new musician at the house, although I still do my thing when I have the chance.

Speaker 2: 31:56

He said to me this is the most evolved I've ever seen you. Now, this is a guy I grew up with in the street, went through the journey through church where I supposed to have been at the apex of my understanding, and I see me fall, lose everything on a number of occasions. We talk, I can talk my fears to him, because we both have some of the similar fears, some of the similar things that we've gone through, and he's like, wow, people, the similar things that we've gone through. And it's like, wow, people. Now, if you reach a level of success or a level of prominence and then you have a fall in front of the world, right, my fear of success was always that I would fail in success.

Speaker 2: 32:46

But having a church split I was a pastor of a large church condominiums, all that stuff. Having a church split and you're in the center of it and everybody it's like I couldn't even walk in the store without thinking that people was talking about me, the store without thinking that people was talking about me. But then having to go through that and realizing, all right, that two mile radius doesn't define me, having people that you've housed and got jobs blatantly sit down and just lie and say certain things. You're like Dad. It was my discernment that, far off, I had these people in my homes, I had these like. You know what's wrong with me? That I couldn't see how people really felt. It's just that the experience I had to go through and I had to go through in order to become who I am today, because if I had not gone through that experience, if I had not gone through and suffered great loss, I would not have evolved.

Speaker 1: 33:52

And have the lived experience of understanding what lack and scarcity can do to humans, because it's not the discernment of know when people feel safe they're. Like I said when you get your way and you feel safe, you're one person. All of a sudden take that away. You get to see true colors of people. Yet those true colors is are they still in lack and scarcity, because the survival mind will do some very horrific things.

Speaker 2: 34:22

Yes, on both ends, Because we often talk about what people did to us. We never tell a story of what provoked them.

Speaker 1: 34:33

Yeah, let's talk about that. People want to find a route and it's like there won't be a route, like you will not, because whatever somebody did, there was an impact from that, and then that, and then that, and then that, and then that, and then that and then that. And it's like, okay, where I appreciate mindfulness, it's like do not get stuck in the rocking chair. Where you think you're doing movement, which you are, but you're not getting anywhere. And that's where this trying to analyze and find that root, it's like, okay, be right now, have the radical compassion, have that radical honesty and feel what you're feeling.

Speaker 1: 35:10

Yet also see that you know what are human beings. And if people aren't, haven't gone into their portal inside to see their inner world, they're oblivious of what they're doing, they have no idea. And that you know when you are self-attacked and you've been harmed by somebody, it's it takes a lot of work not to want to hurt them, not to want to harm them, like it's this thing of you know, oh, return the other. And it's like wait a minute. Like do you understand, psychologically and emotionally, how difficult that is?

Speaker 2: 35:51

And we come up with catchphrases like hurt people, hurt people. Well, no, sometimes hurt people just go in the room and cry. But so this is the thing that I've experienced, or I've discovered, because we practice. I don't say we practice prayer, we practice mindfulness, we practice whatever it is that we do For our religious rituals, if we have any. But this is the thing that I learned that all those years we are taught to look without the mindset of the Christian context is like lift your hands in the air and look up and God is going to pour out some blessings. Look up and God is going to pour out some blessings. You have people right now that have gone through their experience and they're just waiting for God to show up. He may not come when you want him, but he's going to be there.

Speaker 2: 36:53

The showing up portion that I've had to learn is all from within. The problem with looking within is that when we look within, we see some mean and nasty stuff. We look at the man in the mirror, but when we look within the man in the mirror, there's some stuff about us that we don't like, that we suppress, and all of our lived experiences live in our nervous system. I was about to say, the body Live within our nervous system and they're traveling messages that goes throughout our body. That causes cancer if we don't deal with it, that causes tension, causes inflammation, that causes sickness and some of the stuff that we are fighting with disease-wise in our bodies.

Speaker 1: 37:47

It's because we're not willing to put in the work of looking with that when you first look, it's like, whew, because there's these perceptions and these masks that we wear, that we think we're this thing or this person, yet to look inside and accept our flaws thing, or this person, yet to look inside and accept our flaws.

Speaker 1: 38:08

It's like, oh no, I won't be accepted out in the world yet. Once you can accept all of you and not do a la carte, then that's where this healing and this profound transformation and change and in that it doesn't always mean that the environment is going to change. It's how you show up in it, how you engage with yourself in it, and then that changes your energy field and then the frequency and, like you said, it changes the way that people start coming into your atmosphere, because we think we have to grasp and go get things where it's like no, you attract, like, attract, like a magnet, and so you will. You have to clean out your magnet to be able to attract what it is that you want. And I think sometimes, when people are praying and they're asking for things to leave or or wanting their blessings, it's like do you actually even know what you need?

Speaker 2: 38:59

No, we don't. And that's you preaching right there, Because the scripture says you have no. Take no thought on tomorrow, for you know not what you need and which one of you can add any length of time to your day by worrying. Look at the grass in the field. By worrying, Look at the grass in the field. This is. This is so I was reading these scriptures, never realizing that these were all mindful practices.

Speaker 1: 39:33

Yeah, yeah. How was your relationship with death?

Speaker 2: 39:37

I've never been asked that. You just saw my face. If anyone knows me, they won't like if I come to the hospital. I have a horrible gift of being able to tell if somebody's about to die, and in those moments the person gravitates towards me energetically and regardless of what's going on. And and I get this, this feeling. So I don't know what led you to ask, ask that, but that's one of the gifts that I had at an early age that I try to suppress can we change the language of it please?

Speaker 2: 40:23

Oh, you asked the question. Let's change the language.

Speaker 1: 40:30

As I said, I let intuition and intention and we're both understanding of being a vessel and having that language. You said that this is a horrible gift.

Speaker 1: 40:42

Well, all gifts are good, it's just draining, right, it's draining and and it builds and it brings back trauma that that I'll probably suppress and parts of you that you've probably berated, because you see the expression on other people and the fear not recognizing that you are the doula to help them transition to the other side of love. You're that face of safety, you're that doula to help them birth over to the other side, but it feels like nobody's equipped you to really understand that power.

Speaker 1: 41:35

no, because death curse, but that death doula, that jewel of seeing and being able to hold that space and all of the experience that you have. It's now like recognizing. Let me honor this gift and if people are willing, I can help them to feel peace with this transition, to give language, to have a vessel where somebody could listen to them.

Speaker 2: 42:06

You know I probably preached over 200 and some plus funerals in 20 years, so maybe even more, because you know so that that has always been a part of what I've done, but I've never really looked at it that way and I thank you for that, for helping me reframe my mindset around that. Now I don't even talk about this. So this was awesome. Now you guys see firsthand and I know that everyone who follows Nat Nat know that she's a very powerful vessel. But this was in real time and I just thank God that you use your gifts the way that you do.

Speaker 1: 42:50

It's all about unity and I see more and more that the people that come into my atmosphere. There were certain gifts that they didn't know how to navigate in and nobody was a mentor for them and, because it disrupted around, they didn't understand the value of it. It's like a wild horse. I don't know how to ride this thing and I keep getting bucked and bitten and I just want to look. Okay, that I could ride the horse. So I want the people to appreciate yet really seeing what that is. So I'm thankful that we could hold the space for that perception to change, for within yourself, to see it in a different way and to relate with it in a different way, because it is, it's, it's very uncomfortable. I want to bring you into a reflective question. Okay, I want to ask you to bring your awareness right now and to go back to your 18-year-old self, and you have three words to tell your 18-year-old self to carry you through the journey to right now. What would those words be?

Speaker 2: 44:04

It's all okay.

Speaker 1: 44:06

Do you think your 18-year-old self would have listened to that?

Speaker 2: 44:10

No, no 18-year-old me was not listening.

Speaker 1: 44:18

Like most of us, are you willing to share what your intention was in the meditation?

Speaker 2: 44:34

Are you willing to share what your intention was in the meditation questions that was asked, to really be present in that and to give a side of me that I just to show up.

Speaker 1: 44:53

And I think that intention was well served, thank you. There's some things that were probably in the shadows that really got the light of your awareness and it's like, okay, we're ready to go into this next dimension. So I know many listeners now are like, okay, nat, nat, hush your mouth and let me find out where I can find Neuron. So can you let the listeners know what you have to offer and where they can find you?

Speaker 2: 45:17

Well, we have a podcast called Walk in Victory Podcast and we air every day and we interview people centered around mindfulness, best business practices and stuff like that financial literacy. We bring you the best. We sit you at the feet of the masters. Beginning in May, we're going to do Monday night mindful movements online, where we're going to from 7 to 8, 7 to 830. I'm going to be hosting a yoga class and meditation and Sunday mornings I didn't name it yet, but we do have our online service community and I'm opening it up now to the people who want to explore the scriptures with me in a mindful way.

Speaker 2: 46:09

We don't. We do have. I am a Christ-centered person but because of my training and certification through the Chopra Institute and through working with the people that I've worked with over the years, it helped me to expand and not to take the scriptures out of context, but to actually place them into the text that they need to be, along with my theological prowess. So I'll send the links for anyone who's interested in meeting with us, and I thank you for allowing me to even share with your audience.

Speaker 1: 46:46

Oh, of course it's been an honor. You know, thank you for the alchemy that you have done in your life, neron, taking those impurities and transforming them into gold and not only just keeping it for yourself. You're sharing it with the masses. So thank you for that, thank you. Is there anything that you want to leave the listeners?

Speaker 2: 47:10

The most powerful words that you can ever use in your life is I am, I am. I understood that there was power in I am, but when I learned that I am not what I am not first, I am not neuron, I am not a mindful coach, I am not a pastor, I am not a father, I just am. And when I lend room for that, I am to breathe within me. I can be a better father, I can be a better pastor. I can be, because what do I need to be today? So, as you are meditating, just strip yourself of your titles and hum to yourself, sing to yourself, repeat to yourself I am, and whatever comes up for that day, whatever comes up in that meditation, is probably what you're going to need to be, because the one thing that I learned about the solar plex, our gut, and the solar system is that they're connected and it speaks to us, but we have to be willing to listen.

Speaker 1: 48:24

I don't know if you hear the birds in your background. Do you hear them? Yes, and they came on after you revealed something. So really for me, amplifying the safety of acceptance and allowing that light to really shine brightly because birds only sing when it's safe that light to really shine brightly, because birds only sing when it's safe. And so we're continuously creating safety around you and willing to do that journey inwardly to bring those shadows into the light of your awareness. So thank you for the warrior work that you're doing, ron, it's greatly appreciated.

Speaker 2: 49:01

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 49:04

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