Rising from Tragedy: Journey to Purpose and Joy

How does one rise from the depths of personal tragedy to find a sense of purpose and joy? Join us for an intimate conversation with Will "Wize" Otero, host of the Stuck in My Mind podcast, as he takes us through his journey from growing up in Brooklyn with a single mother to becoming an influential podcast host. Will shares the resilience his mother instilled in him and opens up about how her recent passing has shaped his perspective on life. This episode underscores the importance of mindfulness and self-care, featuring a grounding breathing exercise highlighting the power of being present amidst overwhelming emotions.

Life is a series of ups and downs, often marked by profound loss and moments of rediscovery. Hear the heart-wrenching story of Denise Otero's sudden passing and how it led to a spiral of heavy drinking, job loss, and fractured family life. Moving back to Brooklyn and reconnecting with estranged family members in Puerto Rico served as a catalyst for healing. We reflect on overcoming feelings of being cursed and self-destructive behaviours, finding a turning point in therapy, and the positive changes brought about by moving to the Pocono Mountains.

Love and grief intertwine in complex ways, often transforming our lives for the better. We delve into the dynamics of relationships, the significance of being open to different kinds of love, and the necessity of vulnerability in building true connections. This episode also tackles breaking the stigma around men's mental health, encouraging men to express their feelings and seek help without judgment. Discover inspiring stories of goal setting, manifestation, and the impact of positive influences, offering valuable insights on how to discover one's purpose and joy in life. This is an episode filled with resilience, hope, and the transformative power of human connections.

Learn more about Will "Wize" Otero:
https://stuckinmymindpodcast.com/

https://www.instagram.com/wize_el_jefe/

Chapters

• 0:00 Breaking Mental Health Stigmas Through Conversations
• 12:58 A Series of Tragedies
• 21:59 Journey of Overcoming Adversity
• 35:42 Navigating Love and Grief
• 43:25 Discovering Purpose Through Overcoming Fears
• 50:34 Inspiring Stories of Overcoming Adversity

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and with me is a special guest. He is Will, and I would love if you would introduce yourself to the audience and let them know a little bit about you, please.

Speaker 2: 1:02

Hello everyone. My name is Will Wise Otero. I'm the host of Stuck in my Mind podcast. I've been podcasting for the last four years and I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to be a guest, thank you.

Speaker 1: 1:17

I was graciously a guest on his podcast and after our conversation I was like can you please come and be gracious to be on the Lift One Self podcast so you can share your wisdom with the audience, because I know you have a lot to offer and I know your story is going to resonate with some of the listeners so that they know that there's you know, a different way and there's light in that dark tunnel that they may be in.

Speaker 2: 1:45

Definitely, definitely. It's been a crazy life, but you know what it's life? Because me, I was born and raised in Brooklyn, new York, by a single mom. I have five older siblings and it was like life. Growing up wasn't easy, but it wasn't that hard as well. I never realized.

Speaker 2: 2:11

You know, when you're poor, in those moments you don't realize that you're poor. Yeah, exactly, so that was because my mom made it, so that we didn't need anything. So it was, it was always. It was just.

Speaker 2: 2:26

It was amazing to be to have her raise us and us not realizing that we were poor and we were, but we didn't realize it, she didn't let us know, it was always. We was always always having. We had food on the table, we had a roof over our head. She never made, she never let us go without. So it was a, it was a blessing to be raised by her and to have her as my mom, because and and I'm talking about her right now, because she passed away earlier this year and it was I'm a mama's boy. Like I said, I'm a mama's boy. It was hard to go through what we went through this past year with her and seeing her deteriorate before my eyes, but I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself, because my story begins way before that and I'm just glad to be able to come on here and share my story with people. I'm just glad to be able to come on here and share my story with people.

Speaker 1: 3:44

So, before we get into there, will you join me in a breath so that we can connect with each other and open the space? Okay, and, as you know, listeners, I'm going to ask Will and myself to close our eyes. Yet most people are listening to the podcast while driving. So, please, safety first, don't close your eyes yet. Um, you're able to follow the other prompts, uh, just to be able to ground yourself and re-center where you are in the moment. So we'll allow you to get comfortable in your seating and you're going to gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out through your nose. You're not going to try and control your breath, you're just going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to bring you into your body.

Speaker 1: 4:45

There may be some sensations or feelings that are coming up. It's okay, let them surface. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go, surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be. Drop into your body and be with the breath. Now there may be some thoughts or memories that have popped up, and it's okay. Gently, bring your awareness back to your breath, creating a space between the awareness and your thoughts, being with the breath and going deeper into the body, allowing there to be a surrender and opening again there may be some more thoughts that came in and bring your awareness to your breath, creating more space between the awareness and the thoughts, dropping deeper into your body Now, while still staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to slowly open your eyes while staying with your breath. How is your heart doing?

Speaker 2: 6:17

oh, it's feeling good. It's amazing. I need you to to um record yourself for me that's a great feeling.

Speaker 1: 6:28

I love that feeling yeah, um, I have a few people that ask if I could be in their back pocket. I'm just helping to guide and this is always within your reach because you're the one that's actually accessing it. It's not me, I'm just giving you the guidance to have the ability to access it.

Speaker 2: 6:46

Yes, but you have that voice that helps Regulate your nervous system, helps get me there.

Speaker 1: 6:53

So I need that voice going.

Speaker 2: 6:57

Yeah, I think I want to start doing that before each and every episode.

Speaker 1: 7:02

Yeah, it makes a difference Because it just you know, and I use this practice several times a day, especially when my mind has gone stir crazy or I'm getting overwhelmed and I can see I'm the rabbit in alice in wonderland. No time, no time running around it was.

Speaker 2: 7:22

Uh, today was a trying day, so it so it was needed. That was definitely needed.

Speaker 1: 7:30

Yeah, so I built this practice. It didn't come naturally. I had to work at it and really just remember, because a lot of times we want to access something when it's in high alert, when we haven't even instilled it in our everyday life, and then wonder, well, why can't I access it? And it's like, well, like when you're in a fire and if you haven't learned where the exits are, where the water is, where the fire extinguisher, you think you're going to know where this is, when you're not able to breathe and the house is on fire and you're burning. So it's remembering to do it when you're in a calm state so that when you're in high alert, you can remember that this tool is here to help you center yourself and regulate, because what we're doing is regulating the nervous system to release all the buildup of what went on today. Like you said, it was a trying day for you, so this space allows you to just let it melt away and remember like, wait, let me come here and not be stuck in my head. Let me drop into my body and release all of the stuff that I gathered today. So, yeah, it's a practice and I appreciate doing this.

Speaker 1: 8:42

I started this about maybe a year ago in my podcast, I was a little apprehensive. Yet I was like you know what I'm going to bring people into the practical. We always say what to do and how to do it. Yet I was like let me model it and demonstrate it. Yeah, maybe some listeners won't listen because I don't want to hear that. Yet those that do, they'll get the benefit of exactly what this does for them and giving themselves that. You know, two minute break to regulate and remember. I can have access to this all the time. So before I do have access to it.

Speaker 2: 9:19

I do have access because we did it on my show, so I can always snip, snip it from there and and use it yeah, it's on my website also.

Speaker 1: 9:29

I have a lot of meditations on my website and they're longer ones I'm gonna have to go to your website yeah, and they're longer ones and some of them have themes and stuff like that. So, um, I have a lot of free content that I understand. You know the work that is needed to. You know, walk through this journey of life and all the experiences and also have more self-awareness of yourself and you know no longer separate from self to be in your worth and be with self. And when those emotions and you know and all that stuff comes up, it's okay, let me face it and not try to run away or pinch myself away from it. So it's a very powerful tool to access our breath and regulating our nervous system.

Speaker 1: 10:21

Before the meditation, you started talking about your beautiful mother, who is on the other side of love, which you know. I felt her presence in our podcast last week when we were talking, and you have brought her back in here. Yet, as you said, that's not where your journey began. There's somebody else on the other side of love that is always guiding you and and being there. So could you rewind it and let the listeners know your journey?

Speaker 2: 10:51

Oh yeah, um yeah, um, uh. 2008,. Um, I was, uh, 31 years old, um, happily married to, to my best friend, to someone who had, in the time that we were together, had shown me a different path. First, wife Denise. It was a crazy story how we met and from the moment she saw me, her thing was I'm going to have him, I'm going to make him mine, which she did, and along the way, she introduced me to the world of self-development and wanting to improve myself and all these different things that I, coming from East New York, brooklyn, wasn't something that we were taught. It was go to school, get education, go to college, but a lot of people from my hood don't go to college. It was not something that we did. So when she introduced me to the world of wanting to improve myself, wanting to live the world of improvement and just development and improving yourself, it was like, okay, this is something different. What I didn't know was she was preparing me for what was to come. So she introduced me to the Secret all these different other books, all these different authors, different other books, all these different authors and this was like 2004, 2005. And then 2008,.

Speaker 2: 12:58

She comes home from work and she was an entrepreneur. This is when Zumba first came out. She was teaching a Zumba class and everything. And so she came home right after work, got her gear because she loved to dance, she loved to see people dancing and loved to. She had a beautiful smile and just great energy. So she goes let's go teach your class.

Speaker 2: 13:28

Half hour later I get a knock on my door and it's Tampa Bay Police Department. They're at my door and they're like does Denise Otero live here? And I'm like yeah, and they're like, well, otero live here. And I'm like yeah, and they're like, well, I'm her husband. And she was like, well, I'm sorry to let you know that she has passed. She was in a car accident and she has passed.

Speaker 2: 13:58

And it was like surreal. It wasn't, it was my stepdaughter was behind me, she was. She was like what, what was going on? And and it was just, it was like just a punch in the gut, like I didn't. I'm like what do you mean? She's not here, she just left, like I just saw her, not even 30 minutes ago. No, this has got to be a mistake.

Speaker 2: 14:29

And just it was something like out of a movie. Like when you see something in a movie where they come in, they let the people know that someone that they love the one that fast. And I, just where they come in, they let the people know that someone that they love the one that fast, or, and I, I, I just I was just in a fog. It was like that day after after that and it was just. It was just craziness in my head. I didn't, it was. I didn't know what was going on and it's just something I couldn't believe that had happened. Like I said, she just left the house. It was like this is a joke. This is someone. You're playing a trick, right?

Speaker 1: 15:18

And.

Speaker 2: 15:20

I called my mother-in-law. I'm trying to talk to her, I can't talk, I'm just breaking down. The officer takes the phone and she explains to her what happened. And it was just. It was like to this day now.

Speaker 2: 15:39

It's a struggle for me sometimes, but it was like an out of body, like I'm in an out of body experience, like not, I'm looking at myself like what is, what is, what is this, what is going on? And so I went and identified early later on that day and that that was like the beginning of of a few years, of just one tragedy after another. And but there was the beginning where I just didn't know I I just kind of lost a part of me, and it was. It was, I was hurting, I was in pain. Then this I had never really experienced I have experienced loss before, but this was something that was someone I was close to me, someone that that I had never thought that I would be without her, and it was just devastating. It was I was.

Speaker 2: 16:53

I became angry. Why, why God had chosen me, why, what was I such a horrible person? That that that I'm getting punished? Why are you taking, why are you taking her from me? And and it was just like. It was just crazy, because she was such a beautiful person and so young she was only 35 years old, but like one of the most beautiful, beautifulest people that you will ever meet, like no, no one had anything bad to say about her. Yeah, but like one of the most beautiful, beautiful people that you will ever meet, like no no one had anything bad to say about her, yeah, just that kind of person, that, just that. That that's energy and spirit that you can just see. She was just a beautiful person in and out, and so I was just devastated. I, like my mother-in-law, got custody of her younger son my stepdaughter was already 18, so she went about her way and I went from having a family to being alone, being alone, and so I I was.

Speaker 2: 18:18

I was just started drinking heavily just not caring about anything like because I had lost everything. So, without, without them in my world, it was like, okay, what am I supposed to do now? Whatever? So it was a year of me just drinking and not caring. I lost my job, I got, I lost the apartment, like I said, the kids had went, my son had went with with his, with his grandmother, and my daughter had went her own way and and I and I was just lost.

Speaker 2: 18:51

And so 2009 comes around, a year after her death, I go to puerto rico for my mother's 70th birthday, and it was then that I decided that I was going back home to New York, because going back to Florida was not ideal for me, because I didn't have anyone in Florida. Every time everywhere I went reminded me of her. It was just too much. So I moved back to brooklyn. I'm bouncing from crib to crib, sleeping on people's couches on the floors, just just kind of not, not knowing, not having much, just had a bag full of my clothes and and was just getting drunk and high and not caring about life, not caring about anything and um, it was a cycle for for many years and it was like that. That it was because, and then later on, in that same month, in May of 2009, I received a message on Facebook and it's my half-sister, from my father's side. She's like I've been looking for you and I'm like, yes, I'm your brother and we reunited. And I hadn't seen my father in 28 years. This is 28 years of no contact, not knowing where was he, where he was at All. I knew was he was in Puerto Rico, but that was it. She found me. She was like hey, for Father's Day would you come? I'll pay your ticket, come back to Puerto Rico and you'll be his Father's Day present For him and my two brothers. I had met my older brother when I was a kid, but I hadn't met my younger brother yet. Um, so she gave me the number, I called him, spoke to him over the phone, spoke to my little brother and the set.

Speaker 2: 21:02

The plan was set for father's day weekend to come to puerto rico and meet, spent, uh, reunite with my father and and and just see what happens. Uh, I arrive friday night or father's day weekend, um, we embrace, we, I forgive him, we kind, we talk about that and just have a good time, and later on, me and my younger brother go out and we go shoot pool and have some food and we stay out until about 3, 4 in the morning. Then at about 6 o'clock, 7 o'clock in the morning, my sister calls. I'm like yo, get over here, hurry up, get over here. And by the time we get there my dad had passed away. So I get there, friday night, saturday morning he passes away. So this is just. This is a year and a month after losing my wife. Now I reunite with my dad, only to lose him.

Speaker 1: 22:08

And so now I reunite with my dad only to lose him, and so now I'm really like oh yeah, why do you hate me so much? Why is everything being robbed from me as soon as I get a glimmer of happiness?

Speaker 2: 22:22

why are you taking this from me? What am I doing? What is what? Am I such a horrible person that I'm continuously losing people and and and it happened and it kept happening. It was I lost two brothers. I lost the older, I lost one of my brothers that was raised with me with my mom, from my mom, and then the older brother that I reunited with from my dad's side a couple years later.

Speaker 2: 22:53

He he od'd. He had his own demons, he had his own struggles and he od'd um uncle that that played a major role in raising me, passed away. And my aunt, who was a major fit who's like one of away. And my aunt, who was a major, who was like one of the first entrepreneurs that I've ever met, because she was the one who came from Puerto Rico and brought her family here. And she's the first woman I really ever knew that knew had a woman, especially in the 60s and 70s and 80s, that had her own business, had her own properties, bought multiple properties, and to see her and see what she was doing and lose her, it was just like I'm really lost now and I'm like I can't. Everyone that I'm close to is this is leaving, is being taken away. Am I again? I'm like, am I that bad of a person? What am I doing? What am I doing wrong?

Speaker 2: 23:59

and so I just keep, keep, keep, keep on the self I'm. I'm in a self-destructive path, but I'm just basically just doing, hurt myself, not doing anything to anyone else. I'm just drinking and getting high and just not caring about anything. It got to the point where I reunited with an old high school girlfriend who was married and started having an affair with her, and it was just me is now. Now I'm affecting other people and doing stuff, and now I'm like this isn't me. My voice in my head is like what are you doing? In my head is like what are you doing? This isn't your path, you're not supposed to be doing this. And so I'm like I can't do this anymore. I'm basically homeless, not having somewhere steady to stay. And that voice is like this isn't you, this isn't the path for you, this is not the way you're supposed to go. And so I go and seek help. I get into therapy. I start turning my life around.

Speaker 2: 25:13

At this time, my sister and my mother moved back to New York. We get an apartment together with my older brother and we're together as a family, and things are starting to turn around because, like I said, I seek therapy, seek the help that I need, and I get licensed as a security guard in New York and my life starts turning around. A friend of mine convinces me to sign up for Matchcom and she writes the profile for me. She does everything and I meet my wife that I'm with now Nice, everything. And I meet my my wife that I'm with now, nice, and and so I find love again and just and just start turning my and things just start turning around and my life starts getting better.

Speaker 2: 25:58

I moved in with my wife.

Speaker 2: 26:01

I moved from, I moved, actually moved my family from New York to to the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania and and so we move out of the city and we just start like life just starts getting better, like I'm with my beautiful wife.

Speaker 2: 26:20

She gets me back into self-development and working on myself and all these other things. My brother and his wife, they, they actually my brother was a little hesitant to move up here and at first it went, but now him and his wife have a home like he's, he's has a home, he's bought his first home here, and this is a man who also had turned his life around from being a hustler in the streets to going to jail, being on drugs, to now he's a hardworking married man who's purchasing his own home home, and so when doing the stuff that I did to transform my life and and make it better also had an impact, on my family's life because now we bought him, we brought to bring them out here and, like I said, he buys his first home and and he's, he's, he's retired but he still works and he has a home.

Speaker 2: 27:31

This is something that he never thought that he would have. And to help be a part of that and see that transformation, it's like man. It's been night and day from where I was at a few years ago to where I am now, where I've been at the job that I've been for over 10 years now, been married to my wife for the past seven years, and it's been amazing to go through all that darkness and and and arrives where I'm at now, where life is is so much better and and things just keep getting, keep getting better every day.

Speaker 1: 28:15

Yeah, I have a few questions and inquiries about the journey. One how's the relationship with Denise's mother, your mother-in-law?

Speaker 2: 28:32

no, okay yeah, she's not. She's not very. Even when Denise was alive our relationship wasn't good. She was to me. She wasn't a nice person like. She just wasn't a very nice like cause, not cause. Even within the last few years, me and the kids have reunited and my son is now here in Philadelphia, and and she was she just she didn't care more.

Speaker 2: 29:02

She cared more about the money she was receiving for him than for him, and so that that's where she wasn't um understood, yeah, we don't, we don't have to go into that aspect, it's it's nice to hear that you were able to know, connect with the children and build a relationship in there.

Speaker 1: 29:25

And I'm sure you know, like anything, when hindsight is 20, 20, you understand why certain relationships can't be cultivated when you're in a dark space, because the influence that you could have, you know, imparted on them and the impact it's like whoa, I don't even realize because I didn't even know how to love myself in that. So how could I even really, you know, manage my own pain without it spilling and bleeding on to those that I valued you know the most to me? But even how to interact with that pain, because seeing them is a constant reminder of Denise, and it's like whoo, how can I go through those tsunami of waves and feelings, like my nervous system just rang with that, because those that are in that experience can understand it. Other people won't think about that and it's like you have no idea, like as soon as I see them, everything comes back up and it's just like a certain download and, depending where you are in your mental state, sometimes it can be opening, sometimes it doesn't feel too good inside.

Speaker 2: 30:32

And that's why I say she was. She was preparing me because, like I said, she's the one who introduced me to the, to, the, to, to all the books that I would that that kind of one night when I got back, kind of got back into reading. Those are the first few first books that I went back to. Yeah, it was. It was those principles, that kind of I didn't know at the time but was guiding me. Eventually those are the principles that were helping me get through some of the darkest times, and so it was her way of preparing and yeah, have you read?

Speaker 1: 31:11

go ahead, no, go ahead. Have you read the untethered soul? No, well, I highly suggest it. Okay, untethered soul by michael singer. I'll, um, I'll send you, uh, a podcast so you can hear. You know, because his theory is spoken in his language and stuff. So I'll send you a podcast just to see if it resonates. Because that's the thing.

Speaker 1: 31:35

There's all kinds of books and self-help and everything else, but it's the opening of the frequency. Can you receive the language that's being said? Because sometimes you read and you're like this can be in Mandarin, like I'm not understanding how to apply this in my own life, and then other things. It's like that's what you mean, like this is how I can access it and everything else. So, but untethered soul has been very transformative for myself and for others that I know, with being responsible for your mental mindset and your mental fortitude of navigating with life. Another question I have was I understand that the voice was in your head to change the path and this isn't you. How was the work to allow yourself to feel joy again? How is the work to allow yourself to feel joy?

Speaker 2: 32:28

again. Oh man, that's a good question, that's a really good question. Um, um, it was. It was at first. It was hard at first.

Speaker 2: 32:43

It was like when I first started my, my relationship with, with my wife, I was like I felt kind of bad in a way. I was like like I felt like I was kind of cheating and and and and, but. Then a lot of the stuff, I like a lot of the stuff. It was like I said, it was the books that I was reading and, knowing what kind of person she was, that she wouldn't want me to continue to be suffering, like she saw a part of me that I wasn't seeing and for me not to find happiness again. I was doing her injustice. So for me it was like it took some time to to be able to to open up and really embrace the, the new relationship and then embrace that fact that I was able to to to really truly fall in love again.

Speaker 2: 33:56

Because, yeah, yeah, I'm saying I met den Denise when I was 21 years old and I was with her until I was 31.

Speaker 2: 34:06

So that's the first really 10 years of my adult life and to have her influence on me and, like I said, she was such a beautiful person and the way she loved was unconditional, and so to lose that, it was like, okay, I'm never going to love anyone. And that was something I felt for a long time was I'm never going to love anyone because she was such a beautiful person and so. But when I met my wife and um, we started hanging out and then and just going out and doing things and I could see with that we had, so we had a connection. It was just something where all right, this is, this is this is cool, this is this is different. I haven't felt like this in a while. And then it just started growing and growing and to the point where I'm like okay, and to the point where I'm like okay and it's crazy because they're like completely two different people like Denise is this love?

Speaker 2: 35:36

is this fun loving love, just spirit. And my wife has a um, she has this roughness about her, but that's what kind of like draws me to her, that I'm the, I'm the one who, who's able to break that shell in her. And she says it all the time where that shell in her. And she says it all the time where she was, she was like her. She was raised by a dad that was really rough and tough on her and so she's, she's, she's that kind of person. She's in her masculine, but she's such a but. But, like Denise, she cares for people. Even though she might seem like she doesn't, she honestly does care for people and she tries to help people as much as possible. She will bend over backwards for anyone if she sees that they need help, and that's how Denise was. But Denise is this soft, caring, loving, loving person. And then my wife is as hard as rock, but her heart is so pure and she's so honest, she's brutally honest.

Speaker 1: 36:53

Yeah, yeah, glittering yeah.

Speaker 2: 36:57

She is brutally honest. She is brutally honest and that's what I needed with someone like that, where I needed the roughness from her and she needed the loving and the empathy from me and all that. And so it worked. It just worked. The thing that got me that I knew that I loved her was she's like you have a passport and I'm like, no, I don't, I've never had a passport. No, no, she goes. Well, you need to get one because I love to travel, and for her to see us traveling together and traveling to destinations that I've been to. Like she's the one who introduced me to traveling to other countries and all. So she opened a whole different world. But it was that moment that, when she goes well, we're going to correct that we need to get you a passport, because it was like I see us doing this and to have someone like that. It was like all right this is it.

Speaker 2: 38:16

This is who I'm supposed to be with. This is the like.

Speaker 1: 38:20

Yeah, to nurture and care for the painful part in you, the one that's still afraid to allow you know your heart to fully open, to experience life. She gives you that security and safety that you know what I'm here, like I got you and I'm going to show you what's possible. You can open up your you know horizons and expansion. Yet you know to learn to love like. That's the thing. Like when you love a certain way, you think, okay, it's never possible, I'm never going to love again. It's the it's that you're going to love differently. No, you're not going to be able to replicate the same love because that person was unique. So the way that you connected with that person is always going to be unique. Like you know, us parents will say like, oh, we love all our children the same way and they're all. And it's like no, you, you have a different connection with each child and that love is different with each child because they bring out something different than the other personality or the other individual. So it's really learning to not have that all or nothing mentality of black and white and realize there's different ways to love, there's different depths to love. But we think it's just very narrow and it's just like this and that's all, and it's like now. There's so much expansion to it. Yet you have to open yourself up to it and that means you have to be in your vulnerability. That you know.

Speaker 1: 39:53

A lot of people think that love is, you know, just so blissful and everything and it's like. To love means to open yourself up to pain. You really have to open your if you really love. Love means to open yourself up to pain. You really have to open yourself. If you really love, you have to open yourself up to pain and that's debilitating when you've gone through so much grief like you have.

Speaker 2: 40:16

Yeah, because then I like at the time that I got with her with, with josephine, like it was, her father was was at the beginning stages of getting sick and everything and he he really he lost his. It was some rare, rare brain disease that he had and when he passed away this was the first time someone close to her like that had passed, like this. She had never really experienced what I had gone through in life and the loss that I had suffered. So it was, it was important that to me it was like okay, this is why I'm at this point in her life, because she needed me to be her rock and to be there for her. Because, again, this is something she never experienced Losing a loved one, especially her dad. Even though her and her dad had a rough relationship that was her dad, she was still a daddy's girl, exactly.

Speaker 1: 41:24

Love is yeah, Love is love.

Speaker 2: 41:30

So it was to me. It was like. This is why I would. This is one of the reasons that I was brought into her life, because she was going to need someone like me at this point in her life to hold the space for her because you've already had the experience.

Speaker 1: 41:47

So, um, yeah, holding that space, uh, because grief, when people haven't experienced that at a young age and what, the older you get, it can be very debilitating because it's like, what is this thing that is going on? Yet you know, like I, my grandmother passed away when I think I was like 12, 11 or 12, and she was like a mother figure to me. So I've been carrying, you know, deep pain since a young child. So I already knew this space. So when other people were coming in, I was like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, you're fumbling and it's like, but I forgetting that I've already had the experience and I've had to live through this.

Speaker 1: 42:29

And yet when you can hold space and you're like, oh, yeah, it's going to be messy and you have to go through the messiness of what grief is. Yet holding the space of non-judgment, that's the one thing that helps us. Yet also a space of accountability that you know you're still alive and that means that joy can come back in. So you pushing yourself away from joy isn't serving anybody. Like you think you're holding, you know, the memory of somebody where it's like no, if you allow joy back in. You'll be able to feel that person's presence inside you. You'll be able to feel, and really feel, the depths of that presence. Yet it's warrior work to open yourself back up to that and to be in that vulnerable state to open your heart back up.

Speaker 2: 43:19

Of course, definitely back up. Oh yeah, of course, definitely, especially especially for men. It is, it's, it's kind of, and not like how it is like now, like because even when I was growing up, I was like, oh, men, don't cry, men don't show emotions living out, and it's not. It's now. It's now that we're understanding that, yes, men are just like everyone else. We have human beings, happy, we have feelings, we do go through struggles and and and. So now it's it's a different time where we're able to express ourselves, we're able to actually truly be ourselves and express that, yes, we hurt, yes, we cry, yes, we go through struggles. Yes, we, we, we, we want we. Just sometimes we just want to lay down and die when, when we're suffering. And but it was at one point where it was like I was embarrassed to let people know I was in therapy.

Speaker 2: 44:18

Yeah, yeah, and that's why I do this podcast is to remove the stigma around mental health yeah, there's one of the reasons that I do my show, my podcast, is to let people know it's okay, because back in the day probably was like oh, you see a therapist, oh you're crazy or something. Let's just, it would shame you. Yeah, it would be like, oh, why you need, why you need therapy. For what are you crazy or is something wrong? Like no, like you need it, you need to be able to talk to somebody, you need to be able to express yourself.

Speaker 1: 44:53

Let that, let that stuff out like yeah, exactly and you see a different perspective also, because when you are only in a certain space, your perception, it's very difficult to shift it.

Speaker 2: 45:08

you're going to feel like, if I tell this person they're going to judge me, yeah, how are they going to take a look at me?

Speaker 1: 45:24

Whereas now, if you're talking to this therapist or someone and you're telling them they're not there to judge you yeah exactly, and that witnessing is very healing, that I can be this and you're not going to push me away and I'm not going to have the threat of losing you because you don't have the capacity to witness my pain, because those are close to us. You know, like I say to people, you know the thing about parenting that they don't tell you is you're going to have to witness pain and not do anything about it and that helplessness is debilitating. Yeah, yet as a parent, you go through a lot of psychological and emotional pain of having to see your child traverse through life and experiences and see them go through their anguish and try to figure out things for themselves in this world and in their life. So that witnessing the pain, not everybody can do as much as they have the right intention, they just don't have the skills to be able to witness and do deep listening, to really be aware of their judgment mind.

Speaker 1: 46:33

We all have a judgment mind and so it's like you know what it's not allowing it to activate and you know, interfere and have language and that takes a skill to be able to not allow it to hijack the behavior and it's you know everybody has intention, yet it's the intent, like you can be intentional, all you want, yet it's still the action and the intent that people receive.

Speaker 1: 47:01

So sometimes we have to be honest of like I just don't have the space for that. I don't know how to hold the space for you and I want to, yet I'm in fear of how you might perceive that or receive it for yourself and that could do much more damage than trying to open up and everything else so that stranger in a professional manner really just holds that space, so that judgment isn't there. But yet there's some of us that we get a therapist or we get a coach and we still feel the judgment and we are have to be aware of that's our own judgment hitting at us, that we're just perceiving somebody and we're actually being aware of our own judgment yeah, that's given certain personalities.

Speaker 1: 47:46

Yes, you are still seeing it from the therapist and you're seeing their personality, yet it's something I think that you know. Open up the dialogue, that you're going to see your own judgment with some of this stuff, and that's what is like the work and that's that's also stems from us being in our head so much.

Speaker 2: 48:06

Yeah, it's stuck in our mind thinking about and and that was something that that for me, even when I was start, before I was starting my podcast, it was I was in my mind, I was that's why I named it sucking my mind, because I was in my head just making up excuses like no, why should I do this?

Speaker 2: 48:29

Stone wise gonna listen to me, my voice sucks. I saw the horrible like I don't just making up excuses to to not start the podcast, and what I was not realizing was I'm failing. I was failing because just the fact that I didn't attend, like if I was to attempt the pot start the podcast and and I do and I started and it failed, or it was just wasn't. At least I made the effort to start it, but by me not starting and not recording and just making up excuses, it was just I was already defeated. I was already, I had already failed. So when I finally decided to press record and just release it, like didn't have a thought, I just recorded it and released it and it was like this weight was lifted off, like it was just okay, that wasn't so bad, that was the hard part was yeah the first step yeah, and and so once I just got the first step out of the way, I was like, okay, I could do this.

Speaker 2: 49:29

And then, little by little, I just improved on on what I was doing with my podcast and and by eight, by episode eight, I was like, man, I love this, this is something that's really giving me joy, this is something that's giving me purpose. I was 44 years old and didn't know what I wanted out of life. What was my purpose in this life? What was my legacy? What was I leaving behind? What? Like, yes, I got a good paying job, but that's just to pay the bills, it's not. It's not doing anything to fulfill me personally. And so when I started the podcast and I was starting to have these interviews and and people started reacting to the episodes and people sending me messages and and it was like what?

Speaker 2: 50:29

okay, what, what's going on? I did what this episode did. What for you? This one episode, me and a friend from high school, we was talking about um, school setting, manifestation, so many different things and another friend of ours from high school was on the um. She was like on the fence about starting a business and she just heard our conversation and and she heard about what our goal setting and all this other stuff, because he's a highly successful real estate broker in Brooklyn. He's highly successful and she was like these are two guys that I grew up with, two guys that I know personally, personally that I know them first name and they're talking about starting doing, starting a business and and my said and she's like, if they can do this, I can do this. Like yeah.

Speaker 2: 51:32

And she did. She started the business, she started up. She actually finally started her business and sent me a message and say thank you, like I needed to hear that. I needed to to hear two guys that I knew doing something positive with their lives and that inspired me to go start my business, thank you. And I was like blown away. I was like, yes, this is this is what I'm supposed to be doing. This is this is my purpose is to be able to impact people's lives, is to be able to show people that, hey, regardless of what you've been through in life, there's light. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Speaker 1: 52:14

Yeah, exactly, Can you? Um, cause I'm I'm mindful of time now. Because I'm mindful of time now, I'm going to ask you one reflective question and I would also like actually no, I'm just going to, I'm going to ask you the reflective question, so I'm going to ask you to go back to your 18-year-old self, and you have three words to tell your 18-year-old self to carry you through the journey to right now. What would those words be?

Speaker 2: 52:45

Three words yeah, Love growth and knowledge.

Speaker 1: 52:53

Love, growth and knowledge, and I think that's what has been carrying you through to right now. I do have another question for you. What is a question that you wish people would ask you?

Speaker 2: 53:11

That's in general Like anyone, don't overanalyze it. But that's a good question.

Speaker 1: 53:20

I know there's no wrong answer yeah, whatever intuition, whatever intuitively comes up for you. So I'll ask it again how am I doing? Okay, okay, and do people genuinely ask because they really want to know yeah, and how are you doing?

Speaker 2: 53:41

I'm doing wonderful, right, it's. It's, uh, it's life, right, we, we go through life. We still have, uh, was my life perfect? No, um, but I'm definitely in a much better place. Um, I'm surrounded by people that love me. I, I've made new enough, I make doing this, I meet some amazing people and, to the fact, to the fact now that some of these people have become real good friends of these people are become real good friends, and so the relationships I've been able to build from this are amazing. Is you, you get to meet some of the most fascinating people that, um, I would have never been able to meet. Had I not taken this path, like this bond, this relationship wouldn't have never happened. This, this connection between you and me, and how we connected, it wouldn't have happened.

Speaker 1: 54:44

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 54:46

And so I appreciate every moment that I'm alive right now. Beautiful. And everything that I get to do.

Speaker 1: 54:53

Yeah, you've really done the alchemy in your life. You've taken those impurities and turned them into gold and not only kept it for yourself, you're sharing it with others. So thank you for doing that alchemy it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

Speaker 2: 55:10

To me is that's all that's. That's. That's one thing that um pride myself on is being able to share, even with fellow podcasters, like some of my friends. Whenever I find a new program or a new device or something, I always reach out to them and be like hey, listen, try this with your podcast, help you, try this with whatever you're doing, because I want everyone to that I, I'm around to succeed. I want everyone to be successful, and so I, I, I, me, I'm a, I'm a cheerleader.

Speaker 1: 55:53

Yeah, I am also. I empower people. I really do. Now, on that note, I know there's many listeners that want to know where they can find you and also let them know what you have to offer for people.

Speaker 2: 56:10

Oh, man, you can find my podcast, stuck in my Mind podcast on all major platforms. You can find us on YouTube at StuckInMyMindPodcast. You can find me on Instagram at WiseElJefe. I'm on LinkedIn, you can find me under Will Wise Otero and check out the website wwwstuckinmymindpodcastcom. Yeah, I just, I'm just. Oh, I also edit and produce podcasts for if people are interested in in that kind of service, and I'm and produce podcasts for if people were interested in in in in that kind of service. And uh, I'm lean, I'm working on uh, I was certified as a life coach recently. Uh, and I'm working, maybe debating, and I haven't decided yet about going into coaching, but for right now, I'm offering people who are seeking, uh, people who are seeking to start their own podcast, so I'm looking to help people do what I do and avoid the pitfalls that I had to go through when I started podcasting.

Speaker 1: 57:34

I love it, and all of Will's information will be in the show notes so it will be clickable. Because if you know one thing about me, I want to connect people and in this day of age you know we don't have any excuse. So if at any time in this podcast there was a nudge that you want to know more about him, don't hesitate, just click, reach out to him. You can see he's a very open individual, loves conversating, so any questions or things that you want to ask him he's open. So don't you know, listen to the part that wants to hesitate you from growth. Actually take that leap and face that fear and go beyond it to see what is possible on the other side of that wall that may be keeping you prisoner.

Speaker 1: 58:23

I want to thank you deeply for sharing yourself with the listeners and myself and, like I said, the alchemy work that you're doing in your life. It really is inspiring. I'm moved by this interaction. I didn't know a lot of the depths of your story because I was speaking about my story on your podcast, so that's the thing about being guests and hosts. So I really want to thank you for sharing that vulnerability and empowering the listeners. I just want to ask you is there something that you want to leave with the listeners?

Speaker 2: 59:03

Oh man, just just enjoy your life. Enjoy it all the good, the bad, the ugly. Just embrace it all. All of it is. It's a part of your mission and your journey and what you're supposed to experience in this world. Just embrace it like it's part of who you are. Someone asked me one day was would I change anything that happened in my life? And my answer to them surprised them. My answer to them was no. I said I wouldn't wish it upon anyone else. I wouldn't want anyone to go through what I went through. But no, I wouldn't change it, because it made me who I am. It made me who you see in front of you and who I continue to be. And I'm still growing and developing. But I wouldn't change it. It was just my path to take and so was it easy. Sometimes, no, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Speaker 1: 1:00:25

Beautiful. Well, thank you so much for being on the Lift One Self podcast and I hope you'll come back again later on on another date, so that we can, you know, catch up and see what else has gone on in your world.

Speaker 2: 1:00:42

I would love to come back anytime. You know, as you are aware, you have an open door to my podcast as well. We had a great conversation. It's out on YouTube right now and as soon as I release it on the audio podcast, I'll share it with you and let you share with your audience.

Speaker 1: 1:01:03

Because y'all need to check it out.

Speaker 2: 1:01:05

She did a great job. It was a great interview.

Speaker 1: 1:01:08

Thank you, thank you. Well, I had a great host to lead it, so that's why Thank you, thank you. So thank you for being here, and please remember to be kind to yourself.

Speaker 2: 1:01:20

I will.

Speaker 1: 1:01:22

Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time. If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. Action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation. So please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on Facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery, call liftoneselfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.