From Guilt to Growth Embracing Parental Resilience

Imagine navigating the stormy seas of parenting while battling the undercurrents of chronic illness and deep-seated trauma. That's the reality I've faced, and on this episode of the Lift One Self podcast, I invite you to join me, Nat Nat, as I open up about raising twins amidst the challenges of brain lesions, chronic fatigue, and the echoes of my childhood. Learn how meditation and mindfulness have been lifelines in maintaining my physical energy and emotional well-being, and discover the liberating power of surrender and acceptance in transforming guilt and grief into pathways of growth. Together, we'll explore how these experiences can be profound teachers, leading us to heal and break generational cycles.

As we continue, I'll share a treasure trove of resources designed to support parents juggling chronic conditions. From the pause practice guide to the timeline healing worksheet and energy management toolkit, these tools are crafted to guide you with compassion through the intricate dance of healing and parenting. The journey is cyclical, and embracing each phase with kindness is key. I encourage you to connect with our ever-growing community on social media, and for those seeking more personalized guidance, I'm here for discovery calls through our website. Let's walk this path together, nurturing resilience and connection every step of the way.

Exclusive Offer for Listeners:

Boost your mental clarity with Magic Mind! Use code LIFTONESELF20 for a special discount at www.magicmind.com/liftoneself.

Chapters

• 0:00 Healing Trauma and Parenting Challenges
• 16:39 Healing and Parenting Support Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Hey, beautiful souls, it's Nat Nat here. You know, what made me laugh this morning is looking at the 14-year-old twins both roll their eyes at me in synchronization.

Speaker 1: 0:50

10 years ago, I could have never imagined this moment. I was too busy trying to keep up with two preschoolers bouncing off the walls while battling with brain lesions and chronic fatigue and pain. Talk about a crash course in feeling your feelings. Let me paint you a picture. There I was, a mom to twins dealing with overwhelming fatigue, chronic pain and health challenges, watching these two incredibly active, curious little beings who needed well everything. And there I was, some days barely able to lift my head. You know what's been transformative in this journey for me? One of the tools that I use is finding magic mind. I actually discovered it during one of those mornings when my twins were bouncing off the walls and my brain felt like it was swimming through fog. As someone dealing with chronic fatigue and brain lesions, I needed something that could support my energy without those awful crashes we get from energy drinks. What I love about Magic Mind is how it helps me stay present with my children, especially during those moments when both twins need me at once, like this morning, and I had to tell them whoa, I'm feeling overwhelmed. Let me take a moment, like this morning, when one wanted me to complete a form, the other one is bombarding me with questions about homework and that mental clarity. It's everything. It's become such a natural part of my morning rhythm, right there with meditation, and for anyone in our community dealing with similar challenges, whether it's chronic health issues or just the beautiful chaos of parenting, I want you to know about it. You can find Magic Mind at wwwmagicmindcom.

Speaker 1: 2:57

Forward. Slash, lift oneself. That's M-A-G-I-C-M-I-N-D dot C-O-M. Forward slash l-i-f-t-o-n-e-s-e-l-f and use the discount code lift oneself 20. That's l-i-f-t-o-n-e-s-e-l-f 20 to get that special discount. My community, my Lift One Selfers, means everything to me and I only share what truly works in my own life. Speaking on what works.

Speaker 1: 3:33

It was during those early challenging days that I realized how much my own childhood trauma was affecting my parenting. And even with the tools like Magic Mind helping my physical energy and the power of meditation and mindfulness, I discovered I needed to feel. You see, when you're parenting with chronic illness, especially parenting twins, there's this added layer of complexity to breaking generational cycles, because not only are you dealing with your past trauma, you're also navigating this deep sense of guilt about your limitations. You see, you're also with chronic illness, going through grief and at times you're attacking yourself of what you once could do, yet you're not able to do right now. Anyone else been there when you're lying on the floor trying to engage with your children while your body is screaming for rest? Yet here's the plot twist those very challenges, the ones that felt like they were breaking me. They became my greatest teacher. The twins, with their endless energy and perfectly mirrored meltdowns, became my most powerful catalyst for healing. They pulled me into feeling authentically, which was messy. I really got to understand how to embody the word surrender and acceptance. How to embody the word surrender and acceptance. We tend to have this definition of what it looks like and how to apply it while still being performative and perfect. Yet in the actuality, embodying this is messy. Before we dive deeper, let's ground ourselves together. I started doing this practice when my twins were five, right on the living room couch, amongst the chaos and noise, where I discovered more intimately the nervous system and emotions.

Speaker 1: 5:38

Take whatever position works for your body right now. If you're like I often was, maybe you're lying on the floor because sitting up takes too much energy. That's perfect, if it's safe to do so. Gently close your eyes, breathe in deeply and imagine you're gathering all the scattered pieces of your energy as you exhale. Feel yourself melting into whatever's supporting you. Now bring your awareness to watching your breath and noticing the weight of your body. Notice where you're holding tension. Continue staying with your breath. Maybe from catching toddlers all day. There's some tension in your lower back. Maybe holding backwards from your teenager. There's some tension in your chest, or in your neck or shoulders. Wherever that tension is, meet it and unclench and unknot, anchoring deeper into the breath and dropping deeper into your body, allowing yourself to just be. Continue staying with your breath.

Speaker 1: 7:05

Now picture yourself at every stage of your parenting journey the new parent. You were the best they could with what they had, release the need that it should have been better. Be in, appreciating the being that you are now, take a deep breath in and, as you slowly exhale, tell yourself. My challenges are my teachers. My awareness is breaking cycles, doing another body scan of any tension and unknot and unclench and be with your breath dropping deeper into your body. Continue being with your breath Now, at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to slowly open your eyes while staying with your breath.

Speaker 1: 8:30

You know what's interesting about parenting teens. The challenges might look different from the toddler years, yet that need to stay grounded and present. That never changes. You know the days where everybody needs your attention all at once, or they're all lining up Meanwhile you have your own needs to get to. In those moments, staying present feels like a superpower, doesn't it? When you're feeling like overwhelmed. And when is it going to get to me? Yet your role of a parent is needed. Is it going to get to me? Yet your role of a parent is needed? You know, what made me laugh the other day is my twins were telling me how they used to play. Tire out mama. They used to do a whole strategy of. Let's make it difficult for certain situations, because you know what it'll tire her out.

Speaker 1: 9:21

Looking back now, those exhausting moments were actually gifts, when I physically couldn't keep up, couldn't control everything, couldn't be that perfect parent. That's when real healing began, especially when I didn't allow myself to run away because I had to feel it all the hopelessness, the frustration, the fear. That's when the magic started happening for me. Let me share a recent pattern I caught myself in Last week.

Speaker 1: 9:57

One of my teens was supposed to do the dishes, the regular chore. You know how it goes sink, full, crusty dishes. Just sitting there and the sound of gaming floating up from the basement. That familiar hot feeling started creeping up my neck, my jaw getting tight, and suddenly I'm at 14 again, hearing my uncle's footsteps on the stairs, that mixture of dread and defiance. I was halfway to explosion mode, literally on the stairs, that voice in my head screaming why do I have to ask a hundred times? Why am I being disrespected in my own house? I'm going to be real with you. I was about two seconds away from doing that thing. You know the one where we storm down there. Turn off the game mid-level, because dishes are more important than games. Yet something made me pause. Maybe it was the sound of my feet on those stairs, so similar to the sound that used to fill me with anxiety as a kid. I was about to recreate the same exact moment of shame and power struggles that I swore I'd never put my kids through.

Speaker 1: 11:15

That's when I used what I call the pause practice, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty or perfect. Now, what's pause you're saying? Let me show you. P is for pause and breathe. I had to literally sit my butt down on those stairs and remind myself to breathe. A acknowledge what was happening, real talk.

Speaker 1: 11:45

I was feeling unseen, unheard and disrespected over dishes, feeling like a failed parent. The? U understand it's a pattern. Oh, look, here's me turning dishes into a control battle, just like my uncle did S? Sense. What's your body telling you? My heart was racing, hands shaky, that familiar about to lose it, feeling like I want to jump out of my skin. The? E was engage with intention. I had to ask myself what do I really want here, clean dishes or connection? So yeah, I accessed this. Yet it's been a lot of practice for me to be able to do this pause practice with myself. So, after doing this pause.

Speaker 1: 12:39

Instead of bringing my childhood trauma down those stairs, I pulled out my phone and texted hey, the dishes aren't done. When will you do them? They text back almost immediately. Sorry, I forgot. I'm in a level Give me 10 minutes. Now inside me, I want to text back. You know, you've already told me that.

Speaker 1: 12:58

Yet I honored their words and allowed curiosity to see will the story unfold differently than the narration that's going on in my mind? And y'all want to know the miracle. They actually came up in 10 minutes. No drama, no door slamming, just walked up, started doing the dishes and started telling me about this impossible level they were trying to beat. We somehow ended up having this amazing conversation about how to balance gaming time with responsibilities, a conversation I never got to have as a teen because chores were always this battleground of authority. And here's the real gift we're always this battleground of authority, kid. Here's the real gift. And it hit me right in the feels. They said Mom, thanks for not yelling. It makes it easier to be honest with you. Let that sink in for a minute. One small choice to pause instead of explode, and my child felt safe enough to be honest with me, be honest of letting me know how they feel from my actions. That's how we break cycles Not in the perfect parenting moments, yet in those messy, triggering on-the-stair moments where we choose to do it differently.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Those dishes might have sat there a few minutes longer, yet the healing that happened in that moment worth every crusty plate. Here's something wild about parenting teens. They have this incredible radar for authenticity. They can spot when you're operating from your wounded place versus our healed place. Actually, toddlers do it really well. The twins have this running joke about my growth moments, those times when they can see me actively choosing to respond differently than my automatic programming. The biggest lesson these almost 30 years of parenting have taught me are limitations, whether they're physical, like my health challenges, or emotional, like our trauma. Responses don't have to be roadblocks. They can be doorways of deeper healing, not just for us, yet for our children also.

Speaker 1: 15:24

For this week's challenge, I invite you to try time healing Yep, time healing. Pick a challenging moment with your child from today. Then think back to how you handled similar situations when they were younger. Notice the pattern, celebrate the growth and be gentle with the places that still need healing. Let me share something that brought tears to my eyes. Recently, I overheard one twin telling the other twin during an argument hey, remember what mom says about big feelings they're just messengers. Hey, remember what mom says about big feelings they're just messengers. In that moment I realized that all those years of messy, imperfect healing work were worth it. Beautiful souls, whether you're in the trenches with toddlers or navigating the complex waters of teenhood, or maybe you're just with newborns or simply tending to your inner child, remember this you're not just parenting your children, you're reparenting yourself, and every time you choose awareness over autopilot, you're changing the story for generations to come.

Speaker 1: 16:39

So some of you might be asking about this pause practice. Well, head over to liftoneselfcom and sign up to our newsletter, and I will be sending something out shortly about the pause practice guide, the timeline healing worksheet and energy management toolkit for parents with chronic conditions. So until then, this is Nat Nat, reminding you that healing happens in cycles, just like parenting, one phase at a time. Keep feeling, keep healing and keep growing. Please remember to be kind to yourself. See you next time. See you next time. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation. So please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on Facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self. And if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery, call liftoneselfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.