The 90-Second Emotional Freedom Code: Why Thinking Can't Heal Trauma

Ever wonder why you keep hitting the same emotional walls despite years of personal growth work? Trauma specialist Tammy Cox reveals the missing piece that's keeping you stuck in patterns you can't seem to break.

"Trauma is just a high state of negative emotion," Tammy explains, cutting through the buzzwords to offer a refreshingly simple understanding of how early life experiences shape our adult personalities. The real breakthrough comes when she illuminates why intellectual understanding alone never creates lasting change—our bodies hold emotional charges that must be felt to be released.

What makes this conversation particularly powerful is Tammy's blend of compassionate wisdom and practical techniques. She walks us through why emotions we label as "negative" are actually valuable messengers and teachers. Most surprisingly, she reveals it only takes 90 seconds to fully process an emotion when we stop resisting it—yet most of us have spent decades building sophisticated defense mechanisms to avoid those 90 seconds.

Throughout our dialogue, we explore why relationships trigger our deepest wounds, how to recognize when the "two-year-old you" is running the show, and why befriending your anger might be the most spiritual thing you can do. Tammy also shares the origin story behind her podcast "Behind the Veil: Anonymous Transformations," where she guides people through healing their deepest wounds in real-time.

Ready to move beyond the self-help plateau and experience genuine emotional freedom? This episode offers both the understanding and practical guidance to help you stop thinking your feelings and start transforming your life by actually feeling them. The path to becoming whole isn't about getting rid of parts of yourself—it's about bringing compassion to all the protective mechanisms that have kept you safe until now.

Connect with Tammy here https://reclaimurmarriage.com/4-pillar-optin

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Lift One Self Podcast
• 1:59 Meeting Tammy Cox: Trauma Specialist
• 4:26 Mindful Moment Grounding Exercise
• 7:16 Understanding Trauma and Emotions
• 16:07 Healing Through Relationship Patterns
• 21:31 The Challenge of Deep Connections
• 33:02 Behind the Veil Podcast
• 41:02 Breaking Free From Who You Are
• 45:38 Choosing Your Emotional State
• 49:19 Closing Thoughts and Contact Information

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast, where we break mental health stigmas through conversations. I'm your host, nat Nat, and we dive into topics about trauma and how it impacts the nervous system. Yet we don't just leave you there. We share insights and tools of self-care, meditation and growth that help you be curious about your own biology. Your presence matters. Please like and subscribe to our podcast. Help our community grow. Let's get into this. Oh, and please remember to be kind to yourself. Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and today we are in the lovely presence of Tammy Cox, and we're going to get into some trauma. We're going to talk about her passion project, which is her own podcast, and we're going to find out why she started it and what it's about, and we're just going to, you know, dive into some intuitive conversations to see what comes up and what it is that some people need to hear and what's the message right now. So, tammy, could you let me and the listeners know a little bit about yourself?

Speaker 2: 1:22

Frozen.

Speaker 1: 1:23

Yeah, I see that frozen.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Yeah, I see that.

Speaker 1: 1:28

Oh, there we go, I'm back hey, let me redo that like and then, like you know, it's just to keep me on my toes, because I said I was like, oh, I'm tired, no, no, stay on your toes, okay. Um, welcome to the lift one self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and today I have a lovely guest named Tammy Cox, and today we're going to get into the dialogue of trauma emotions and we're also going to talk about her passion project, which is her own podcast. So, if you will, tammy, could you introduce yourself to myself and the listeners and let us know? I sure can.

Speaker 2: 2:10

Yes, thank you so much for having me. I have a feeling this is going to be a really good conversation, okay, so, yes, I am Tammy Cox. I am a trauma specialist and I help women find lasting love by healing the wounds caused by childhood trauma. So I'm really one of those people, because you know my ideal client. She's been doing the work, she's been on her journey, she's been digging into her shadows and yet there are some big ones that she can't seem to shift. So that's when she finds me, because the processes I do are they're pretty deep and the whole goal is to create an entirely new identity in the fastest, easiest, most fun way possible. So that's my joy and passion and I also love doing this. This is part of my joy, too, because when I connect to like-minded individuals, it fills my cup and it's actually what I find rejuvenates me to do the deep inner work that I do within people's transformation through their trauma. So this is also what, you know, charges me.

Speaker 1: 3:27

Yeah, myself also. That's why I started this podcast back in 2021, because it was like you know what let me have some deep conversations with people and let's open up the conversations for people that may not have the resources and the funds to be able to do the work yet they're not even aware that there's other practices or tools that they could use and that they finally feel validated. In seeing that, it's like oh my gosh, you're in my mind. This is exactly what I was looking for. It gives me a little bit more tools to be able to do that deep dive within myself. Before we get in the convo, would you join me in a mindful moment so that we can ground ourselves and open our heart?

Speaker 2: 4:10

Absolutely.

Speaker 1: 4:11

Okay, and listeners, you know my safety spiel. Most of you listen to this while driving. So when I ask us to close our eyes, please don't safety first, yet the other prompts you're able to do with whatever you're doing. So, tammy, I'll ask you to get comfortable in your seating and, if it's safe to do so, you'll gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out through your nose. You're not going to try and control your breath, you're just going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to guide you into your body.

Speaker 1: 4:54

There may be some sensations or feelings coming up, and that's okay, let them come up. Let them come up. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go. Surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be, be with your breath and drop deeper into your body Right now. There may be some thoughts or to-do lists that have popped up in your mind. That's okay. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath, creating space between the awareness and the thoughts and dropping deeper into your body, allowing yourself to just be, be with the breath. Again, more thoughts may have popped up. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath, beginning again, creating even more space between the awareness and the thoughts and diving even deeper into your body, being in the space of just being. You may have noticed the rhythm of your breath has changed. You may notice some aches or pains that you weren't aware of in your body. That's okay. Continue just staying with the breath and allowing yourself to just be Now, at your own time and at your own pace you're going to gently open your eyes

Speaker 2: 6:55

while staying with the breath.

Speaker 1: 6:58

You're welcome. You're welcome, how's?

Speaker 2: 7:01

your heart doing. My heart is open and juicy.

Speaker 1: 7:09

What got you into trauma and being a specialist in it?

Speaker 2: 7:16

Like so many of us, it was me saving myself, and then me saying, ooh, everyone needs this. And realizing, you know, when you go through your healing process, I believe that's when our true passion and purpose unlocks at least the next level, the next layer, next layer. And so, even though I always knew I was a healer, I realized that it was the time to take the next step, you know so, to hold that space for other people.

Speaker 1: 7:56

Can you give your definition of what trauma is for the listeners, because it's such a buzzword right now and you know other people have so many different definitions, so I always like to get where the person is with what they, how they define trauma.

Speaker 2: 8:12

Yeah, so trauma is just a high state of negative emotion.

Speaker 2: 8:16

Okay very simply put it's you're in a negative state, you tend to hold your breath and you have a thought that pops in and that thought gets stamped onto your subconscious mind, especially in those first five years of life. So, um, you know, when I'm working with a client, I want to deal with those first five years first, because that's when their personality was created. It was created from the trauma, and lots of people I agree it is a buzz word and lots of people have a lot to say around it but trauma is actually a gift. It's what has protected you and kept you safe. So let's not demonize the trauma and, at the same time, let's heal it, neutralize it, take the emotion out of it so that you have that freed up space to choose your personality or ways of being for yourself, instead of taking what was gifted to you at the moment of conception.

Speaker 1: 9:14

Yeah, and you said, the big word, which is the crux of healing, is emotions, and that is the thing that everybody wants to avoid because it's so scary, it's messy, it's uncomfortable, it's disorientating. Yet until you go into those memories and those emotional charges that are energy blocking within your system, you're not able to get that clear channel and that clarity within your body. And understandable that those experiences. It can feel very unsafe to want to come back into the body because you experienced pain. How do you help your clients not think their emotions, actually feel their emotions in their body?

Speaker 2: 10:07

feel their emotions in their body. Well, first of all, it is like you just said it's teaching them that their emotions aren't the bad guy, that their emotions are a teacher, they're a tool, that they're good. You know, because a lot of people have a lot of judgments about things such as pain and anger. It's like those are all good, once again, when we take the judgment out of it, and it's not bad or good, but it's simply neutral as we can observe it and see it. That's step one, and then step two we got to feel it, to heal it. So it's teaching them your emotions are good and then feeling them fully, because it only takes 90 seconds to fully feel your feelings without any resistance in order for the pain to pass.

Speaker 2: 10:50

It's not very long. So you know you're right, we got to get over this idea that emotions are bad and we have to see them as the gift that they are in order that we can move out the ones that no longer serve us. They have to be moved out of the vessel. That's what I find that people need to know the most is like, hey, you're holding onto all this pain back from before your lifetime. Would you like to get rid of some of it, because I'd love to help you do that.

Speaker 1: 11:21

Yeah, yeah, that's the biggest part with the emotions too is I tell my clients to befriend anger. Anger is protection, like anger has such a bad rap in the spiritual world and mindset and and it's like, okay, well, anger is here for a reason. So what is it protecting? And most times it's protecting the sense of helplessness, sensitivity, vulnerability, the fear. It was not safe to feel those authentic emotions.

Speaker 1: 11:50

So, recognizing that your nervous system not intentionally, it's a very intelligent design it has created a defense mechanisms that these emotions cannot be felt. So you have to be able to open up those defense mechanisms to allow that feeling and those emotions to come up. And, as you said, it's to rewire how you're defining, like this, negative and positive emotions. I'm like that that is creating such nonsense for people and then they're trying to do a la carte with what emotions they'll allow in and not. And it's like each emotion has information for you, as you said, a teacher, it has data and if you're not able to let them come up, then you're not able to hear the information that is needed for you.

Speaker 1: 12:36

Like you know, when you start feeling those authentic emotions, all of a sudden these memories start popping up and it's like, oh, I didn't realize I created this BS of a belief system about myself. I didn't realize the narration that I created to insulate myself so that I could survive in my environments. I didn't know that I interpreted everything to myself, because children are narcissistic of just being self-absorbed yet recognizing, like oh. Of just being self-absorbed yet recognizing, like oh, there were other things. But I wasn't able to feel those emotions because it wasn't safe to do so, or I was told that those emotions were not tolerated or allowed. What do you find is the most challenging? Like you said, the clients that you have are already doing the work and they've kind of plateaued to a certain level and now they want to really go deeper. What do you find is the resistance that still blocks them from doing that deep dive?

Speaker 2: 13:36

Well, oftentimes, when we're in the healing space, you know, we're kind of like we have this idea that, oh, I already did that. We're kind of like we have this idea that, oh, I already did that and that could be a blockage, because it's like, as long as we're in this particular meat suit and this DNA, it's like we have so many layers that we could not possibly at least to my belief level at this point in time. We cannot possibly get through them in this lifetime, and I don't think that we're meant to. I think we're meant to become aware, and I think we're at a certain place in our evolution where we're becoming aware that we are first of all transmuting this information from generation to generation and that the trauma tracks back seven generations on each side. So when we choose to heal, we're healing seven generations on both mother and father side. So that's a pretty tall order for, you know, for this generation which I really believe is starting to heal the trauma, I think that it's going to take some momentum here in some generations. Like I tell my kids hey, I'm, I'm doing my work and you get to do it too. You know like it's it's our joy and it's our pleasure, and I think it's gonna so.

Speaker 2: 14:51

So I think that the hindrance is really thinking, oh no, I've already healed, as if it's a done deal. That's what I think that blockage kind of is in our space and I can totally relate because I was like that, the know-it-all. But there's an unending layers of onions girl. I get through one crusty layer and there's another one underneath and then another one, and so I'm like it's just, and then we got to check those beliefs. It's like why are we going to judge the trauma? Like, and then we got to check those beliefs. It's like, why are we going to judge the trauma? Like, why are we going to judge the layers? It just gets to be information, like you said, data that we get to look at and say, okay, there's more.

Speaker 1: 15:36

Exactly, exactly. It's, I think, the injustice where some of the healing spaces or spiritual spaces make it seem like there's an arrival, that there's a perfection, and it's like no, no, no, no, wounds don't go away, they just stay there and when they get activated, it's almost like you get a knock at the door and when you open the door, you could either be like, ah, you're not supposed to come in, you were never supposed to come visit again, and you slam the door and start the whole process, or you can open the door and say, oh, hello, friend. Okay, come in. What's the information? Okay, but you're not doing a muck in the house Like what is? What are you coming to tell me?

Speaker 1: 16:17

That is in my direct experience that I'm possibly not feeling my emotions again, because that's why wounds get activated, it's emotions are trying to pass through and you're like suppression, because it's been a habit, it's been a pattern of defaulting, of, let me just the secondary emotions feel safe, these authentic ones. It's a little too much sometimes, Even though you can try intellectualizing this stuff, and if intellectualizing this stuff worked, the world would be much different. It's about the embodiment and feeling and the thing about emotions is in the moment. They're not supposed to be meaning, you're not supposed to analyze. Well, why am I feeling? It's just feel. Just let that out, no matter what it looks like. It might be screaming, it might be yelling, it might be emoting, crying, all of the above it just let your body have some expression with that, so that that energetic charge just passes through. Mm-hmm, what has been the most challenging part in your journey?

Speaker 2: 17:27

The reason why I work around the love relationships or tend to attract people in the love space, meaning the romance, relationship space is because that was, like, my biggest pain point. You know, my husband and I we lived in a very toxic marriage for a long time and I swore it was him. Girl Wasn't me, no, it was him. And so a lot of my clients have that perspective. I think we all do.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Before we start on our healing journey, we think our problems are because of everyone else and everything else.

Speaker 2: 18:02

Every circuit, it's not us, because of everyone else and everything else, every circuit, it's not us. And so when they come in and we start diving into them, we realize and notice that we created all of it and although initially we don't love that, we learn to see that as the blessing because that empowers us to create the new thing. Because if we're the victims and it's everyone else's fault to create the new thing, because if we're the victims and it's everyone else's fault, we have no power. But if we take all the power and say, hey, I created all that, what else can I do? If I was doing that on accident? What's next? The love relationship has really been. The thing that I notice is a really big pain point for a lot of people, and it happens to be my jam where I'm like what if it's none of them? What if it's all just a belief that you've got going on in your subconscious, that came in in your early life or before?

Speaker 1: 18:57

And there's a part of being addicted to pain because it's familiar and you can predict it, Whereas joy is open and vast and you're not able to predict that.

Speaker 1: 19:05

And it's familiar and you can predict it, Whereas joy is open and vast and you're not able to predict that and it's in the unknown and uncertainty and you don't know the ebbs and flows of it, where pain can feel constricted and it's like. It's familiar, I know it, and it's not intentional. This is the whole thing of understanding the nervous system. It's always looking at the intelligence of it and the method of the way it's trying to protect you and releasing that protection, not chastising and getting angry. And the biggest thing I find is a disservice for a lot of people. They think they need to get rid of parts of themselves where it's like no, it's the integration you want to be whole with a W, because if you let go of that part that makes you cringe or you don't want to see that part of yourself, then you will not be able to carry of not repeating that Like or you will not know that that isn't the way that you want to go.

Speaker 2: 20:01

Well, it's like your little baby self, like she's just sad, can you pick her up and can you scoop her up in your arms and give her all the love that she so desperately needed, but her parents didn't know how to give it to her. Like, can we just have so much compassion for her, like she's in pain. That's a big thing. That I teach my clients is when they have those parts of them that lash out is like, instead of judging her, see that age.

Speaker 2: 20:28

For me, when I get triggered, it's the two-year-old me, it's the two to four-year-old me, and I used to get so mad at myself when I do it. But when I learned how to scoop her up in my arms, when I learned how to give her what she needed, in the moment my triggers are. They're so much shorter now I can deal with them quickly. I give a lot less. I mean, I give a lot less of my anger to other people. I take it on myself and the judgment gets to dissolve. So it's like, yeah, what if you could just see all those different parts of you as all the different ages, and just say, well, which one needs the love now? Yeah?

Speaker 1: 21:09

Yeah, I always like I call, when my, when I'm activated, my defense mechanisms are up, I'm like oh the pitbulls out, oh my gosh, ok, pitbull, no, no, we're not biting anybody, we're not in all this.

Speaker 1: 21:22

And then I can feel the temper tantrum teenager that's just like lashing. Then, like you said, the two-year-old that is just emoting and just doesn't have verbiage and everything else. So it's like being able to meet all those parts because, depending on what life is reflecting, for you to go even deeper, mature those parts, to integrate those parts and their emotions like it's. At that stage you didn't have a safe container, a sacred place to just feel those emotions authentically. Because, you know, not many parents have the tools to deal with a toddler that's taken a temper tantrum. They're usually trying to soothe it with food or make it stop or and not just be able to hold the space of just let it run its course, like let it come out of their body.

Speaker 1: 22:11

It's embarrassing when it's in public.

Speaker 1: 22:13

It can create all kinds of activation in you.

Speaker 1: 22:17

Yet if you can do that, that's part of the healing also for this young human being that they can see like part of the healing also for this young human being that they can see like, oh, I can feel these energetic charges and I'm still safe, I'm okay, and nobody's gonna like ostracize me or make me feel like an inconvenience or I'm not loved or whatever narration that goes on, like emotions are so misunderstood and there's, it can feel like it's an inconvenience because it does need space, like at the beginning when you're feeling these they take a while to process, like, even though you're saying 90 seconds, it's that chemical release, yet it's the looping of continuously staying in that victim state, staying in that emotional state because it feels familiar, because it feels familiar, so it's.

Speaker 1: 23:08

It's really encouraging when you know people are doing that deep dive, because you understand, like, oh, you're taking responsibility and you're going within yourself Because it's very easy to point on the outside, yet, like you said, there's no power, you're disempowered. When you're in that state, yeah, when you come inside, it's like, oh, I can witness myself, I can validate myself, I can honor my emotions and I don't need anybody else to do that for me. That is such freedom.

Speaker 2: 23:43

It's like, wow, I tell people, um, for me, I like to believe that I knew everything that I wanted to experience as far as trauma, as far as, like, the struggles and the challenges.

Speaker 2: 23:59

I believe that I set it up that way before this lifetime and I choose to believe that because it allows me to take all the responsibility and all the reins and take blame out of it. It's like if I chose all of this to wake me up and to bring me to the place I'm at now, which is helping other people to do the same. It's like duh, like it makes so much sense, but that's putting everything on me. So there's no like trying to push things off, like this wasn't designed by myself, you know. So, if we look at it that way, I think it takes it even um above like full responsibility of, like no, I carved this all out, like I did this, like cool, what, what, what is it I wanted to really come here to do? And I think that's when our life purpose gets to come to the front and say, okay, that makes sense. This is exactly what I would have carved out if I knew that I wanted to do this thing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:58

I have a question for you. In your personal life, because you go so deep, can it be difficult to have personal relationships with friends and people and be able to communicate when they don't go deep?

Speaker 2: 25:15

Girl, now you're asking the questions. Yeah, absolutely. So, as I continuously go deeper yeah, I mean it's I do find it challenging because there's not a lot of people that want to go where I go. That's why I said, um, this is my passion and pleasure, cause I could talk about the things that most people in my personal life don't want to hear about, they don't want to talk about, they don't, they're not interested in going that deep into themselves. So, absolutely, I I've had to learn, um, to take it slow with people, to go at their pace and not to want for them things that they don't want for themselves. And, yeah, that that can be challenging, cause I'm like feeling kind of alone here on this island of misfits. That's why. That's why I mean I had no, I had no idea what, you know, guesting on other people's podcasts and having my own podcast was going to do for me personally. But it is, that piece that you just spoke about is like it's allowed me to really go as deep as I I want to go.

Speaker 1: 26:26

Yeah, that's the biggest thing that I found lonely in this journey, when you have the self-awareness and the depth and the gift. It's the amount of times that I've been told that I go deep. And then some people are like you know what I? I? I avoid you sometimes because I don't like what you rustle in me and I don't want to go that deep. And you like disorient. I'm like okay, and then other people are like I don't think that deep. It's not that it's a bad thing, I just don't think that deep. But now you're making me like, see, I hear that every day.

Speaker 2: 27:03

I hear things every day.

Speaker 1: 27:08

But yes, yeah, I feel you, yeah, and it can be a challenge. Because then you're like well, do I contort, like to have a sense of you, know, connection and and be with people? And then it's like yet, if I do that, it just starts to feel really uncomfortable for myself, because it's like I'm not putting on this suit of clothing, like I'm okay being naked and raw with myself and I don't want to contort anymore.

Speaker 1: 27:29

Yet there is a lonely aspect in the connection aspect because you can only do superficial for so long where it's like can we go into some depth or whatnot. So it's really understanding connection. Yet I just want to ask a question because I think that's something that many healers that go deep, that that might be something that is a little bit of that lonely path because of that depth of feeling and seeing that most people are like what the heck? No, no, no, no, no, no, you're drowning me right now. You're going too deep. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's, you're drowning me right now. You're going too deep.

Speaker 2: 28:05

Yeah, and that's when I really turn the mirror on myself. So a lot of people are, they're uncomfortable with seeing it in themselves, but if I talk about my stuff, yeah, the easier for them, cause they'll be like oh, this is you, this is I. Make sure they're open to it. And I guess the way, like my husband always says, you need more people in your life. You don't need just a small few, you know. And I think that's helped too, because if I expect to get really, really intimate with these few, that means that they got to be deep on my level, and that's rare. And so if you have more people, like, think about these connections we make, this is such a like.

Speaker 2: 28:58

This didn't happen 20 years ago, right, these connections are made now because we have the internet and we can connect via Zoom and all these wonderful things that we didn't have before, and I think that's why this acceleration is like full steam ahead is because now we have this, and so, yes, it does feel lonely and I've learned ways of bringing things out in other people that they're more comfortable with. So it's kind of challenging for me to be able to find those ways to do, and I'm also okay when people don't want to hear what it is. I have to say, you know, I had a full on because my acceleration in the past five years has been so fast and I even was talking to my mom. She's like don't leave me behind. But I'm like, mom, when you're growing this fast, there's a lot of people that fall off. They just can't hang.

Speaker 2: 29:51

And that gets to be okay and it does get lonely at the top, but then we find other people like us. So there's the yes and no and then that constant adjustment to more of the layers, because I think that adds to this like lonely thing which, when I do work with people, they almost always have this fear of abandonment and being alone at the really base of it, before we get to like the fear of, you know, physical death. It's like both those two are very strong in every human and so I think that's just part of it. But yeah, I think we get to embrace the journey as those, those few going, going up and up and up.

Speaker 1: 30:32

Yeah, yeah, like I've been able to articulate in the past year that it's like I'm good with me, like I'm an only child, so I didn't grow up with the siblings. I had cousins that I grew up with, but not like. How can you do that Like? How can you like? Even, as I mentioned, you know, I went to Barbados for two months to integrate the grief and at times I was just sitting in the dark in the house and one of her cousins came and was like why are you sitting in the house in the dark? For I'm like because I'm okay with it and I want to feel and just be tranquil and listen to the stillness and nature. And what's your problem? I'm like there's nothing wrong with me, like I can, I'm okay with sitting here, and but it like it startled people like that.

Speaker 1: 31:27

This is too weird that you would do that. And it's like you don't understand the benefit that I'm, you know, going through the warrior work of really releasing and feeling and integrating that grief and being good with myself. Like when loneliness comes up and I'm battling and emoting and you know the poor me will come up. It's like, but wait a minute. Do you know how amazing you are? Do you understand how it's like you get to be with yourself right now, the most important person in your story, and then it's like oh yeah, oh yeah, okay that seeking of wanting that external validation. It's like you're forgetting the power within yourself.

Speaker 2: 32:06

I mean, I can't even tell you, I could not be alone with myself. One of my numbing mechanisms was people, and that was because I could not be alone. I hated myself so deeply, I hated to be in my own presence, and so I looked for any way, as loud as the outside noise could be, just to avoid it. So if someone could just sit there with themselves and be that intimate with themselves, I mean, there is no, there is nothing greater, I'm sure of it, like there's just nothing greater.

Speaker 1: 32:40

Yeah, and so when I speak with people, it's like I walk my talk. I'm not just saying something that's theory, it's not something that sounds practical or the it's like. I've have lived experience. I know how challenging it can be, yet I also know what the gifts are if you're willing to traverse and go deep. Now let's talk about your passion project and what brought you into creating the podcast, and can you let us know the title of that podcast and why you chose?

Speaker 2: 33:10

that title. Well, I didn't choose the title. I'll tell you what. My husband came up with the idea for the podcast. He had been bugging me for a couple years, like you got to do this. No one's doing this, and his idea was not to have this like interview style podcast, but to have people on who are my ideal client.

Speaker 2: 33:30

They're suffering in love and they've tried everything and they don't know where else to turn, and so it's called Behind the Veil, anonymous Transformations, and they come on and it's anonymous for them. So their screen is. There's a silhouette over their screen. You could hear them, you could see me, but you can't see them, and it allows for us to go really deep. So we go over their patterns for us to go really deep, so we go over their patterns, we find their pain point and then we track it back to childhood and then we neutralize the traumatic event.

Speaker 2: 34:10

And so I take them through a process that I do with my clients, and the beauty is is that anyone who listens you know, when you listen in on a transformation, there's no way you're not going to transform too. It just has that energy, and so it's like for me it's like a win-win-win, because I obviously get a piece of that healing. They get a huge transformation and anyone that listens does too. And it's like if I could give a piece of my process to some not a piece, I'm giving you my processes, like I'm not hiding them. It's like here they are and if you could do it for yourself, wonderful. And it's like if we all did that, I mean, imagine we would all just rise, just like you said about the podcast world. We, we'd all rise because we're not gatekeeping anything. It's like, yes, if you want to hire me to take you through a process, obviously you're going to get way more of a transformation. But also, if you just want to come on and see how far we can get, why not?

Speaker 1: 35:12

Were you scared when you first launched it.

Speaker 2: 35:19

Were you scared when you first launched it? Yes, I was scared. Anytime I do something new I tell my kids this because my older two are teenagers and they love saying those words I'm like I was scared anytime I did anything that I hadn't done before yet. That's just how we're trained to be right. We're trained to stay alive. So, yes, I was definitely scared. Yeah, I mean, every time I would go on a new platform or a new stage or whatever. Yeah, that fear rises up in me, but I look at that as challenge accepted look at that as challenge accepted.

Speaker 1: 35:58

Yeah, I just wanted to bring that because a lot of times people see the confidence but they think well, you don't have fear. Cause the amount of times that people, when I explain what goes on inside me, they're like you feel that stuff? I'm like, yeah, I am too. You know, like, I know I hold space, but I the reason why I can hold space is because I'm doing my own work at the same time. So I do have emotions, I do feel, you know, I personalize things, even though I know not to, it's just something that's a default and it's like OK, I'm not this stuff.

Speaker 1: 36:28

You know that this isn't the place to be in and everything else. Yet Sometimes it's a gridlock, sometimes it isn't, and that's why you know it's important to have those spaces that you can have a feedback and accountability with people and work with people and everything else. Because I call it the elephant in the room, like when there's shadows that are hiding and it just doesn't feel safe to be in the light of your awareness. I call it that. You know it's easy to spot the elephant in the room for other people, yet when you're alone with the elephant and to create that safety, so the elephant can reveal itself to you. That's the real work.

Speaker 2: 37:05

But the elephant's always trying to hide from you, and it's like yeah, and just having, like, I tell people, I tried to do it alone for a long time and my results were. They showed that when you hire someone to say, hey, take my hand, I'm going to take you through the process, I'm going to guide you through it, you'll be with me, you'll be safe and they're going to, your results are just going to be so significantly different, and that's why I tell people you can go the slow route if you want, but I don't suggest doing that route. Honey, grab someone's hand who's got the results that you you want, and, um, pay them what, what they're worth, and I promise you you'll never regret it, because you're going to get those results, like you. Just, it's just law, you know. And so, yeah, I highly advise anyone to find someone that they resonate with and hire them to walk them through, because they will take you places that you won't go alone. Yeah, because because of fear.

Speaker 1: 38:05

Yeah, exactly that elephant that mind plays such tricks to stop you. And it's again. It's the protective mechanisms of the unknown and uncertainty and not really understanding possibility. Possibility, Like a lot of people don't realize they could have fear of success as much as they want success. There's a fear of success, of being able to receive it. It's very easy to give.

Speaker 2: 38:29

That's a big one for me too. It's a big one. Every time that I'm, I grow a little bit about, oh, that fear sets in and sometimes I'll gain like 20 pounds so fast and I'll be like what the heck? And I have to dig into the fear. What is the fear underneath it? And it's like this fear of being seen or this fear of failure or this, like it's silly stuff. But you have to remember that most of this stuff is not conscious. You have to dig into it because it's so much more like the. Our subconscious is 95%. That means just that little bit that's on top of the surface. So you're not, you're not really going to find it until you go deep, deep, deep, um, and so even with myself, um, yeah, no one is above fear, because that is the part of our human self that keeps us alive.

Speaker 1: 39:20

Exactly. It has one function Don't die. It's a one function. So you know, feeling like you might lose money feels like death. Like you said, abandonment, rejection feels like death because you're not getting love. A breakup in a relationship feels like death because it is a type of death You're losing a part of who you were in this. So it's a psychological thing and the nervous system doesn't know the difference between what's real and what you're thinking feels real. So it's, you know, really having radical compassion for yourself, radical kindness for yourself. And you know, allowing context.

Speaker 1: 39:58

I think the biggest thing is people really still get stuck in black and white and don't allow the context of explaining well, you did this because of this, this, this. Yeah, sure, the action may not have been a proper one, yeah, give yourself some context of why you were doing it. It's not an excuse, it's just being able to give you some more information so that when you get triggered or activated, you can remember wait, context, wait, there's a different way. I can take a pause for a minute and come out of this train that I'm on and understanding that biology that you are in and everything else, that biology that you are in and everything else. I'm mindful of time and, boy, I think we could talk for hours and dig, you know, dive deep. I want to ask you what is one question I haven't asked that you think would be of value to the listeners?

Speaker 2: 40:55

I think so many of us really contemplate whether or not we can change. You know, I think a lot of people are stuck because they have this underlying like I can't change. And I will tell you this there is nothing about yourself or your life circumstance that you cannot change. I have changed so many things about my personality. You know, we think these things are like concrete, they're hard and fast. I can't change that about myself. This is just who I am. This is just who I am. This is just who I am. And it's like that's so bogus. There is nothing you can't change about your life and there's nothing you can't change about you. So please don't subscribe to that belief system. Beliefs are so malleable. Yes, it takes some practice to learn what they are, where they come from, how to change them, but they are changeable. So don't get in that closed-minded space and think that there is nothing you can do about your circumstances, because there always is.

Speaker 1: 42:03

Yeah, thank you for that, and thank you for the reminder, for myself and also for the listeners, to remember a change is possible. It's just you need to have your willingness. Yeah, you have to unleash your curiosity to go into that unknown and uncertainty, because you know staying the same is it's predictable. Change is scary because you're going into the unknown even though intellectually you want something different. To allow yourself to walk into that unknown, it's like whew, that's too vast, that's too big, I don't know what.

Speaker 2: 42:38

And yet here we are. We've shed so many of our old skins and yet, you know totally, we have more shifts to have and all that. And it still gets scary to go up the next level. Even though we've done it many times, you know it's still. Each rung is scary and I think it's just about embracing the fear. I like to talk to the fear, almost like the little girl inside of me. I'm like come on, get in the back seat. You know you're going to be fine, I'm going to drive for a little bit, don't worry, we're safe, let's go.

Speaker 2: 43:12

You know, it's like I've also been with a lot of people on their deathbed and when they're transitioning and it's like they never say, oh, I wish I didn't go for that. They never say like they're more disappointed at the things that they didn't go for and what they didn't experience, because they were so scared. So I think about that often. It's like on my deathbed I want to be like hey, I came, I saw, I conquered, cool, see y'all, later I'll be back.

Speaker 2: 43:41

You know, I want to have that attitude and if I, if I take it that way, it's like I always think how much better can I get? How much bigger can it get? How many more people can I touch? How many? How many more can I heal? It's like how can it get bigger? Because I don't want to think so small in that little fearful box of like, oh, I just got to stay safe and make just enough money. And you know, see, just it's like I don't want that. That sounds, that sounds uncomfortable to me. Now I won't say that I've always felt that way, but from where I sit now, that would be so uncomfortable to say in the damn box.

Speaker 1: 44:19

Yeah, you know, I want to ask you, now that we're speaking about this and not staying small right now, you know the way that the world is and you're in America right now there's a lot of heightened fear, a lot of uncertainty. That's going on. What would be a message for those that are filled with anxiety and fear? What would you want to feed into them and fuel into them about you know, regulating themselves and feeling an openness?

Speaker 2: 44:52

Well, fear is fake. For one. Fear is just such a bogus idea that I and after I already said the other part, there's so many parts to it. But uh, fear is completely bogus, uh, it's not real. And you get to choose your emotional state. Like.

Speaker 2: 45:09

One thing that I do with my clients that makes the biggest difference for them is empower them to see that they get to choose their own emotional state. Especially as we trim off the pain in the body, as we start to really pull it out of the body, it frees up the space, like we were talking about. But they also discover that they have the ability to choose their emotions. So it's true that we don't have control over the entire earth or whatnot, but we do have control over our emotional state. And for you to take full dominion over your emotional state is to say it doesn't matter what happens externally, within, I'm guarding my peace. That's what I tell my clients. I guard my peace over everything, every decision I make and every thought that I allow to take. You know to take in and to believe. It's like I command what's going to come in. I take command over my emotional state, and so if the fear comes in, grab ahold of the belief, flush it down the damn toilet If it's not serving you. Don't think it. The whole world could end tomorrow. I will never end. I'm eternal. So it doesn't really matter what it looks like on a physical level, because I'm not super tied to this meat suit, like, oh, when this meat suit goes, I'll be no more.

Speaker 2: 46:36

I don't believe that. So it's like just embrace the fact that you're eternal number one. And also we live in a mental universe. So your thoughts are creating things. Take your thoughts captive. Stop thinking these bogus thoughts. Put fear in the back seat. Tell her it's okay, it's all going to be fine. Buckle up, sweetie. I'm taking this. And then take full control of your emotional state because you do not have to live like that.

Speaker 2: 47:06

We all have people in our life that I don't take those calls anymore, but that want to call you up and tell you all that I don't watch the news, I don't take in all that stuff. That is not part of my reality. That I choose. You can have it, have fun with it. That's just not my reality. So, and and two people living in the exact same house no, two people have the same same reality. So we're all choosing it and it and it comes via your thoughts, via your beliefs. It and it comes via your thoughts, via your beliefs, via your emotions. So choose carefully, and that's all I got to say about that.

Speaker 1: 47:42

It's very powerful. It's very powerful. Now, tammy, can you let the listeners know where they can find you, because I'm sure many of them are like, okay, where can I find this woman and let them know about the podcast, your services and everything that you have to offer.

Speaker 2: 47:59

Yes, so I will provide you with my link tree, which has all of my platforms. I'm more dominant on my Instagram, but I'm on all the platforms I also have in my link tree. You could book a schedule discovery call free discovery call. That's about 20 minutes. And also, if you want to apply to be on my podcast, the link is also on the link tree. And, yeah, I appreciate so much. You having me on this conversation was delicious. It was so powerful and I'll probably be high all day off this conversation.

Speaker 1: 48:50

I want to thank you for doing the alchemy in your life of taking those impurities and turning them into gold, yet not just keeping the gold for yourself. You're sharing it with the world. So I want to thank you for that, and I also want to thank you for giving me the most valuable thing you have in life, which is your time. So spending your time and sharing your lived experience with myself and the listeners I am eternally grateful for that.

Speaker 2: 49:11

Oh, I hold all that in my heart because, yes, time is valuable and yet there's nothing I'd rather be doing with it than sharing it with you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 49:25

So listeners, at any time, if you had tingles, if you had aha or you felt like you know we were in your thoughts, that is your signal to reach out to Tammy. So her link tree will be in the show notes Click. Get in contact with her, because your nervous system is letting you know she has somewhere else to bring you even deeper and for you to thrive even more into your life and take more power over you know, your dominion, your autonomy, your joy, your peace. So again, thank you so much, tammy, for being here and please remember to be kind to yourself. Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time.

Speaker 1: 50:10

If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation. So please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on Facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery? Call liftoneselfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.