Navigating Life's Challenges with your 'GIRL SQUAD'

What if the bonds we form in our youth could guide us through some of life's most challenging transitions? Join us on the Lift One Self podcast as we explore this fascinating idea with our incredible guests, Chantel Thomas, Danielle Brooks, and Tanya Winchester. Chantel, lovingly dubbed "the gatherer," shares the story of their lifelong friendship that has provided strength and resilience through middle school, college, and beyond. Danielle discusses her journey of self-discovery as an empty nester and newly divorced woman, while Tanya offers her invaluable insights from her caregiving experience, underscoring the necessity of self-care.

Transforming personal video transcriptions into a self-published book is no small feat, but these women have done just that. Chantel's ability to foster a space where vulnerability is not only welcomed but celebrated, plays a crucial role in their collaborative project. They bravely tackle topics like body image and significant life changes, with Tanya’s “Play Big” chapter urging us all to step beyond our comfort zones. Their shared stories and collective support weave a rich tapestry that showcases the powerful synergy of enduring girlfriend relationships.

Finally, our guests share the wisdom they would pass on to their 18-year-old selves in just three words, offering a poignant and reflective conclusion to our conversation. They emphasize the importance of friendship, dreaming, seeking, and authenticity as cornerstones of a fulfilling life. As we close, learn how to connect with Chantel, Danielle, and Tanya, and find out where to get their book "40 Day Reset." Don't miss this heartwarming and thought-provoking episode, and remember to be kind and gentle with yourself as you reflect on their raw and honest stories.

Find the book here :
https://www.40dayresetbook.com/

Chapters

• 0:00 Connecting Through the 40 Day Reset
• 11:05 Building Strong Girlfriend Relationships
• 26:56 Words of Wisdom From 18-Year-Old Self
• 34:00 Spread the Podcast Love

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself.

Speaker 2: 0:42

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and today we are delighted with not just one guest, not just two, yet we have a panel of three beautiful ladies that are coming to bring you guys some wisdom and some delight and to talk about how it is to keep connected with your girlfriends. So, without any ado, could you guys please introduce yourself? I don't know who wants to go first, yet I will leave that to you guys to figure out. So whoever will start gracing and introduce please?

Speaker 3: 1:19

Thank you, nat, for inviting us in. I'm Chantel Thomas. I'm coming to you from Durham, north Carolina, and I am, I think I say the cog in the wheel because I'm the one that connects all of us. It's two of us along with me today, so Danielle and Tanya, but there are 11 of us in all who contributed to the book. But just know that our love effort is the thing that is right now, you know, the center of our connectedness. But we are connected in ways that are way beyond like dating all the way back to middle school for some, and for others college and work.

Speaker 2: 2:11

Danielle, would you be able to introduce yourself a bit?

Speaker 4: 2:14

Sure, thank you, nat, and my name is Danielle Brooks. I am coming to you, live from Northern Virginia, I work in D, so I'm a DMV girly and I am currently enjoying my empty nest. I call myself a bird watcher, as I see my two young adult daughters flourishing out in the world. I am what I still consider newly divorced, so I am a woman over 50 that is rediscovering the girl in me and just rediscovering myself and the things that bring me pleasure through work. I am a human resources officer for a nationwide nonprofit funder and I love all things reading, writing and anything that has to do with. I'm a word nerd, so I enjoyed that as well.

Speaker 4: 3:11

As I'm kind of a live event person, I enjoy going to live music events, comedy shows, as well as spending time in nature, and I'm very excited to be a part of this podcast today.

Speaker 2: 3:25

Thank you for being here Now. Last but not least, tanya, can you please introduce yourself?

Speaker 3: 3:32

Yes, thank you, natnet. I am Tanya Winchester. I am in Durham, north Carolina, with Chantel, not too far away. I am a wife, a mother, an encourager. I'm also a life coach and I am someone that has been a caregiver to ill people, and some of them are still with us and some are not, but I learned very quickly that I needed to be cared for as well. So I am now spending my time just taking care of me as priority number one and it's really exciting. Chantel and I will talk about how we're connected later, but through her I've been connected to this group of women now for about four years, going on five. It's been a wonderful experience. They accept me for who I am. I am a book nerd. I probably ask a lot of questions, things I don't know. Even if the question seems dumb, I'll ask it anyway.

Speaker 2: 4:44

And they accept me and they answer my questions and give me what I need so I can move on, and I'm appreciative to them for that yeah, what a beautiful, safe space to be in when we can be ourselves and, you know, find that safety and being curious and asking questions and not feeling shunned because of it. Uh, absolutely, asking questions and not feeling shunned because of it. There's so many point offs. I would like to ask questions, yet I understand that we are here for the book, which is so much that I'm like, oh, I want to go into this and I want to go into that, yet we will be on the thing that connected you guys and that is the book.

Speaker 2: 5:26

Before we get to that, would you guys join me in a mindful moment and a meditation to ground ourselves in our breath? Yes, absolutely okay. And for the listeners as you always hear, most listen to a podcast while driving. So when I ask all of us to close our eyes, please don't people Yet the other prompts you're able to follow through and please take this mindful moment for yourself. So, ladies, I'll ask you to get comfortable in your seat and when you're ready, you're going to gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your awareness through your nose.

Speaker 2: 6:10

You're not going to try and control your breath. You're just going to let the awareness watch the rhythm of it, allowing it to bring you in your body. There may be some sensations or feelings coming up, and it's okay, let them come up.

Speaker 1: 6:29

You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go.

Speaker 2: 6:34

Surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be, be with your breath.

Speaker 2: 6:51

Drop deeper into your body. By now, there may be some thoughts or to-do lists that have popped up in your mind. That's okay. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath, creating space between the awareness and the thoughts and going deeper into the body, just watching the rhythm of your breath. Again, more thoughts may have popped up, and it's okay. Bring your awareness back to your breath, beginning again and going deeper into your body, creating more space between the awareness and the thoughts and just being now, while still staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to gently open your eyes while staying with your breath now. I usually ask this question to each person, so I'm going to start first with danielle how's your heart doing?

Speaker 4: 8:01

oh, my heart is open and relaxed.

Speaker 2: 8:06

Tanya how's your heart doing my heart?

Speaker 3: 8:11

is open and in hopeful expectation.

Speaker 2: 8:17

And last but not least, Chantel, how is your heart doing? Calm and centered ladies, the reason why we're here is about this wonderful book that I didn't even realize. 11 women were computers too, so just to get three women together, I'm like wow, but 11 to be able to organize and not have anybody try to control or dominate. So tell us I don't know who wants to if it's going to be Chantal, yeah, tell us about the book, the title and a little bit about what caused you to create this book.

Speaker 3: 8:59

The book is entitled 40 Day Reset and it was inspired by my own journey during Lent in 2023. And I wanted to focus and use the 40 days the general 40 days of Lent as almost like an umbrella for me to open up and be better. But, as I often do, I drag my friends along and a lot of times they say yes to the things I drag them into, and so, for me, I started with them and said, hey, I just want to, over the course of the next 40 days, open up my phone camera and just record what's on my heart. I just want to say something and I want to share it with our friend group. That's it. So we were our audience and over the course of the time, I just would open up my camera and just talk about probably no more than one minute or so, just whatever was on my heart, whatever I was thinking about, what I was drawn to that particular day. And by the time I got to the 10th day, I was like y'all, I need help, which is general for me like I need some help. And so I was like I don't even know how I'm going to do 40 whole days of this, like getting the camera, just the camera on the phone, set up, figured out, like what am I going to say? Like all of that, even though we were our own audience and we're not judging each other. It was just us just living and living with each other as we normally do.

Speaker 3: 10:42

And so it was that and it started, and the videos started coming in and we began to just share in that way we always share. We stay connected through text. We all live in different cities, but we normally stay connected through text, and we were just using the technology to lift each other up during this 40 days. And then, when it was all over, I actually had the videos transcribed and came to them and said, y'all, I think we got a book. And I said what if everybody go and look at the transcribed? You know I uploaded it to Google, look at it, look what it says, you know like, look and see. Can you in agreement? You think this could be a book. And they said yes, and voila, here we are. I think they probably said yes, in December, maybe of 2023. And we released it on maybe of 2023.

Speaker 2: 11:48

And we released it on Good Friday of 2024. Oh, wow, beautiful. Yeah, and that's really quick to bring out a book.

Speaker 3: 11:56

We self-published. I should say that it's a self-published, and so the you know, technology has done so much for us in the world and this is one of them, right, so it was we literally nimble enough and you know enough agreement and working together through technology and we transcribed each of the videos and we uploaded that and, yeah, each person just edited, edited and yeah, we did the book. I couldn't believe it myself.

Speaker 2: 12:28

Congratulations Even for self-publishing, just to get organized. Also, a lot of times, with writers and somebody that's going to present something and this was very intimate personal thoughts and experiences to bring that out into the world, there's a part of a sabotage inside of us that's like whoa, can we, you know, expose this to other people or can there be anything? Did any of you experience that kind of inner critic or that inner sabotage that wants to protect you from revealing that vulnerability?

Speaker 4: 13:04

No, Okay, I would say no, but I also want to add, you know, chantel, I call her the gatherer and she's the gatherer, but she is also an excellent project manager and I think she has established such a safe space. There's a deep level of trust. So, even though there was, you know, this vulnerability in a way that we were initially sharing within our group, her character and who she is, I think, created her character and who she is, I think, created just that space for us to jump with her. It wasn't a thought, you know, there was no fear or room for me, I'll say, to be concerned. I've really had full faith and trust in her vision and, again, her character to to see it amazing, amazing.

Speaker 2: 14:06

but I love when the synergy amongst women and how there's a guidance within and that it's like just growing, and the way that you guys connect and you talk openly and you're feeding off of each other, I can just imagine, with the other dynamic of the ladies, how palpable that is. What could we find in this book and why is it something that's so important for people to dive into?

Speaker 3: 14:36

I will say that you will find good topics that are broad. It's a broad range of topics. Danielle actually has three chapters in the book and Tanya has one that's called Play Big, and I think it runs the gamut like Play Big, all the way to. One of our contributors talks about remembering. Like how do you remember the good times? Like so we we it. It vacillates. So Danielle has a chapter that talks about body image. Like it's, like it's all, like you find it all in there. But I'm going to kick it to Tanya, cause I you know her. Her play big chapter, I think, is a one that she actually did.

Speaker 3: 15:24

I think all of us kind of talk about how we felt about writing it, but hers is kind of interesting because she just went out there and said this is what I'm doing in this chapter. I did and, and so I was going to say that my chapter, playing big, was all about me coming out of myself, getting out of my head, getting out of my own way to really experience what I knew I needed to experience to continue to grow. We get one life and so when you look at this book, there's something in there, in my opinion, for everyone. And so playing big for me was just all about doing things that I'm uncomfortable with. So when Chantel says, make a video, I went through all the things. Oh my gosh, my hair. What will I do with my hair? She wants me on video. I don't look good on video. Oh my gosh, I got to get a ring light, I mean.

Speaker 3: 16:26

I went through all of the things, all of the feelings, but I never felt like I can't do it. That actually never occurred to me, because with Chantel, I call her the connector, the gatherer. She's the one that pulls us all together and very seldom, nat, nat, do we say no to Chantel. We may redirect some of her ideas, but we often say yes to her because her ideas are so well thought of and or well thought out, and it's always to be helpful to others. So, or just to have fun, she can call us and be like let's go to this concert and we're whoever can go can go, and those that can't have definite FOMO because they can't go.

Speaker 3: 17:17

But for me it was all about stepping out and doing something different and I was excited to do that. So in my chapter, when she said, oh, here's, here's, you know what you said in the video transcribed, I happily sat down and wrote and then I sent it to her and I said, do you need me to write more? I can write more because it was so important to me to stop hiding, it was so important to me to come out, let people know who I am, and that I was ready for that moment, and I think a lot of us. We were just ready to be called. Out is what I call it.

Speaker 2: 18:08

I want to ask each of you what is, what do you think creates a good foundation of a girlfriend relationship, like to really hold on to strong bonds? What do you think are the ingredients or the elements that will create those strong connections, that, even if there's distance and there's time that you haven't spoken, that when you connect with each other it's like time hasn't passed, and that there's that openness and being able to share Whoever wants to first.

Speaker 3: 18:33

I'm going to pick on Danielle. She's further away.

Speaker 4: 18:37

I'll jump out and say the first. Like two words come to mind for me. One is acceptance. You know accepting one another.

Speaker 4: 18:45

Again, chantel is a person that does not meet many strangers I don't think any strangers and so, as she alluded to at the top, you know this is she's the core and many of us only know each other through her.

Speaker 4: 19:03

Some of us had opportunities to meet I went to college with Chantel so there's this level of just acceptance that, again through her as a trustworthy person, we're accepting this group. We're accepting that she's vetted, kind of the temperature of what we're about in terms of basic core values, but also a recognition that we all have we've come from different walks of life, that we are moving along. You know a trajectory in life and have different availability at different times, and so I think we flex with one another. We stay connected on a chat group that again ranges from very serious topics to nonsense, when you need to laugh, but nobody is offended if, hey, nobody chimed in when I put something Like we're just, we know we have things going on, and so that acceptance and that flexibility, you know to just bend when someone might need a little bit more, or you know, yeah, we might experience FOMO, but recognizing that there are also different levels of connection that might warrant, you know, some different engagement.

Speaker 4: 20:22

that doesn't include everybody all the time and that's okay.

Speaker 3: 20:27

Yeah, I think Danielle she's got it, because I think that level requires all of us to be, let's see, very transparent. I think I just so all of us are. Really we embrace the idea of being vulnerable. So when Tanya talked in the beginning about like being able to say to the group, like what is that Like? And everybody just like yeah, that's so-and-so-and-so. That means that we are all just welcoming of everybody's different levels of knowledge of things, different understanding of things and different spaces that we are in our life. So we often in our chat group, one of the things that we talk about constantly is menopause. We're all going through it, we talk about menopause and so we're all experiencing it differently. But like we have like good topics up in there about menopause helping people find doctors, like everything yeah, and that perimenopausal I I'm in menopause well, not anymore because I had a period.

Speaker 3: 21:45

So once you have a period, it starts all over. It's over, yeah that makes.

Speaker 2: 21:52

But yeah, um, yeah, I love it. I love that and it's you come to see the dynamic that everybody experiences it a little bit differently too. It's not all the same experience. There's some similarities. Yet when I try, when you know some of my friends, they have the hot flashes and they're like I need AC on 24, seven and I'm like I don't have that, like, put me in the heat, I want heat. Everybody has a different experience with it, but it's nice to have that safe space again to open up and not feel like, oh, is it just me that there's people and more engaged to help you find the resources, to find a balance in that and to keep your mindset balanced when all the hormones are fluctuating and the tempers might be diminishing, might be diminishing. We can answer that question again about the relationships and what you think really holds a proper foundation.

Speaker 3: 22:56

So I was going to say trust and the non-competitiveness. I don't feel the need to compete with any women in the group and they don't feel the need to compete with any women in the group and they don't feel the need to compete. And I think in the world women are often competing and we're stepping on each other to get to that next level and that's just not how this group is. And I accredit that to Chantel being the connector, because she's not that way. We're not that way. She didn't. When she brought us together she never said now we're not that way. She didn't. When she brought us together, she never said now we're not going to compete with one another. She never had to say that because she doesn't compete with us in our individual connections with her. And so, like Danielle said, right away, we had the trust in the group and even though I will, I will.

Speaker 3: 23:45

Danielle and I are both coaches, so I will text Danielle about a book or or something that I think is really interesting and get her take on it, but I might not text any of the other women in the group individually. Right, there might be a handful that I that I have a closer relationship with, but I know it doesn't matter if I've never texted Sheila. If I call Sheila, if I text her, I know she's going to answer the phone when I call and she's going to respond to my text. I have no doubt about that because of the group and how it's set up, and it's the same for me.

Speaker 2: 24:23

I don't care that none of them may call me, but when they do, I'm there for them yeah, yeah, you're making me want to be in this group that you guys have and it's it's a really great village, like more beyond community. It's a village of you know, a circle, and no matter what, this circle is going to stay a circle. We're not going to break out of the circle and we're going to lean in even stronger when you know the winds or when tempers may flare or when there's misunderstanding or life experiences. It sounds like if any of you guys go through some like Danielle you just mentioned that you're recently divorced it sounds like these women may have ushered to you to hold a space to process that grief and to be able to experience the new parts of you and encourage that, yet also hold space for the grieving parts of you that you have to grieve, and so having a tight-knit circle of women with wisdom and maturity, I think that's the big thing with women, sometimes.

Speaker 2: 25:31

Not that competition, it's that maturity that I don't have to be in competition with myself, so then I can hold space of nurturing and really see how we can move along together, that we don't have to listen to that indoctrination that's been placed that we're all divided and conquer and be individualistic. We actually can really bond around each other and see that we can grow together. And it's like a beautiful, palpable thing. Um, and like, like I said, I want to be a part of this group because these guys, chantal has really created something beautifully and it's, it's beautiful to hear, cause you don't, you know, in the world of social media and where people are more cat calling and saying the negative thing, tearing each other down, and you know that's, you know it's the easiest thing with the nervous system, negativity to really stand the empowerment and how we can grow in that empowerment and have, like you said, danielle, at that acceptance.

Speaker 2: 26:35

And then tana, you trust, and then chantal is, like you said, the connector and I I think that what I'm reading is chantal sees the good in everybody and that they may not even see about themselves and she highlights that in them so that they can receive it and move in confidence and grow in that you know circle. I'm mindful of time, so I'm just going to bring you guys into a reflective question, and so, each of you, I'm going to ask you to bring your awareness back to your 18 year old self and three words to tell your 18 year old self to carry you to the journey of right now. What would those words be? What?

Speaker 3: 27:27

would those words be Shut up? Wow, okay, okay. So I have to tell you, natalie, I just celebrated a birthday, and every time when it's birthday time in our group of friends, I ask them what do you know for sure? So you got an opportunity to take another whirl around the sun. What do you know for sure? So you got an opportunity to take another whirl around the sun? What do you know for sure? And so I've been thinking about mine. I haven't told my friends yet, but I've been thinking about mine, so I'm going to cheat a little bit. Sorry, y'all. So what? Friendship is my number one word? I would tell my 18 year old self, because it's that that has brought me here Friendship. I would tell her. I would tell her that this, can I say, this too shall pass. I don't know, like I know you said one word, but this too shall pass. And I would also tell her to look back with love. So those are my two.

Speaker 2: 28:40

Beautiful Tanya.

Speaker 3: 28:46

Gosh, 18,. I would tell her to dream, never stop dreaming. I would tell her to seek, always be in search of what's next and anticipation of what's next, and I would tell her to never lose hope.

Speaker 1: 29:14

Beautiful and Danielle.

Speaker 4: 29:18

My 18-year-old self. First I would tell her you are lovable, you are lovable, you are lovable. The second word would be embrace authenticity. You know the world needs what you have and don't try to change. Just embrace your authenticity. And thirdly, it's all worth it.

Speaker 2: 29:51

I love it. I love it Okay. So I know many of the listeners are like okay, we know these ladies. Now, where can we find this book and where can we connect with these ladies, if you guys have any? You mentioned, tanya and Chantal, that you're coaches. Danielle, I don't know if you offer services also or you have your own personal thing or it's just with the book. Yet if you guys can each let people know where they can find you and connect with you and again, where they can find the book, so I will start.

Speaker 3: 30:29

I'll answer that question. They can find the book at 40dayresetbookcom and when they get there they'll have an opportunity to meet all of us, because there is a wonderful video on there to introduce each of the 11 women there, to introduce each of the 11 women. So, Chantel, are you going to tell them how to connect with you? Oh, that's it the book. Just go there.

Speaker 3: 30:59

Everything is there 40dayreceptbookcom, so you'll find everything there, the social and everything Good. So you can find me on linkedin. I'm always happy to connect there. And then, um, if you'd like to experience coaching or have questions about coaching, you can certainly reach out to me at tanya winchestercom okay, same for me.

Speaker 4: 31:25

You can find me on linkedin um. I'm there, I have a little fun on instagram. So I am just danielle brooks, underscore 1913 on instagram, um, but coaching services through linkedin okay, and I'll be sure to have this all on the show notes.

Speaker 2: 31:44

So we're in the age of technology, so people like to just have that hyperlink and click and you know any listener. At any time there was any kind of tug or inclination or curiosity follow through, your limbic system signaled you that something was an opening. So just click and get the book, get the book. I'm going to be getting the book because you already hear that it's relatable. It's something that isn't just theory. It's something that they worked through, revealing the day-to-day and what they've experienced. So you want this kind of raw, honest, relatable book. So please go check it out, click and also review With publishers. You want to get those reviews so that you can get recognized, so other people can see that you know it's there and it's accessible. And you know, let's be honest, we all want to see a review to see what other people's perceptions or experience was with the book. So you know, leave those reviews, because they are like gold for publishers and artists and everything else.

Speaker 2: 33:03

I want to thank all of you ladies. I would love to have these guys back, cause I think we could go into a deeper dive in other topics Yet I really want to thank you for offering the most valuable thing you have, which is your time, and time is a tool, not a toy. So I thank you for coming on the podcast and sharing this wonderful baby that you guys have all nurtured and brought forth into the world to share. You've used that alchemy of taking those impurities and turning them into gold. Yet not just keeping that goal for yourself, you're sharing it with other people. So thank you for all that you're bringing forth in the world and for taking care of yourself. So thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you. Please remember to be kind to yourself, hey you made it all the way here.

Speaker 1: 33:57

I appreciate you and your time. If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation, so please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on Facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery call LiftOneSelfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.