When Grief Meets Holiday Joy: A Journey of Heart and Healing

What happens when the holiday spirit collides with the shadow of grief? Join me, nat Nat, on Lift One Self as I share deeply personal reflections on how navigating the festive season has transformed since losing my grandmother just before my birthday. The holidays, once a time of joy and family unity, now hold a complex mix of emotions. By sharing my journey, I hope to create a safe space for others who find themselves wrestling with similar experiences, balancing the joy of celebration with the weight of sorrow.

Together, we explore how to honor our genuine emotions without letting them overwhelm us, especially during this time of heightened expectations. I discuss the profound shifts that small, intentional actions can bring, helping us stay grounded amidst the seasonal chaos. Through heartfelt stories and valuable insights, I invite you to reflect on how you show up for yourself and find meaningful change in embracing the full spectrum of your emotions. Listen and discover perspectives and tools that support you in nurturing your well-being during the holidays.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Hey, beautiful souls, welcome back to the Lift One Self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and today I'm going to share what my experience is with holiday and grief. Many of you are having to navigate it for the first time, or possibly you've been going through this for a few decades.

Speaker 1: 0:57

Myself, it's been decades since I've been navigating the holidays with grief. You see, when I was 11, my grandmother transitioned four days before my birthday and then the holidays since then just didn't feel the same, because she was the glue that kept my family together, and let me tell you there was a lot of chaos that went on at Christmas time. There's always somebody that left crying, and many of you know that. Natalie recently transitioned on November 27th. Her birthday is December 11th, her mother's birthday is December 12th and her oldest son's birthday is December 13th, and one of the prayers that Natalie had was to spend Christmas in Ottawa with her boys. And as I say this, I'm choking up with tears because I really feel it. You know the holidays is one that is to activate and ignite joy, Yet how do we hold space for the grief also, how do we not deny our authentic feelings and not let one overtake the other? And you know that becomes a profound question you need to ask yourself of how am I going to show up with all of it, not just picking one or the other. Up with all of it, not just picking one or the other, and especially not allowing your nervous system to just shut you down completely?

Speaker 1: 2:31

Lately I've been thinking about how the small, intentional shifts I've taken have created meaningful change, especially during the season that can feel so overwhelming. One of those shifts for me has been finding tools that support my energy and help me stay connected to myself, no matter how busy things get or overwhelming. For me, magic Mind has been one of those tools. It's a simple addition to my mornings that bring steady, calm energy, without the highs and lows of too much coffee. What I appreciate most is how it supports clarity and focus, helping me feel grounded when the day ahead feels packed. I've also read some incredible testimonies from others who found it helpful. Someone shared how it's made them excited to start their day, and I actually can mirror that, while another person loved that it gave them energy without triggering anxiety, and I can attest to that.

Speaker 1: 3:31

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Speaker 1: 4:38

Again, magicmindcom forward slash, lift oneself. Those small, meaningful actions that you take for yourself is what creates that change and you know, when you're navigating through grief during the holidays, you don't want to feel joy, you don't want to be joyous. You at times, don't even want to be around anybody. Yet what helps you go through the waves of grief is human connection, and it's important that you not only connect with yourself, you connect with others, yet make it intentional. Yes, there's a lot of times you're putting yourself in spaces that drain your energy and you have to ask yourself why am I doing this? And you might hear a little narrative in your mind that it might be your father's voice, your mother's voice, or maybe some voice off Instagram telling you what you need to do to be the best self. Rather than ask yourself what lights you up, what supports that energy within yourself? How are you honoring your energy? You know there's going to be times where you're just going to have to sit and cry and that's healthy to release those tears. They're not only sadness. They're a release of so much toxins and suppressed emotions and there's like excitement and joy in those tears also. There's a lot of emotions in there. Yet if you don't allow yourself that space to just be, to really allow helplessness in yes, helplessness Many of us don't know how to engage with the feeling of helplessness.

Speaker 1: 6:25

We don't even know how to articulate it in our everyday language. Yet if you don't articulate it and give it space, guess what? It's going to hijack your behavior. It's going to create even more separation from self. It's going to erode your intentions. So allow yourself to have some space with helplessness. Let it coexist so it no longer hijacks your behavior and that you honor your authentic emotions. Find the people in spaces that will engage and see you and not make you feel like you have to force yourself to be seen that they truly accept you how you are and they're reminding you to live.

Speaker 1: 7:11

Living with grief is like such a mindfuck. It truly is, because one moment you might be elated and high, the next moment you're tugging down in the lows. Meanwhile you want to stay balanced in between. Yet you know what this is, the human experience, and you have to honor what is here in the present moment and allow there to be space for it. Yes, at first your emotions are going to take a while to process. Yet the more that you honor yourself by processing and allowing it to be felt, the more it doesn't stay so long it passes through and that you're not rejecting reality, because the biggest thing about grief is it wants to reject reality. It doesn't want to be in the present moment, right now, because the present moment might feel like a nightmare. So you're always trying to replay the past so that you get a little bit of a hit of what it felt like when they were here in their body.

Speaker 1: 8:15

Yet you know what you might be missing, and that you didn't even realize, is that if you open up space within yourself, you can receive their presence from the other side of love. Yes, the other side of love. Energy doesn't die, it transforms. Does that mean, oh, just be joyous all the time? No, if you need to cry, cry, you need to scream, scream. If you need to be with some people, then be with some people. If the pain is too much and the suffering and you need something to numb, then just be honest with that. Take the edge off. Yet don't take the edge off because you aren't wanting to face reality, because you're just going to create more suffering and dig yourself in a hole that's going to be really challenging to get out of.

Speaker 1: 9:12

We in a society don't know how to feel our feelings, and this experience with Natalie has brought profound depth of knowing and feeling and going through the roller coasters. Be honest with yourself. That's the space where you need to be in, validate your experiences, start questioning how you want to spend the holidays. You know traditions are there and they're needed. It's not to throw everything away. Yet you can reinvent things to support your energy, to support your character, to support what your intentions are.

Speaker 1: 9:55

You don't want to have to go through the holidays with, like you know, three cups of coffee and have to do how many therapy sessions just to get through it. You want to be able to do the holidays that are going to light you up and create core memories. So that means you're going to have to give some people some no's so you can give yourself some yes's. And you know one thing that really helps me to really engage with where am I and what am I feeling inside is grounding in my breath. So if you'll join me right now let's take a mindful moment to be present right now will join me right now. Let's take a mindful moment to be present right now.

Speaker 1: 10:39

So if you're driving, you know safety first, keep your eyes on the road, yet you're able to follow the other prompts. So I'm going to ask you to get comfortable in your seating. Maybe you're cooking, or maybe you're hiding in the bathroom from all the chaos in your house. Wherever you are, just get comfortable in your seat and begin breathing in through your nose and gently exhale through your mouth and place your hand on your heart. Just allow yourself to feel your hand against your heart and keeping your awareness on your breath Going in and out. You might have to take a few more breaths because your mother-in-law may have asked about the grandchildren once again.

Speaker 1: 11:30

Whatever it is you need to do, just keep with your breath. Is you need to do? Just keep with your breath. Allow yourself to drop into your body, feel your shoulders drop. Feel your jaw unclench. You were totally clenching, it weren't you? You were totally clenching, it weren't you?

Speaker 1: 11:56

Now, while still keeping your hand on your heart, maybe you want to put both of them on if you're not driving. Feel that heartbeat, feel the rhythm. That's your rhythm, not anyone else's holiday rhythm. It's yours and you can change that rhythm. Take another breath, just stay with the rhythm and as you exhale, imagine all those shoulds melting away, all those. But we always do it this way thoughts. Just let them drift off like snowflakes. Just let them drift off like snowflakes again, with your breath this time, as you inhale, think of one thing, just one, that would make your holidays feel more peaceful. Now, hold that thought, stay with the thought, stay with your breath, allow it to sink into your heart While your hands are holding your heart, allow that peaceful thought to be embodied inside you. That's your permission slip right there. Pause, stay with your breath and just stay with that thought. Now, while still staying with your breath. Now, while still staying with your breath, at your own time and at your own pace, you're going to gently open your eyes. How are you feeling? A bit more centered, a bit more you Good. Keep that feeling and remember you have permission to say no to events that drain you. Yes, even the ugly sweater party. Modify traditions to fit your current reality.

Speaker 1: 14:31

Grief is a serious thing that a lot of us just want to escape from. Yet there's a lot of beauty in grief, and we can miss out on how we can activate change within our lives, to give ourselves permission to honor our energy. Take breaks when you need them. Naps are self-care. Ask for help. Delegation is a superpower. There's probably so many people that want to help you during the holidays. Yet you know what you have to do the work to open up to receive the help, which can feel like a threat, because you know what, when the nervous system is in dysregulation and there's been a trauma response, asking for help is very vulnerable. You don't want to open yourself up to it. Yet that is your work to release those defense mechanisms and allow yourself to receive the help that others want to give to you.

Speaker 1: 15:41

To you, before we wrap up in this cozy chat, which probably sparked a lot of emotions, a lot of you know thoughts, challenging thoughts. I hope they did. This is your reminder that the best traditions are the ones that don't require the three cups of coffee and a therapy session to get through. They're the ones that make you feel like you just got a warm hug, not like you're running a holiday marathon. Your holiday season can be whatever you want it to be. If that means eating Chinese food in your PJs while watching holiday movies, I'm here for it. If it means hosting a formal dinner, because that truly brings you joy, rock on with your fancy self. Just remember you don't get over grief. You integrate it. You use it as a catalyst to use time as a tool, not a toy. So, please, your tool wisely during the holidays and protect your energy Until next time. Let life be messy, let life be filled with emotions. May your yes to self be empowered. May you protect your energy. Please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter. Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time.

Speaker 1: 17:14

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