Redefining Success: Self-Compassion and Authenticity

Ever found yourself overwhelmed by stress and searching for a way to truly reconnect with your inner self? In this episode of Lift One Self, we're joined by the insightful Krystal Clark, owner of Moving with Meaning, to explore the fusion of mental health and self-care through meditation. Crystal guides us in a grounding meditation, emphasizing the importance of breath awareness and setting intentions. Together, we uncover the transformative practice of pausing to check in with oneself and redirecting neural energy, drawing from Crystal's profound experience with an emotional liberation master class. This conversation is a deep dive into the liberating power of breathwork and the often-overlooked necessity of emotional expression.

Shifting gears, Krystal shares her personal journey from the high-stress world of IT consulting to becoming an emotional resilience coach and author. This transition wasn't just a career change; it was a life-altering shift sparked by a poignant conversation with her young daughter. We discuss how embodying our true selves and integrating professional principles into personal growth can lead to a more harmonious and fulfilling life. Krystal and I reflect on the pivotal moments that reshaped our priorities, highlighting the crucial role of self-compassion and authenticity.

Finally, we tackle the concept of career mental health and the integral role of emotional resilience in professional settings. Through personal anecdotes, we discuss the significance of emotional intelligence in managing workplace stress and the need for emotional validation, especially for those from diverse backgrounds. We advocate for a shift in leadership mentality to prioritize personal well-being, sharing effective communication strategies through our 3C approach: Connect, Comprehend, and Create Credibility. Tune in as we share our stories of overcoming defensive communication patterns and building trust, ultimately fostering healthier and more supportive workplaces. Don’t forget to follow us on social media under Lift Oneself for more insights and updates!

To find out more about Krystal Clark
https://movingwithmeaning.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Mental Health and Self-Care Meditation
• 8:41 Professional to Personal
• 22:39 Navigating Career Mental Health Resilience
• 30:10 Effective Communication and Emotional Resilience
• 43:27 Spread the Message for Mental Health

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, crystal. I'm so thankful to have you here.

Speaker 2: 0:50

Thank you so much for having me, Nat.

Speaker 1: 0:53

How are you? I'm well. How are you?

Speaker 2: 0:56

I'm doing good. I'm ready for the weekend.

Speaker 1: 1:00

Me too. Me too. It's been a long week, I guess it was had a lot of challenges, and then Sunday I'm doing my first in person event, so there's some excitement, some fear, some you know. Oh, what's gonna happen, like anything that you create. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Speaker 2: 1:22

Absolutely. I agree with that. I agree with that.

Speaker 1: 1:26

Will you join me in a guided meditation so we can ground ourselves in our breath?

Speaker 2: 1:32

You know I'm up for it. Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 1:35

Great and for the listeners. As you always hear me say, safety first. So if you're listening to this while driving or requiring your visual, please don't close your eyes, and if you're feeling too relaxed for whatever activity you're doing, then just fast forward over to our conversation. Yet I encourage you to come back and do this mindful moment for yourself. So, crystal, I'll ask you to get comfortable in your seating and you're going to gently close your eyes and you're going to bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out through your nose, and you're just going to breathe in and out through your nose. Don't try to control your breath, just be aware of its rhythm and watching it go in and out through your nose.

Speaker 1: 2:33

There may be some sensations or feelings coming up in the body. It's okay, let them come up. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go. Surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Be with your breath, drop into your body, just keep your awareness on your breath. There may have been some thoughts or memories coming up, and it's fine. Just gently bring your awareness back to your breath and drop deeper into your body and drop deeper into your body. Just stay with your breath, continue staying with your breath.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Now, crystal in your mind, I'm going to ask you to create an intention you want to bring forth in this conversation for the listeners and for ourselves. And when you've created that intention, I'll ask you to release it in your mind, allowing it to drop down into your nervous system, down your neck, through your throat, down into your chest, filling your heart, filling your lungs, going down into your abdomen, down into your stomach, into your life force, and still staying with your breath, still staying with your breath, allowing that intention to surround your energy field and dropping deeper into the body. And dropping deeper into the body. Now, while still staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace, you're going to gently open your eyes, while still staying with your breath breath.

Speaker 2: 5:17

How's your heart doing? Wonderful, wonderful. I love those meditations, taking a pause out the day, and it actually changes your voice. I don't know if my voice now sounds calm from all that excitement, that I, just all that energy, I'm gonna bring it back. But yeah, I like that. I like that the awareness. I think that's the really big key.

Speaker 1: 5:35

Yeah, and we don't realize how fast our mind is going or how our nervous system's looking for safety, looking for control, and we can forget to not. You know, take a moment and pause and just check in with ourselves. Redirect the sails, redirect the energy, like we may not be able to control the wind, but we can control the sail and where it's going to, you know, take us. Yeah, that's true, because our neural energy is very powerful and a lot of us are stuck in our head and we don't take enough time to drop into our body and feel our sensations and emotions and feelings yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking on that, a lot of pondering going on with that.

Speaker 2: 6:23

So tell me more. Well, you know I have been taking enrolled in this other, uh, emotional liberation, uh master class, and it's 90 minutes. It's like an accelerated class for a month, two days out the week, tuesdays and Thursdays, for just 90 minutes of breath work, 90 minutes of really talking about the things that we're insecure about or that trigger us, and you would be like 90 minutes of doing all of that you know what I mean.

Speaker 2: 6:59

And it goes by so fast because it's like oh, I've been wanting to do this and I haven't allowed myself or given myself the permission to do these things, you know, and to do it in such a way that's liberating, healthy, and then you don't feel so bad afterwards, after handling all that, because that's what we're running away from. We're running away from the pain, we're running away from bringing those feelings up, and that's the first step and it's just been amazing. I'm just thinking like, wow, why haven't I caught on to this yet? But I'm there, I'm there.

Speaker 1: 7:38

You know, these are the simplistic things that we weren't afforded at a young age and a lot of us were separated from our emotions so we didn't know how to process it. Now, to come back into the body and feel these energies and these sensations and feelings it's like, and then see how sometimes our behavior looks very immature, yet our mind will be like that's not the way to behave. Where it's like, the body's like I just need a space to express. Can you just let me let this stuff out and so you know. Thank you for sharing that and allowing people to see. You know what your inner work is and what you are committing to and the space that you're creating for yourself. What you are committing to and the space that you're creating for yourself Like that in-person events I'm doing on Sunday is called Give Yourself Space and it's about feel, breathe, let go and you know how I start all these podcasts is in this grounded meditation.

Speaker 1: 8:41

It's in the breath, so it's coming back into your body and creating that safety, because a lot of times we don't want to pay attention to the body. You're inconveniencing me. I don't have time to feel this. I got other things and yada where it's like well, I actually have some power and some energy. You could actually amplify the things that you want to do and actually remove the things that you're doing that you don't need to be doing. Yet it takes coming into that body to really better, you know, relate to yourself, which can be challenging, and it's a journey to come back home.

Speaker 2: 9:16

Yeah, look, I can tell that's your brand. Okay, every time I talk to you, it's about space, space, space, space, space, space, space. I love it. The commitment and just the power that you bring with it it's amazing. It's amazing. It's like your brand identity. That's, that's kind of what I do, so I love it. I love that. I'm all about it.

Speaker 1: 9:38

Yeah, it's. It took me like a few years to embody what I'm speaking. So when people feel and they're around me, they're like, oh, like you're not just talking some kind of theory or textbook, or you're actually living it and I can feel it, and it's like, yeah, the embodiment is allowing the messiness.

Speaker 1: 9:58

There is no perfection or performative. It's okay, let's see what's going to show up and let's face it rather than run away or numb it. Yet at times we have to, because it's just too overwhelming for our nervous system, and that's where we hold space for ourself. That's why we need radical compassion, because how we show up with all this stuff is we don't always, can't always control our behavior when the emotions hijack them. So it's like, okay, let's create the tools so that we can create harmony with it all and hold space for ourselves.

Speaker 2: 10:33

Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting that you brought that up, because how we work in our professional lives is completely different than how we work in our personal lives.

Speaker 2: 10:44

Work in our professional lives is completely different than how we work in our personal lives.

Speaker 2: 10:47

And I took this trek on this IT consulting journey for about eight years and actually wrote a book and it's, you know, quote unquote eight chapters long, but it's dedicated to each year in that consulting time frame that I had and what I learned. And when I came out of it, I was like, you know, if I worked on myself as hard as I worked at that job right, and applied those same principles to myself, I would be just as quote unquote high performing, if you will, or happy, satisfied or what, the elation that I felt as far as succeeding in whatever was thrown at me. Because, yeah, when you go into consulting, you don't know what you're going to get into, you don't know what the state is going to be, things are going to kind of go off the rails a little bit, risks that weren't supposed to happen are going to happen and you got to pivot. You know, and I remember just being it was effortlessly, I could do it beautifully, but when something like that disrupted my life personally, my personal routine, you know, a traffic wreck?

Speaker 2: 11:57

Okay, see now this messing me up because it's taking me 30 minutes off my day. Now I had everything ticked down to the T, right. It would throw me into a chaos and I'm like why can I not function the same way? And that was like what I was thinking. I was like, ah, so that became the premise of my book was how did I apply these professional principles that made me really successful and how do I transform them into like personal guiding principles?

Speaker 1: 12:30

That's what I love it. I got ahead because you know I love being in your energy and connecting with you. It's so easy to have conversations, yet for many listeners they're like okay, nat, nat, who is Crystal and who are you talking to? So could you let the listeners know a little bit about who Crystal is?

Speaker 2: 12:51

Sure, well, I'll be honest with you, I'm just an everyday person dealing with everyday stuff. But if I was to describe myself, I am coming up on 20 years two decades in the data management professional world and I'm starting to transition to an emotional resilience career coach, a published author and a blogger. So I'm moving into that space, taking my energy and my skills and kind of spreading the love. That's what I'm doing.

Speaker 1: 13:26

Love it, and what?

Speaker 2: 13:34

was that defining moment of the pivot to go into the inner world, I think. I think it was almost always there. It just was building up. It was building up, building up, because you're always waiting for that moment to actually say, okay, I'm ready to transition. You know, and I was thinking, I've always had it and I can remember the first moment where I started to do the transition if that makes sense, where versus when the change actually, when I actually took the change, it was like I started walking up the hill to the change.

Speaker 2: 14:05

And I remember this moment and I remember my job was, you know, I was traveling throughout the week and my, my daughter I would. She would miss me throughout the week. So I have three kids and I have my husband and I remember being at home one weekend and we were just hanging out with my daughter. She had to be like four, like she was still in daycare. Uh, she said, mom, why, why you can't stay here? Why can't you find some work here? And I said well, you know I'm trying to make a living for us. You see this house, don't you like living in this house? Yeah, don't you like all the things I got you and all the stuff. So she said, yeah. I said, well, well, that's why I do this, that's's, that's my sacrifices. To go off to work, she goes. Well, if that's the case, well then I don't need all that, then I don't like all that, I'd rather you be here. So when she told me that, that stuck with me and I said, ok, I need to start making the transition To be home, to meet the needs of my family, like what's important, right, because you can find a way we put it in our heads that I have to be like this, do like this, and this is the way it's going to work for me to make this living and this life for my family, all the while. And then justify saying, but I'm missing out on the most important things that they're having day to day, right, but I'm missing out on the most important things that they're having day to day, right.

Speaker 2: 15:26

So I started in my career, kind of building my own brand and what I. It was kind of like I was testing the waters, like could I really do this? Like could I really develop programs, could I really coach and mentor folks? And there's this program at work and I basically became, you know, this higher profile coach this resource pool of individuals, people would come and want to work for me and then they leave.

Speaker 2: 15:53

Better, you know, you know how, when they say, when you and changing that, I guess the stigma or the realm of people being a threat right Of you hoarding information, because, oh, if you share that with them, what are they going to do? They're going to be better than you, they're going to do something else. And I started saying no, no, no, no, no. I want to. If I had to, I want to create a bunch of mini-me's right, I want to impart all this knowledge because if it was all on me, then I will never be able to be there for the other people in my life because everyone's going to always pull on me.

Speaker 2: 16:37

You know when I decided to go off on my own at this particular company. This is very important. When you're branding and creating your brand, you need to analyze your company, whether it's your own company or the company that you work for. What are their values and are they living up to them as they say they are? And you know how.

Speaker 2: 17:02

They always talk about harassment. You know, and when you go to work every year, they make you take these harassment videos so they can check it off. Make sure that. Hey, we did it. And I was just in this one six month period. I mean I experienced every piece of that kind of scenario of harassment and I mean I saw it play out. I saw being the one to stand up like being the whistleblower, quote, unquote or whatever, and I shouldn't get retaliation on that and I'm going to get all the support. No, I mean it went so high up the chain that so many people were involved in and I said I can't be here and I felt bad because they removed me from the space of the people I was protecting.

Speaker 2: 17:43

I I said I can't be here and I felt bad because they removed me from the space of the people I was protecting. I had convinced these people to speak up. I got you, I got them all together and everything like that, and they moved me away from them and it was hard I mean, it was heartbreaking to have to leave them. I couldn't talk to them, I couldn't do anything with them, and they're like what do we do? I said I can't even talk to you, right? So I know the power that I held at that moment and I knew the power that they held and I said no, I got to change that.

Speaker 2: 18:18

I can't be here at this company, but I can change it in my own, so let me create my own. And that was.

Speaker 1: 18:29

So many listeners probably got a little triggered with that, because they can see themselves in a scenario being in an institute where they're saving face by saying, oh yeah, we do all this, but behind the lines none of that is being done. Heartbreak, the anger, the frustration, the confusion how did you hold space for yourself and not allow it to drown you or dim you in a way that you weren't able to really take that leap for yourself?

Speaker 2: 19:07

That's a good question. I had to look back and I'm gonna go back to one of our conversations Authenticity. I really had to look back and say, wait a minute now, crystal. Who are you? Who are you? Did you really let them down, or did you help them speak up and see what's really there and that they don't always have? Like like people don't have to need your presence for you to have empowered them right?

Speaker 2: 19:43

So there was a lot of good in my presence and the activity that I did and the network that I built, because it wasn't when I left. They didn't blame me. It was so much appreciation, you know, and I had to focus on that because I was too at one point. I was just focused on the fact that I left them Right and all the bad that could come from that and all I wasn't. I was almost shutting myself off to all the appreciation that I was getting from the people saying I see now, thank you, let's go out. I developed an enormous amount of network from that and I thought about it and I said wait a minute now, because that's who I am.

Speaker 2: 20:32

So I'm not going to apologize for standing up. I'm not going to apologize for standing up. I'm not going to apologize for being in a position where I could not. My hands were tied because whatever I could do, I did do Right, and whatever I did do was leave a legacy, and that's all I wanted, right, because they know me and my legacy is left there. So I think that's how I met myself and at that point where I always said okay, wow, you're more than what you think, baby girl, you know what I mean, you know it was. It was really empowering, a real empowering moment.

Speaker 1: 21:11

Yeah, it sounds like you came into a space of believing in yourself and trusting yourself very much so, very much so, where we're less yeah, it's a big uh journey to go into that if you've been severed from it.

Speaker 1: 21:27

And also what came to mind when you were explaining that a lot of us, because of religion, we've been indoctrinated that there's this one savior and we're just going to worship and, and you know, follow whatever this one person is saying and they're going to make it all right and they're going to do the fighting for me and all this stuff. Where it's like, ah, I'm waking you guys up to know that you have power within yourself and it's us in a group, not just one person, that's going to disrupt these systems. So that takes its own work in internally. Because you know the abandonment and feeling, the rejection if we've ever felt that deeply for ourselves and then see it for somebody else all we're seeing the negative. We're not able to open up and see the positive of what is their work. You just continuously think you've got more work to give to them. Where it's like, no, no, no, no, you did what was supposed to, yet that is its challenge in itself.

Speaker 2: 22:29

Yeah, that's hard, that's a hard road. It's a hard road, but you got to. I mean, it's a committed road too. Right, and I? To me it's about emotional resilience books or what have you. When I coach, it's about literally career mental health. No one's ever put those two words together, right? Career mental health, not just mental health, mental health in the career. It requires an emotional or an enormous amount of emotional resilience and people say, well, that's that.

Speaker 2: 23:09

Well, when I first heard the word resilience, I was like, when I first heard the word resilience, I was like, oh me strong, you know strength. And then I actually looked it up. But it's the ability to, like you said, navigate and be is to be able to manage them in challenging, in states of duress. Right, so that it does not negatively impact you and impact your peace, but it doesn't negatively impact just who you are and how you present yourself. Right, because some of us are unique in a way.

Speaker 2: 23:51

Right, because some of us are unique in a way, I remember someone telling me this just as a black woman and any person of a different ethnicity, we have a unique power, a unique superpower that one of us can walk into a room and immediately represent the entire race. Right, you can walk into a room and if you're a professional and this and that and all the good and whatever else put together, they're thinking in their head, oh, this is what the rest of the folks at this place is like. And then, on the flip side, if you come in there, you know another way, a different way, that negative way. So I think presentation, I know representation is important to see, you know, people who look like you in positions of power or of influence. For sure, but presentation is also important. For sure, but presentation is also important.

Speaker 1: 24:58

You don't have to speak, well, right, but as long as you can touch people and it's authentic, you're good, you're good, you know it's that relatability, um, that you know what you're speaking isn't just performative, it's something that you're living also and that you're working through, because living doesn't mean embodiment, doesn't mean that it's perfected. It means that you're always engaging to do it better, to be able to face the messiness, the mistakes, the things that make you cringe and you're like, oh my gosh. Yet you're willing to be there and face what those sensations and feelings are. Like you said, the emotional intelligence, because in the career, your emotions are not validated Not one soda.

Speaker 1: 25:44

And that's where a lot of people get the burnout and have the suicidal ideation, and all this because I'm needing some validation, yet I don't think I have the suicidal ideation. And all this because I'm needing some validation, yet I don't think I have the power for that. So I'm going externally, which, yes, if you're in a healthy environment of a business that understands mental health, there'll be a space of okay, let's speak about these emotions and see where there's solutions, not in a way to berate. Yet most of it is just no, no, no, this is what you do and that's it. We don't business about your personal life, we don't business about what you're feeling.

Speaker 1: 26:24

Just get the job done and it's like oh, and you can do that for a certain amount of time, but after a while, at a certain point, your body's like what are you doing? And the reason why I do my business is because my body went and shut the F down and I wouldn't want anybody to have to go through what I went through. So anything that I can do to help you know, come back home, come back into your body, come back into the power that you have. Yeah, I know we're lured on the outside that these things and accolades and success will all give you that, you know, absolute power of arriving somewhere.

Speaker 1: 27:10

Yeah power of arriving somewhere. Yeah, and you get them and you're like why is it still now chaining the page and I got more stuff to do, it's like because there's no arriving, yeah, but yes, I didn't know, I was the donkey chasing the carrot. What the frick is this shit? Like you, let me into this bamboozled frigging space and you know that is the hard wake up call where a lot of people have faced in career.

Speaker 1: 27:39

Because, you know it's really. It's very challenging not to take it personally when something is going on and then nobody at your workplace is checking in on you. But when they need you and there's things going wrong with the job, oh, your phone's going off the hook, but now they need some help or some space. Oh, no, no, no, we don't got time for that. And that's a hard realization to wake up to 100%.

Speaker 2: 28:08

Yes, yes, a lot of people do this, a lot of people do that, and you're right, that is. My mission too is to help people avoid that. I don't want anyone to go through what I've had to go through, and there's a lot of people that have a different mentality. They're like oh no, I didn't, oh, you can do it too, kind of thing, and it's like whoa, but was what was done to you right? Did it really make you? You know, because it made you bitter, made you resentful, because I was there. That's how I know that that's what it is doing to you because I was bitter, I was resentful.

Speaker 2: 28:43

Right, you change the narrative. If you're going to, you know, raise the future leadership and lead them, you need to go ahead and change, recognize it with yourself first. Right, because you can see it, people can see it. You know when you, you can see when someone is in a position of leadership, you can see how people react, because they're reacting out of fear. They're reacting out of fear. They don't, they don't approach them, they don't do anything.

Speaker 2: 29:09

I mean, I've seen people who were like women OK, I'm saying people, I'm talking specifically women. Ok, because I know what they had to do to get to the position they were in. You know, and I'm trying to come at them in a way that I'm like I understand this, like you know, but but listen, and they're coming at me and I'm thinking, oh my God, are you on something? You know, but but listen, and they're coming at me and I'm thinking, oh my God, are you on something? Because that's how they are. They're very like aggressive and not in the way. I'm not talking about a woman aggressive, I'm talking about aggressive, like, like as if I offended you. Aggressive, like I'm questioning your capability. Aggressive, like you know, like I've offended you, your capability. Aggressive, like you know, like I've offended you. And it's nowhere near that. But you have that those blinders on because of, like you said, triggering people have questioned you in the past because you've had to do and jump over these hurdles. And now I'm in this position and you're going to come and ask me, you know, and it's, it has nothing to do with it.

Speaker 2: 30:10

And so you, you have to really navigate just who you're speaking to as well the audience, and that changes because you're meeting different people over and over. You can't approach your same target the same way every time. You can't do that. You have to be able to and I have this what I call a 3C approach. But you have to be able to connect, comprehend right and create your credibility. In that order, I say in that order. No, you can't do credibility for you know it's got to be. You have to be able to connect with them right. When you understand something that they have said and you restated it and say, oh yeah, and apply it to something that is personally related to you, you create a connection. Now I've linked up with you. So now listen to what I'm saying, because now I'm credible. It works every time I work across countries, globally Works every time. Doesn't hurt for me to change how I speak to you. You know to create a network, to create a link. Are you kidding me, right? We're both growing in this space.

Speaker 2: 31:16

But you know to force somebody to accept how you're speaking to them in a certain way and then try to cover up with well, no, I'm not. I hear that a lot. I hear that a lot and it's like you guys have to learn how to shift, shift your tone, shift a lot of things, because people, like you said it's emotional, it's triggering, there's something there and you've missed it in what they have said to you. You've missed it and you've ignored it because you've prioritized yourself over that person in that conversation. Yeah, we want to prioritize ourselves, but not when we're speaking with another person. Right, because we're equals now. We're equals, right. It's a give and take, so it's a balance. You know, and it's just some of those things that when I talk to different clients and things like that, we go, we just break it down, we just break it down. But it's like you say, it's heavy in the career in the corporate world. It's crazy there, crazy, crazy.

Speaker 1: 32:24

Yeah, it's a lot of bumping and power struggles. Now you mentioned aggressive in women and you know Black women in the business can feel very offensive to people and you showed that part. I'm not talking about being direct and being firm on something. I'm talking about the aggression of the insecurity, the anger, the bitterness, the sadness, the fear. How did you? Because now that you recognize you've done your own inner work. So how did you befriend that emotion of anger so that you can hold and connect and recognize it, so that you can shift to see the space and not get tangled into the back and forth of that energy, because anger likes to tessel.

Speaker 1: 33:19

And yet if you face anger, it will diminish some of its power of being defensive and then you can use it as aggression, of being direct and being able to communicate to find solutions, not defend that.

Speaker 2: 33:34

it's only my way if that makes sense, perfect sense. Great question Got an answer, sorry. So I was leading projects at this point in my career and, like I said, I got all of my little book. But I remember on two different projects I got the same feedback at the end from my lead where they said Crystal is a great lead, but she needs to work on her communication. It can come off, even though she's right. She's coming off as condescending in emails, in conversation, in any form, and this will stop her from achieving the next level.

Speaker 2: 34:20

When you hear that twice back to back, you kind of got to stop and be like wait a minute. Yeah, you know, and these were people. That one validated me. You see the difference? They didn't criticize me first, they validated me and then, after they gave me the feedback, they gave me support, they wanted to see me grow. A lot of people will just give the feedback and they won't say why they want. You know they won't validate that. You do you know doing this or anything. They won't validate people. And that's what my thing was is I needed to be validated. I didn't need to be questioned anymore. I wanted to be validated.

Speaker 2: 34:57

And when that came the second time around, I stopped to think and I go, wait a minute, I am, that is true, right, I am coming off very pretentious. I know I am right, I know that they're wrong and for some reason I need to make it clear why. Why is that so significant to you? Well, because people have been challenging my intelligence my entire life, right? So now I've made it, I've made it to the big time and everybody's going to know. And then I was like, well, why? Why do I need to know? Don't you know? Aren't you satisfied, you know? And then I stopped and I said, wow, I really am bitter, I really am resentful and that really is holding me back, not only just career-wise, just, I couldn't.

Speaker 2: 35:53

It was a block in my relationships with my children, with my parents, with anybody that I interacted with. It was a personal block, because I was always on the defense, right, and it's like no, everyone's not attacking you, these are people who don't know. They're learning from you. They're allowed to ask if you were willing to teach and I didn't realize that, being elite, you were also teaching. So, yeah, it brought all of these things up and, like I said, I had to hold the space If I did not give myself the space to really reflect on that feedback, I would not be talking to you right now, I wouldn't be where I'm at right now, I wouldn't be branded emotional resilience right, and I couldn't connect with other people who are going through the same thing because I haven't realized it. So, yeah, it took me a moment, but it took feedback, and it took feedback from people who really cared and validated me. The validation was a really important part that really said, okay, let's think about this girl, you know.

Speaker 1: 37:01

Yeah, you had the safety and trust that you're not here to harm me and belittle me and push me down. And what struck me too is when you were like, oh, who are you to question me? That also comes a lot in. You know Caribbean or colored families. Do as you're told and question me. Don't question authority when it's like well, how am I supposed to know?

Speaker 2: 37:30

why I'm doing the things that I'm doing. Yes, look at me, we're at the church. Yes, you're right, you're right, you're right. Ugh, my children, this, my children. This works with children. I'm telling you I have okay, if we got time, I'm just going to tell you the story.

Speaker 2: 37:46

But so my husband, he's very much like that and you know, I'll tell him, donnell, you got to explain. You're like I don't have to explain to them. They're my kids, you know. And I said, well, they need to understand why you're telling them this, because they will remember it and you won't have to say it again, right, or whatever. So one time there's two times with one was with my own son and another one was with another lady's son.

Speaker 2: 38:13

Ok, so first time was my son was. We were trying to take baseball pictures and he was out running. He kind of got far away from the group and he was running around with one of his other baseball teammates and they were near some woods. Okay, and I don't want to be the mom, but I was like, ah, come on over here, come back, come back. And so he came on back and he said mom, and it was like in front of all these adults questioning me what was wrong with me playing in the woods. And I said if someone was to grab you over there, do you think I could get you? And he said no. I said, well, that's why. And he goes oh, ok, that was it and the story Right, all the other kids heard it and all the other parents heard it, so that message reverberated to him and everybody else.

Speaker 2: 39:05

Fast forward. We're at another baseball game and this other lady we were kind of chit chatting and her son was coming up to bat. Before she come at the bat, she goes hey, why don't you tie your shoe? And he's like no, and so I go, you sure, because you know like if you hit the ball and you run you could trip and miss the base, right. And he goes, oh, and he went down to tie his shoe. And his mom goes well, why'd you listen to her? And he, he said, because she gave me a reason. She explained it Simple, simple, right, it works with children, it works at work. That's why I said, wow, this stuff transcends across the lanes, baby, you know it works, it does.

Speaker 1: 39:55

I know the listeners are now like, okay, where do I find Crystal and what is this book that she keeps referencing to? So can you let the listeners know where they can find you in the title of this book, please?

Speaker 2: 40:08

but look for it. It's Embrace the Code, Cultivating Emotional Resilience in a Tough IT Culture. All right, and I will link you guys up. You can find all that information all on my website at movingwithmeaningcom. Everything all my podcasts, all my social media links, all my good stuff, my blogs and everything I love to share. I'm overshare. I'll be putting stuff up there all day. Pass them out.

Speaker 1: 40:45

And for the listeners it'll be all in the show notes, because I do understand we're in a society that we don't do too much research unless it's really invested or you are a person that does research, so it's all going to be clickable and you will be able to get access to crystal right away. I have a reflective question to ask you. I'm going to ask you to take your awareness right now and to go back to your 18 year old self, and you have three words to tell your 18 year old self to carry you through the journey to right now. What would those words be?

Speaker 2: 41:26

It would be commitment, authenticity and unwavering. I think those three Perfect. I think those three perfect for me.

Speaker 1: 41:41

Are you willing to share what your intention was at the meditation?

Speaker 2: 41:46

sure. So my hope is that the listeners find inspiration and empowerment to navigate their own journey with a resilient spirit and an unwavering commitment to authenticity. That is the key to lasting success and a genuine connection with others. That's what I got genuine connection with others.

Speaker 1: 42:21

That's what I got. As always, it's always a delight to connect and to deep dive with you and to have like this open, safe space to really, you know, reveal ourselves and share our truths and, you know, share our different perspectives, as any listener can hear and what you shared you've done the walk of the talk that you're giving. So I want to thank you and give you your flowers while you were here and say how much I appreciate the alchemy that you've done in your life and the impurities that you've gone through, that you've transformed them into gold, yet you're not just keeping it for yourself, you're sharing it with others. So thank you for the light that you bring into them, into gold. Yet you're not just keeping it for yourself, you're sharing it with others. So thank you for the light that you bring into this world, crystal.

Speaker 2: 43:05

I accept, I appreciate and give it all back to you, baby girl, because you good here. Thank you so much for having me, nat Nat.

Speaker 1: 43:16

Please remember to be kind to yourself.

Speaker 2: 43:19

Absolutely, thank you.

Speaker 1: 43:22

Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time. If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation. So please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on Facebook, Instagram and TikTok under Lift Oneself, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery call liftoneselfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.