VOICE UNCHAINED: The Caribbean Songstress Who Conquered 60,000 Hearts & Refused to Sell Her Soul

What does it mean to harness your authentic power as a female artist in a world that often tries to define you? Tabitha Gerbadian's journey from Barbados to international stages reveals the raw reality behind the spotlight.

When Tabitha steps on stage, something electric happens. Her voice commanded 60,000 people in Africa and turned quiet restaurant patrons into spontaneous dancers. But this Caribbean reggae artist's path hasn't been without challenges. With refreshing candor, she shares how her confident, assertive stage presence gets mischaracterized as "masculine energy" in a male-dominated industry. "If I am doing really good at my job, it's like, 'oh, she's trying to be a man,'" she explains, highlighting the double standards women face across professions.

The conversation takes us behind the curtain of music industry politics, from Tabitha's formative experience performing with Beenie Man at just 13 years old to her manifestation moment with Wyclef Jean. She speaks powerfully about resisting pressure to sexualize her performances, choosing instead to let her artistry and message lead. Her song "Better Must Come," written during a dark period, later saved a fan's life—a profound reminder of music's healing power.

Tabitha's philosophy emerges as both practical and spiritual: "Energy does not lie. When you put intentions and set your intentions, best believe it's gonna come exactly how it needs to come." Her transition from Barbados to Germany, from performing to planning her first EP, all reflect a woman determined to trust her intuition despite a world that sometimes pushes against it.

What emerges is a story about more than music—it's about finding courage to stand in your truth when others would have you dim your light. Whether you're an artist or simply searching for authenticity in your own life, Tabitha's journey offers both inspiration and practical wisdom for the path ahead.

Learn more about Tabitha here

https://audiomack.com/tabithagerbadian

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Tabitha Gerbadian
• 3:38 Mindful Moment Practice
• 9:39 Female Energy in the Music Industry
• 21:27 Music as a Vessel for Healing
• 30:07 From Barbados to Global Stages
• 40:25 Performing with Beenie Man & Wyclef
• 56:27 Finding Authenticity as an Artist
• 1:10:02 Balancing Personal Truth and Industry Expectations
• 1:23:25 Introspective Questions and Life Lessons

Transcript

NatNat : 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self podcast. I am your host, nat Nat, and today I brought some sunshine and some heat to the listeners and myself. We have a wonderful guest that is from the island of Barbados, yet she's in Germany right now dealing with what I have to deal with the cold and adjusting to the environment. It is none other than Tabitha Gerbadian. So, tabitha, could you introduce yourself to myself and the listeners and let us know a little bit about yourself?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 0:32

So, hey, nat, Nat, I think you probably just, you know, did it for me. Like you said, I am based now in Germany. Caribbean girl, true and true from Barbados this is how the names got matched the German, barbadian, gerbadian. So yeah, sunshine not evident here, but hopefully I can give you some warmth and sunshine. Bubbly personality I try not to take things too serious all the time Just a fun-loving person, and I think it shows in my music, in my art, in everything that I do. I just try to be my authentic self. So I guess that's Tabitha basically in a nutshell.

NatNat : 1:14

Yeah, I was blessed to hear Tabitha sing. I was at QP I believe it was in January that she was there as a guest with Risa and the Impressive Roots band and let me tell you Tabitha has a frequency that will get you up. And let me tell you the whole restaurant was up dancing. So if any of you may not have seen, it's on my IG and on my TikTok where you saw all the patrons getting up and really having a good time. So I am testimonial of what Tabitha can stir in you to really use that music to bring you into a higher vibration and just be present in the moment of enjoying yourself. So, before we get into a deep dive of a conversation, tabitha, will you join me in a mindful moment? Of course, okay For the listeners.

NatNat : 2:08

As I always tell you, safety first. When I asked Tabitha and myself to close our eyes, keep your eyes open if you're driving or need your visual, yet the other prompts you're able to follow with us. So, tabitha, I'll ask you to get comfortable and if it's safe to do so, so you're going to gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose and you're going to bring your awareness to watching your breath go in and out. You're not going to try and control your breath. You're just going to be aware of its rhythm, allowing it to guide you into your body.

NatNat : 2:47

There may be some feelings or sensations coming up, and that's okay. You're safe to feel, you're safe to let go, surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be, be with your breath, drop deeper into your body. Now there may be some thoughts or to-do lists that have popped up in your mind, and that's okay. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath, creating space between the awareness and the thoughts and dropping even deeper into your body, allowing yourself to just be. Again, more thoughts may have popped up. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath. Gently bring your awareness back to your breath, beginning again, creating even more space between the awareness and the thoughts and dropping even deeper into your body, being in the space of just being. Continue staying with your breath and, when you're ready, at your own time and at your own pace, you're going to gently open your eyes while staying with your breath.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 4:19

Well, so I just went back into sleep mode. So I just went back into sleep mode.

NatNat : 4:26

That's what it tends to do. You know, I started doing these mindful moments because, instead of telling people to meditate or slow down, I really wanted to model it and invite you know people to was two minutes. It can feel like a long time, yet there's tremendous benefit when we can interrupt our patterns and just do a check-in with ourselves to see what's going on inside. So my first question to you, tabitha, is how is your heart doing?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 4:57

My heart is good, my heart is thankful and full. At this point. I have had a rough couple of days at work and everything, but in general I am happy to even be able to do that the hardships, but accepting it because I'm even able to do that and there are people that are not able to do that and to be able to maneuver through it and to deal with it and not just be like, oh, my life is so hard, why me, why now? And you know like I'm, I've been battling with that a lot recently and, um, yeah, I find, like I, I wake up with a sense of thankfulness and I think that helps my heart to be as full as it can be and to be in the present, but to be thankful for the present, because the present is a present it is.

NatNat : 5:57

It is yeah. So you've been in this industry of music for a really long time, and long enough to see the highs in the struggles and see the lows. You know what's something about the music business, especially as a female artist, that no one really talks about but needs to be heard.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 6:19

Um, one thing for me, because I am very dominant on stage and I think it sometimes comes across as masculine energy. If I am doing really good at my job, it's like, oh, she's trying to be a man. And I think this happens to a lot, regardless of what field you're in. It comes down to like, for instance, with a female who's excelling in a in an office setting, it'd be like, oh, she's so bossy. Because when they sense that energy, like you're sure you're strong in what you're doing, you're affirmative and you say this is what I need, this is what I want, get it done, please. You know, like, and you're like a female is not supposed to be, that a female is supposed to be fairies and cotton candy. And oh my god, you know, and this was never me. So, as I continue to, to learn and grow, and from strength to strength, it appears more so that I have, um, uh, what they would call a rough energy about me, and then it intimidates some people, especially males, to the point where they would be like no, so we got to talk down to her or we need to break her in this particular instance, because she can't appear to be more masculine than I am in this point, you know, at this point in time. So sometimes it is a bit touch and go, sometimes it's a bit tricky in terms of dealing with different energies because they then project onto you and then you have to be strong enough to deal with that. Accept it for what it is, but keep it pushing still and not changing who you are to please anyone. And I think a lot of the times, whether it's be, whether it is negotiating a contract or negotiating the spot that I'm going on stage at, because it's like oh, this guy is a male, so he's supposed to close the show. And, like you know, for me this is not really the, the, the. The end goal of it all is to be seen, and I am the vessel and I need my message out there. It doesn't matter for me what position I go on stage at, but for for some people is like oh no, why are you putting a female to close this show? Or why you, you know, like, so it's just different little stupidity.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 8:36

I call it because, really and truthfully, it is not what the, the music supposed to be about, and it's not especially in my field, where I consider myself to to do like more so reggae than anything else. I'm an artist and an entertainer first and foremost and I can do really any genre, but reggae is where I feel like this is my choice of vessel. I am the vessel, this is the, the, the car I use to bring to the message to the people. And when it is that I, I feel like people are trying to pull me or or make me drift from authentically what I feel this supposed to be, this genre is supposed to be peace, love, a, a connection with the spiritual self, to, to, you know, to everything else, and it just always seems like there is a fight because of the person that's delivering the message as opposed to the actual message. So I'm more focused on the message and in that I miss a lot of the other things as well.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 9:37

You know, you get in the industry to hear here and there, whizzy, whizzy and stuff.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 9:42

Surprisingly, it comes mostly from men and, like I said, it goes back to them feeling threatened or saying, well, oh, this is a masculine energy that she has, or I'm just sure about what I need to do and if I have a job, I'm going to get it done.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 9:56

So, whether it be, like I said before, contracts or anything, negotiating, being firm on what I believe, believe in not selling myself short, not doing this cutesy little moment to please you if it's not going with my brand. Like you know, I can be a female and you can still see that through me. Being firm, you understand, we were all birthed from a mother. If that is not the ultimate source of strength, I don't know what is. You know, yeah, so like yeah, stop trying to say, on one hand, oh, we respect the women and the mothers, but then turn around and like no, she can't be on the same show as me because she's a female acting like a male. Yeah, what is acting like a male? You know it's, it's crazy sometimes, but I do it because I love it, you know, and the day I stop loving it, then I will stop.

NatNat : 10:47

I think that the word for male energy is confidence.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 10:51

Yeah.

NatNat : 10:52

A lot of women don't have confidence in themselves. There's a lot of doubt and feeling that you have to be in a certain box or a certain position. So when you are assertive, when you are direct which some people don't like directness they find it as being rude. Yet it's like you're asking me for my truth and I'm telling you directly what it is. Yet we're in a society that's very hypocritical. We want something, but we don't want it that way, where it's like no directness can come off as rude when people don't understand that. Directness can come off as rude when people don't understand that.

NatNat : 11:28

And the power of that? Because when you're confident, there's a power that comes with that. And unfortunately, sometimes there is a bit of aggression for women, because there has been such a dominance of males that women don't feel safe to even be in their feminine and be respected, so that assertiveness and aggressiveness has to be there, because you're not even allowing me a space to be feminine and safe and still be respected. Yep, exactly. So, as you said, reggae and dance hall are like more than just music, like they carry deep messages and like deep messages of resistance and healing and truth and advocating what's the realest song you've written. If you do write, or that you've sang, the one that comes from a place so raw it almost scared you to share it from a place so raw it almost scared you to share it.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 12:34

Um, there was one that I wrote um. Well, there's one that I wrote with buggy nakente, who's a reggae artist from barbados, um, and it's called original. It's remaining true to your roots and everything but the. So this is one of them that I, I think I have a kind of an attachment to um, but the one that I really I wrote it at a time I wasn't scared, but at a time where there was lots of difficulties in my life, and um, it goes another day in the life of me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 13:05

So much stress, confusion and worry. When will I find my release? Need a savior. Help me please. Nothing seems to go my way. I ain't gonna jump. I got bills to pay. I know it just ain't right. Can't give up on one loses fight.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 13:24

So it was like it is, is um a reminder to myself. It was a a note to myself. Like better must come. I know better must come after the dark skies. You'll see the sun face your problems. You cannot run. That is always there to guide you. And it was a reminder to myself. It doesn't matter, you know, one step forward, two steps back.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 13:49

Sometimes life can make you feel like that, you know, like it was just like me really just writing what I was feeling at that time and it was a reminder to to myself and anyone who would listen. Like your life sometimes is not going to be presented as easy. But if you breathe, you take the moment to breathe, take a beat, as they would say, just relax. You'd realize like things are not, as you know, sometimes something as simple as walking in the sunshine for the first day after two weeks of gloom and doom. And you walk in the sunshine and that sun hits your face is like yo, life could be much worse. I mean, you shouldn't be living really healthily, mentally thinking life can be worse. So let me appreciate what little mediocre stuff I have. But at the same time is like taking a moment to appreciate the point in where you're at and understanding where you've come from and where you're heading. I call it the in-between. When you're living in the in-between sometimes it's scary, but it's like you're keeping a, a track of how, how far you have to go, but how far you've come, and being present in that in-between space, know. So I think I tried to do that a lot and this is where the song came from. So it was like a reminder to myself you're sad today, but tomorrow the sun may simply shine and you may feel better. You know you may get that email that you were waiting on and boom, you know. So again, it goes within being thankful and appreciative and just trying to live day to day, knowing, yeah, better must come.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 15:29

So I think that was one of the songs that really for me personally, that I wrote as a note to myself and I was in the supermarket a couple of years back and a lady came up to me and she, like she was starting to, she just hugged me. I was like, and my daughter was with me, right, and it was so funny because it never happened before, like people would always comment and be like, oh yeah, your music and powerful message, and you know, and yeah, I'm thankful for that. But she came to me and I swear, like the lady, I could feel, when she hugged me, the energy that she was coming at me with. So I remained silent in that moment and I gave her a hug back and she say your music saved my life and it was this particular song. Better must come right. And she was like yo, I was going through it.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 16:22

I was thinking of, you know, like, do I even want to continue with life? And then is when I realized like I should not really take what I do as just being an artist. I should not take it lightly and it's a responsibility that I have to really, you know, like, grasp and understand. Yo, what I'm putting out there can help somebody. And it helped me because music.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 16:47

I started doing music because it was healing me, it was healing my inner child, it was healing the person that really was lost at one point in her life came up, difficult, you know, and trying, and it was always like seeing things around me, it was like, yo, I can make this better, how, how can I make it better?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 17:13

And music was my vessel of choice. And so in doing that, in a nutshell, then, and then when the lady walked off I mean she was crying I had a moment, she had a moment I was like, look, don't ever give up. And I was. I don't know if I was speaking from a place of where I was even believing it, but I know she needed that at that moment and I was like, yo, just stand firm, things are going to get better, things are going to always get better. And I have to remind myself of that most days, you know. But it's a process, you know, like you wake up, you decide, yo, I want to go, mindfulness, and you, you go, you know, you zone in and you, just because this is the vessel that we have now yeah you know.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 17:52

so it's settling and being at peace and then being like, yeah, how can I help somebody else have this peace? Because the more of us that walk with peace, the less war we will have, less turmoil we will have.

NatNat : 18:07

That's where the change is. Each one reach one Exactly.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 18:12

I believe in that for sure, and I got that from my mother. She was the one in the village that always had less but always did more. People could always come to her for a meal. Even if we didn't have that much, they could always come to her for a meal. Even if we didn't have that much. They could always come to her for a plaster, for a cut. They know that my mother was the one in the village that would look after them. Yeah, so I guess it by extension, you know, is definitely from my mom. But growing up and seeing everything around me and wanting better and thinking you know what? What can I do to change the situation and not like, do I wait for someone to help me, take the bull by the horns. What can I actively do to help the situation and will help other people as well to progress to the next stage of their life? How I figured out this for myself as well, and remaining positive throughout it, all you know, regardless of what comes my way.

NatNat : 19:05

So yeah, so, as you said, your journey began in Barbados, yet your voice has ignited souls around the world, like 60,000 Africans, like 60,000 people Like I. Don't think people understand how electrifying that is of energy and attention and commanding stages in the Middle East. Middle East is not like you know. You're bringing reggae and dancehall into the Middle East and having a voice. Yeah, when was the moment that you truly felt that your voice has transcended beyond borders, that it wasn't only in Barbados, it could be in the world?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 19:46

I think the first Africa tour did that for me. So the one with the 60,000 people, for sure, that was it. I remember going on stage and saying, queen Tabitha from Barbados. And I go on the stage and I start talking to them and they are screaming. It's like 60,000 people screaming, trying to touch me, trying to, you know, get a photo and was like wow.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 20:15

And then when I started to sing because I at that point I did not rehearse normally I do not like to rehearse things that I want to come as natural right. So I may rehearse the music with the band, but I may not rehearse exactly what I am gonna say, but for some reason it always touches me, the from the first step that I make on the stage. Then I know, aha, this is what I will do. And I figured, figured, you know what, before they see me, they must hear me. I want them to hear me and to know that it's something serious, that I'm about to deliver to them. And I remember touching the first stage and I say I hear the words of the Rastaman say, and they were like I could hear it and I was goosebumps and I was like, yes, I got them to listen to me now, babylon, you're thrown, gone down, gone down, and I walk and I step in one step after the other and I say something off and I realized I still had my shoes on my feet. I cannot perform on this stage in Africa for the first time with shoes on my feet. I have to touch the earth and I take these shoes off and I throw them one side and I remember somebody scampering to put them, you know, neatly in the corner. I was sorry, I didn't want that to come across as disrespectful, but I was like get these shoes off of me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 21:47

You know, and when I, when I get on stage and I see all the people and I had to take a deep breath and I was like I was getting emotional. And I remember thinking in my head look at me, mom, look at me. That moment all I could think was look at me, mom. And as I get further down in the performance Barbados, I hope you could see this they got so much more for us out here. We are not limited to a box or a place or a place in time. We are so much bigger than what we think we are and if we had the opportunity to do it and make it big, make the opportunity, maximize on every opportunity and do it to the biggest that you you can. Is the rewards feel great and my reward that day was feeling the energy, the spirit and the energies and, and you know, like everything just hitting you at once. It was a burst, it was one big burst and I was like, wow, I am home. It felt like home to me, it was so amazing.

NatNat : 22:57

So you know, having that much attention and energy, that's a high. Like that's a drug in itself and it takes a while to come down from that. Yet then, when you go into what you would say normal life, yeah, how do you deal with those lows? To still stay grounded within yourself and then not allow your mind to go in really dark places Because that was a significant high and not to have that anymore? It's like how do I feel myself in the monotony of life, the mundane of life?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 23:35

I don't know if I am strange for thinking this way, but I always know there will be other moments, I just don't know when. But I don't see it as a low, because with everything you have a noise period and you have a quiet period, and when I have my quiet time, I I have my quiet time. I also appreciate my quiet time. This is the time that I get to go back to the drawing board and I decide this is what I want to do next. This is the sound I want to take on. Next, this is the tour and the country I would like to go to. Next, you know, like is the planning stages? For me, I think the key is to keep uh, moving, whether it be like mentally planning or actually physically planning. So I'm always on to the next. Okay, what is the next? And I don't know if it's me searching for that.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 24:31

High still could be, yeah, but in that down period or that quiet time, I use that to to focus on everything else I have going on as well, you know, whether it be family or something new I want to take on, and I have a nine-to-five. Still, I can't do music full-time as yet. You know I'm still looking for an agent here in Europe, and you know so, when the bookings start to pick up a bit more than maybe one day, I would just say bye to my work. But, um, until then, work keeps me busy as well. Um, sometimes I think it does affect, uh, the other, because sometimes I would be at work and although my, my heart and brain are with music, I'm still always like bombarded with work things then, and there's no time to really sit and have that quiet time to think about music and to be creative. So sometimes that does take away from the creative process.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 25:30

And when the creative process kind of is taken away for a short while, then you really don't think or miss it per se.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 25:38

It's like, okay, I'm going through a day to day, sometimes a survival, uh, I don't know, it's a weird, weird, um, I don't even know how to explain it really but, um, I don't think of it. I don't ever think of myself as having a low, or of course I miss not constantly performing. But I know that there is a reason for the quiet and the downtime now as well, and in this time I use it to prepare for the next, what is next, what will come next, which is what I'm doing currently, even like I'm working now on compiling an EP, because I have a ton of unreleased music and now I'm working to release my EP. So it would be my first solid body of work all together on one, you know, in one place. So I'm kind of excited about that, and every time I talk about a new release or EP it's like it takes even longer. But you know it's coming, it's coming what do you think stalls?

NatNat : 26:42

because I've talked to several artists in barbados and they will say I'm, I'm gonna release and I'm gonna put a body of work and they do a little bit, yet the release isn't there. What do you think creates the resistance or the blockages from actually putting it out?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 27:00

um, well, speaking as from someone that used to live in Barbados, sometimes Barbados can make you feel like it is on a smaller scale, everything and um, although we have the internet and everything, people like, yeah, the whole world is reachable now, and I think sometimes it's hard to know how to go about something. I mean, you know in theory how to do it, but then without having the maximum support that you can, it is a bit more difficult. Um, without the backing or without the support is like okay, okay, I'm going to write a book and you have not one endorsement from another writer saying like hey, go, go get it. You know like you can do this. So it's like, as an artist in Barberos is you would think for me? I don't know. It would be be nice if sometimes other people were a bit more supportive of what you're doing.

NatNat : 28:00

Yeah.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 28:00

But then it's not their job either to kind of boost us. It's up to us to really push and see how far our project can go. But I think it would make things much easier, especially from smaller Caribbean islands, if we like take Jamaica, for instance, you have a Jamaican artist traveling and sometimes there is somebody opening the show for them and it just so happens that this person is turbulence now and they have a whole name and they're doing their own shows now because of that one show that they went on with Sizzler. You know, know like it's a tricky thing. So, in terms of the support, I think it makes projects easier if everybody was supporting it or everybody would get behind it.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 28:50

The money, the financial aspect of it as well, because, being from a small island, then you need to have that financial backer to really get out there and you know you pay for all the different ads and stuff online and to get it marketed. Maybe even like print a banner somewhere in another country and stick it up. And you know, like different things, different ideas I have. So for me, the one thing for me was always the financial, because I always knew I had the fight in me to do the extra push, with or without the support. Support is always necessary, but, with or without, I was willing to always do it and push it to the next level.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 29:28

Go to the radio stations, email the DJs, do the work, put in the work, go to the different events, put in a flash drive, sing, sing at at somebody's event. I don't know who they are, thank you. My name is savita gerbadian and I dropped two songs and I gone. You know like stuff like this, so sometimes I really rebel up the thing too. You know. Yeah, exposure is not always, is not always easy, and especially, like I say, in my field, um, and then being a female is is, uh, you know it has its challenges. So, yeah, I would say the support and the financial um, the financial backative as well, is what really is a, a stumbling block in a lot of people's way, but at least for me, you know I appreciate the uh honesty.

NatNat : 30:19

So, talking like this, you've shared the stage with people like beanie man and why clef, which are two legends in the game. Yeah, can you take us behind the scenes of the moments? And what did you learn that may have changed your path as an artist with performing with these two?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 30:39

um, so last question first, don't ever stop dreaming, because both of those things were not supposed to happen, but they did. Both things happened and they were not supposed to, and well, I can't say they were not supposed to, because the universe had it preordained that it would happen, I just didn't know. So to not stop dreaming is the first thing I would say, and nothing is out of reach and no person is bigger or smaller than you. We're all just here, existing, doing the same thing, trying to get through the same way, like you know, it's just there are different levels to this, you know, and everybody has their time. So, not to stop dreaming and, um, how it came about was then I had so with the Wyclef, uh, instance. Well, let me start the Beanie man, because with the Beanie man scenario, this is what I think really propelled or compelled me to want to be an artist in the first place.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 31:42

So I was at Reggae Summer Jam with my mom. I was 13, 12, 13, and we were standing in the crowd. Beanie man came on stage. All the songs I know, of course, because Caribbean girl, hello. So I was like yeah, bop, bop, was like yeah, but, but, but I in front row and I am partying and I enjoy myself, my mom enjoying the show too. We both just, you know, having a good time. And um, he came, and then I hear sim sim up, beanie, my daddy girls. I was like, oh my god, take the stars out the sky for you, girls. Damn Sugar remix with Maya. I was like, but he don't got no Maya there. And I was just closing my eyes. I was like I could be your girl, but I could hear my voice. I had my eyes closed. I could hear my voice. I was like I'm singing really loud. I opened my eyes. He in front of me with a microphone. I was like, no, with a microphone. I was like no way. Well, I was like I could be you and I continue partying, doing what I was doing, because I'm like, yeah, well, all right here, let me just continue what I was doing, because I really enjoying the show. He go down the line and he take the stars. He, every time it comes to the female part, he's trying to go to the the front of the line and like getting the girls to sing. They didn't know. He came back to me again because he was like yo, this girl noticed word for word, I could be your girl. I was like, yeah, enjoy myself, you know, be a just time. And then he went on stage. I was like, well, good that you know two minutes of excitement. I had a blast. That in itself I was satisfied with. And then I see in motion to the bouncer, some big man was there standing up, he's like her, bring her on the stage. I was like me, he's like you come.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 33:35

Before I really realized 100% what was going on on, my mother had her hand up under my, my porch, and pushed me over the barricade. And this is this is a, to just divert a bit, my mother has always been one of the biggest and strongest supporters ever of what she saw in me, even before I saw it in myself. She knew this girl is gonna do great things. I don't know exactly what yet, but I'm gonna support her or whatever. So with all the clubs that I was doing and everything, she was always supportive. You know, even it was the last dollar that I needed to pay for key club or whatever. She would give it to me. So this was always my mother. Um and so yeah, so fast track now.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 34:22

The bouncers then grabbed me from my mom, pulled me, finished pulling me over and lift me up onto the stage. And then now bini hosie mike, once he say, uh, you know the lyrics right, I see, you know the song, I was like, yeah, he said you ready, I said ready, ready. Mind you, my mother is telling me from reading my lips exactly what happened, because it was an outer body experience for me. That was like 13 and you got 35 000 people in front of you. Was like anybody that ever went reggae summer jam. If you lose a friend, you will be searching for that friend for hours. There's no way. It's like a sea of people, yeah, you know, and a cloud of smoke and you understand. So I'm like, I just watching it all playing out, so I'm outside of my body and he's like, I mean, I'm a baby, but I really want to tell you this and I was like, and I just did like, yeah, yeah, you know, like just moving, I, mind you, my mother's giving me a play-by-play of what I did. And then he, he does it, you're ready, good, take the stars out the sky for you. And I was just continuing along that line.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 35:33

We sing the song back and forth, back and forth, and then, when it was his part again. I remember this part. I remember just clapping my hands because I was nervous. It was nervous energy and I was just clapping and everybody was clapping at the same level and I was like, let me clap a little higher. And I started clap higher, everybody clapping higher. And I'm looking at everybody and they're like, yeah, they're following me and I'm moving to the side. They're moving to the side. And it's like I want to replicate this 20 million times if I can. This energy is what I need for my life.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 36:04

And it was kind of like a look at me, mom, and why I was thinking that and why I thought that when I went to africa was because of that particular moment. So it brought me back to that space where I said, wow, mom, look at me. So it was like a full circle moment for me. You know, like feeling that feeling again, knowing that I intentionally put that in the universe, that I want to feel this, and the universe has been so good to me, like yo, I'm gonna give you this feeling again and time and time and time again. So I was like look at me, mom. And that was the first day where I guess I was first or second day, but any any other days after that. People randomly were bringing water for me. They were asking me if I was hungry. When they see me in the crowd they were bringing snacks. I said I could get used to this.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 36:54

I could get used to this you know, and not me bringing water for my mom and her entourage. The cameraman was checking on me Like everything good, alles gut. Ja, I'm missing my water. Das all, ja, you want some more water. I was like I'm good, I'm good, thank you, it was so good. And then now, what was the next one? What were we talking about? And then now, what was the next one? What were we talking about? What was the second one? Wyclef, wyclef. So with Wyclef, now, this was really funny.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 37:23

A way of forgetting now is because these moments happen for me so much in my life, and it's not only about performances but in general. When I set intentional feelings, when I set something out into the universe, it comes to me, maybe not in the same way that I want it, but it comes back, which is why I believe in being good and being as natural as I can, because the universe will always read the intention for what it is, and if you do something with a pure heart and a clean, clean vibes is going to come back in some way or the other. Or you may see somebody else flourish and I'm like yo. I'm so happy for you, because that's what I was praying for for myself, and to see somebody else get it, then it's like perfect, you know. So to white clef no, I just had to add that in there, because all of these things are gonna give you a little piece of of the tabula puzzle like to understand a bit more why I do what I do, how I operate how I operate, and so with the white class situation, I had a dream and the song in the dream was Two Wrongs, with him and Claudette Ortiz. They say two wrongs don't make you right. So if I'm wrong, I ain't trying to fight Right. And that was a big song too in my day. Yeah, I did not know all the lyrics, but so the dream happened where he passed me like this is a real, vivid dream, like this was actually happening, right, and he passed in front of me and I was like can I perform with you? He was like, sure, come. And I performed with him and the night went great, or whatever I did, what any sane person would do I learned the lyrics to the song when I woke up. Like get ready, stay ready. So you don't go, get ready, right? Yes, exactly, stay ready. So I was like yo, I'm going to learn these lyrics and come to the fast forward now to Reggae on the Hill.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 39:24

I was a part of the show that day as well. We were earlier with the fully loaded band. It was me and Risa Buggy, daniel, yeah, and we were earlier in the day. Wyclef was later in the evening, so I just changed my clothes and then I was just enjoying the rest of the show. I see Wyclef walk from under the tent. I'm standing there. He walks right by. I was like hi, wyclef, and passes and and continues on to the stage. I was like this is not how it happened in my dream. You know, it was a bit confused. Like are you messing with me right now? And so I was like no, you know what, I can just enjoy the show. I saw him anyhow, you know. I got to see him. He passed by me Just how the dream said he would. It's just we didn't have the words. It's fine, I'm going to enjoy myself. So then, what I did.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 40:22

And that day, right, very important to note, there are two people that are truly respected in Barbados. Um, one, tamara Marshall, an excellent, top-notch vocalist from Barbados, tamara Marshall. And then there is Andrea King, who was working for the NCF at that time. Right, journalists, big in the arts, everything. So two respected women, and the two of them were sitting upstairs with me earlier in the daytime. We were eating, we were all eating in the same room and I said, listen, guys, um, no, me, and tomorrow upstairs eating. I told andrea later in the daytime. I told both of them this I sang in a thing with white clef. You know, I just don't know how yet, but today I'm singing with white clef. It was like okay, girl, go for it. You know so I, I kind of even was like I was pushing the universe like yo, hear me, help me. So I did it. I told her tamara, and then later I went downstairs and after the whole, before the scenario played out, andrea was downstairs and I was telling Andrea like yo, you know what would be great today if we get to perform Wyclef? I had a dream, you know, da-da-da, and I tell her exactly what I just told you. So, fast forward now.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 41:32

Wyclef passed, da-da-da-da-da, saw Andrea standing next to the stage. She was like, come stand up next to me. Then, you know, we're going to party together, no problem. So enjoying, enjoying, enjoying, two rungs. They strike it up, the song right Straight to you, nat.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 41:48

They start the song, he do a couple words and then they were going to move on to the next song, me and Andrea standing there and at that particular moment if I lie, I die he look over. I said I want to sing this song with you. He said come, nah, nah. I was on his side where they got the uming, yeah, and then they got the speakers. I was on a side, like that, and I was actually in between the scaffolding.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 42:23

When I tell you, I climbed the last part of the scaffolding to get over onto the stage. I climb up, went in between and I get on stage. I was on my knees and then I get up and I was like yeah. He was like yo, yo, you ready. He was like yo, yo, you ready. I was like yeah, and he started singing. I was like this is my moment. It was such an exciting moment for me. But what was funny was the look on Andrea's face. Then I come off the stage. Andrea King said girl, you's a sick ass. Not really in them words. But I was like yo, you told me, you did tell me. I was like, yeah, night ending.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 43:01

Now I see Tamara. Tamara said give me your number, I have something for you. Let me see the thing. She took a photo of the screen Because she was upstairs watching it from upstairs. Wow, yeah, so you told me I caught it on camera. I was like, wow, just like she took. Yeah, yeah, so you told me I caught it on camera. I was like, wow, just like, stick a photo. Yeah, yo, energy does not lie. When you put intentions and you set your intentions, best belief is gonna come exactly how it needs to come, and it doesn't matter about the entire in between. You just need to trust the process and don't get frustrated and don't give up. Just continue with the process and the almighty gonna deal with the rest. The universe, the powers that be, will deal with the rest 100.

NatNat : 43:47

I am a living testament to that yeah, I'm telling you, well, you've been named cultural reggae ambassador to maui. Which congratulations. That is a very huge title. It is, and it's not just a title, it's a responsibility and, as you had said before, with the conversation with the lady you come to see, like, what power you have for change. Yeah, what does the honor mean to you and how do you carry that role in your mirror, in your music and life?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 44:18

well mean the music and the message is a part of me and my art kind of imitates my life and it does the same for other people. They see what it means, they feel what it means and it kind of helps them. In turn, for me to be labeled a cultural ambassador anywhere is it means something and it means that I also have a responsibility which I took on, to put my best foot forward but also to help people to understand, like yo, this is who we are as a people, this is how we supposed to live, this is, you know, is is a energy and a vibe that I always try to bring with my performance. So, in any field, I think anybody appreciates getting an award for something that they do. It means that I'm kind of on the path that I'm supposed to be on and it reminds you that, yeah, you are there, keep pushing. Pushing, you know, and for because most of us have West African blood, most of us from the Caribbean have blood from West Africa for sure. So, like Ghana and all of these areas on the West Coast of Africa, right because of history and because of everything that happened, and when I say, I truly feel at home every time I've been to West Africa. I felt at home Every time. I have not been to the other parts yet, but this is in the works as well.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 45:52

Universe, I will do a tour. I will definitely do a tour and try to do, uh, expand a bit more, head a bit north, go a bit more to the you know the east as well and just explore and see and learn and feel, you know, because it's one thing to read about history and read about different places, but to actually be there and feel it, it explains more than what you can see or read in a book, if that makes sense, for sure, for sure, yeah. So for me, moving forward, it would be to kind of strengthen ties with africa. Um, I know they labeled me as cultural ambassadors. Tamale, I actually would like to do a bit more work there as well. You know, see if eventually we can also like curate programs, curate programs where we can get like barbadians, like an exchange program going, you know, with the arts and crafts community, with the musical community. You know they have some instruments that are, are, originated, that you know.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 46:57

I think history should not stop in the past, you know, with certain things, as it pertains to certain things. Yeah, like the music, the music side of things, the way they do their craft, the way they do it, why they do it that way, and the cultural exchanges. I think we have a lot that we can exchange as well. So I think this would be is always my dream, to kind of try to bridge the gaps in between, you know, the west and and the Caribbean, in particular Barbados. So this is one of my dreams for any time. I was a little girl, actually reading, like geographics and seeing Africa, especially in the national geographics I always wanted to, you know, know how I could go there or be a part or, you know, like see the animals and the safaris and then actually traveling there, meeting the people, hearing the music, eating the food is a whole vibe of itself. So, yeah, the cultural exchange and just being exactly that like representing the culture as best as they can, yeah, yeah, to simply put it.

NatNat : 48:02

So now I'm going to get into the. Who is Tabitha. So I'm going to ask you some introspective questions and some reflective questions. The first one is what is a truth about yourself that you once feared others would see? Yet now you stand in it fully.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 48:23

I think that would definitely have to be the power thing I was telling you about earlier. That is something where I used to dumb down a lot of who I actually was, because I was afraid to offend people. Um, whether it be negotiating or, you know, like just standing my ground on certain things, um, what I want to sound like, what I want to look like, um, and over the years, I became unapologetic in the way I was moving, because I know I was moving with a purpose and it was not for everybody to understand that purpose. There was this thing that I read too and I, every time I see it, kind of like chuckle cynically. It was like um, then the almighty, you and the almighty had a call. It wasn't a conference call, so it's not for everybody to understand, and every time I see that I was like you told them because everybody's not supposed to understand your calling. They're supposed to, however, be able to see yo like she on a mission, and to understand that yo, there's something bigger, a bigger, higher purpose there, because I'm not here to serve myself, you know, I'm here as a service to other people, and sometimes it's hard to just remain in that zone as well, because there's a fine line in between being a really self-involved and being uh, you know there's. There's a thin line between the two, because one sometimes appears as the other. Sometimes I need to go inside as well to give you the best of what you can get. So it's like explaining that to some people, sometimes too, like I don't have that time anymore and I think I explain myself a bit less or apologize a bit less and in my actions and what I do, and then down the line it's like oh, this is why such and such, or you know, and then they get it. But it's not for you to get it right away. If you don't get it right away, it's fine. But I don't need to take it personal if somebody feels offended in the way and how I respond or in the way and how I choose to do something, as opposed to how you told me how to do it.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 50:37

You know, and it happens with sometimes there was this one song in particular and I remember the person was saying like you shouldn't release this. This is not really going within reggae or whatever. It was more like a Sprilex kind of vibe. It was a rough and rugged. If you get a chance, listen to Surrender. It's not like any of the other songs I ever did, but to this day this is one of these songs that I really hold close to me too, because it's like yo tabitha you have different, you're multifaceted, is you're not staying in one zone only. You can do reggae and infuse it with anything else you want, or you can just do soka all together, or, if I want, I could just do afro like I can.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 51:21

I am an entertainer at the end of the day and I cannot be boxed. So I stopped being apologetic about mixing songs and doing different things too, because to date, surrender is one of my biggest songs as well, especially in Barbados. So it is not really about sometimes taking to heart. I think I have to remind myself not to take things personal, but also that I don't need to over-explain anymore. I am not at that stage anymore where I don't want to say, where I care to entertain it, but sometimes it comes with negativity and I don't really need to deal with that either. So I'd rather just do what I need to do and have the word speak for itself, as opposed to have to explain myself for the rest of my life. So I really unapologetic about that side of me now, like I rough and rugged. Okay, if that's what it is and that's what it takes, that's what it shall be and I'm not sorry for that. Yeah.

NatNat : 52:17

My next question will probably fall in line with this. If you could give your younger self permission to do one thing, what would it be?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 52:30

you got some good ones though a lot of mercy. If I could give myself younger, my younger self permission to do something, what would it be? I think maybe I would have traveled from earlier. Um, I you know what. I think I would just remind my, my younger self that everything would be all right and I will do things in the sequence and how I see it fit. Anyway, everything will work out how it's supposed to work out and, um, I should not worry as much. I think that would be the main thing, not to worry as much, because I had to grow up really fast from a young age and I was always worried about everything and everyone around me and I think it kind of shaped me into who I am now. So, and I don't regret that. But also there was a lot of worry and sad days that really could have been avoided had I known this. So I would just remind myself Just take it easy, everything is going to be okay.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 53:36

Even until you reach 38. Things will be alright. I think that would be it. Not anything real super philosophical or anything crazy, but that I think. As simple as it sounds, that would be my one thing. If I could remind my younger self or do something from a as it sounds, that would be my one thing. If I could remind my younger self or do something from a younger age.

NatNat : 53:55

It would be that if your pain could speak? What would it say to you today if my pain?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 54:02

could speak, I think it wouldn't speak, it would just cry still sorry, but um, again, it will be okay. You're gonna have days like this. Just get it out, let it out and get for it okay get through it and get over it.

NatNat : 54:24

What's a belief you once held tightly that you no longer believe in?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 54:28

I used to believe that people had good intentions always. That was a hard um a rude awakening. I still bump my my head on that wall sometimes still you know, because you have such good intentions in your heart, you believe people can see it and be like oh no, you know what? I would never want to hurt her. I would protect her. But it's, I would protect her. But it's giving Bambi vibes. You know, it's giving Bambi vibes. Bambi was cute, but what happened?

NatNat : 55:01

Yeah, it's a tough one to always remind yourself the way that you think other people don't think, Don't yeah.

NatNat : 55:08

And it's like remembering yes, we're all connected, we're all united, yet we're all on different ways of our path and different inner works. So it's really having to, you know, just remind, I still hit my wall, I still hit my head on that wall at times, and then it's like you've got to remember and then it's just whatever emotions get invoked, I no longer have to hide from them, I can feel my emotions and let them pass through, not suppress or repress or numb. It's like okay, feel that and it's okay to feel human and feel the hurt, feel the helplessness, feel the sadness, yet also recognize, don't identify with it. It's not your identity, it's a feeling and it's just giving you some information that's coming up I battle a lot with feeling the, the, the sense of stupidity like me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 56:04

I feel sometimes like I'm a bit slow in that department, because then I'm like how many times do you need for somebody to trick you or lie to you or to cheat from you or to steal from you in order for you to get that? Everybody is not going to be having good intentions towards you and some people are just really about themselves, like you know, and which is OK too. That's how they came up, that's the way they know how to deal with certain things. But at the end of the day I blame myself and I hold myself accountable and responsible because I should know better. But then how can you know?

NatNat : 56:46

this is how I feel. That's a protective emotion. You're protecting yourself from the sensitivity of, you know, a little bit of wanting to see the goodness in the world much when somebody tries to to pull one over on me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 57:15

You know, this is something that I really and this is something I constantly work with as well, whether it be with friendships, relationships, even the bank you wake up one day, 300 day and then minus 300. Like how did that happen? Yeah, you trick from left, right and center and it's like am I stupid, am I slow or what is it? You know, like I had good intentions and look at this now like why, why me, why this, why no? And then is when everything comes into play that I was telling you before. I need to remind myself. It's just a moment. Yeah, do you trust yourself? Trust yourself, I do a lot, okay, but then I also doubt myself a lot. So it's like two sides of the same sword, you know.

NatNat : 58:01

Yeah, it's the part that is doubting that needs the maturity of trusting yourself more, of listening to your intuition and not seeking on the outside of that validation and security.

NatNat : 58:10

Because if somebody's telling you something and you're not really listening to your intuition and not seeking on the outside of that validation and security, because if somebody's telling you something and you're not really listening to your intuition, you're hoping that they'll bring you the safety and security of being seen and bringing you the thing that you're looking for. In safety and security it doesn't mean always money or status. It could just be a sense of safety in your body that you finally recognize and you see me and I don't have to work so hard that you can provide that for me. Because if you said you had to mature at a very young age, there's some of your childhood that was missed, of being taken care of if you were taking care of others. So then that wound goes and seeks on the outside. Can somebody just take care of me now, like I'm tired of doing this for myself. So it's a bit of a mixture, if that makes sense to you.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 59:01

That is the absolute story in my case, that is, you just explained what it is, exactly what I feel, exactly what it always, always is and what is the scenario with me? Because, at some point, who takes care of the person? That is the caretaker you know, and then, having to come to the realization, you may very well have to take on that role for yourself too and accept that you have to take care of yourself and you have to know when to shut yourself off. There are times when I just go silent for months. You will not even see a post like. If you check my Instagram, you will see there is a few and far in between in terms of the months that I post, and sometimes I just need to sit back and relax and just take a moment for me, because, mentally, sometimes I need to do that and I realize that and and it's not everything that you will be healed from, from the past or the present instantly, and we, we are a work in progress and every time we breathe is another chance to better that thing that was done to us or that thought that we were thinking. So it's always a chance, this. I can do something different. I can choose to do something different, because I still have this. When this stops, then it stops with that, you understand. So it's real funny.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:00:31

I actually wanted to study psychology. I never, never, went through the process. I didn't even bother to continue or to go to college. I got opportunity to travel the Caribbean for two years, singing and acting and doing a school play with a group, and this is what I chose to do. I still have my badge and everything paid, the money, everything to go to college and I was going to do sociology and business for for German, a German for business and tourism, these two things. And but I say all that to say, from young I knew I had to follow a path that suited me and I just wish that I could try to have some kind of clear path, always as to be accepting the unsure but knowing that it will work out, as long as I put my best foot forward. And I try to do this in all aspects. Yet again, like with relationships, with everything. But then there are some times that I do get the reminder, like everybody, like I said, does not have the best intentions, and this is just a part of life and we move.

NatNat : 1:01:39

Yeah, yeah, it's uh, just always reminding yourself that you know there's regression in healing. Everybody thinks it's always moving forward, moving forward. Yet if you don't have the regression, you don't really have the learning, because it isn't about perfection, it's about understanding and not separating. And when life lives, these emotions are going to come up because they've been a part of your pattern, your habits, your character, and it's been a sense of protection. Yet, as you said, if I can ground myself in my breath and recognize, wait, I don't have to go back into that part of me. I can choose something different for myself. Yet the only way I can do that is if I'm actually feeling my authentic emotions, so I can know what is going on internally and things aren't hijacking my behavior and my perception of myself with others.

NatNat : 1:02:31

You know it's really allowing yourself to take space in a world that like says, oh, just a little bit. It's like no, there's no such thing as too much space. It's like you're allowed to take up space, you're allowed to shine your light and share it with people and then also recognize not everybody. You know there's envy, there's jealousy, and that's one of the defects of human and that's what it is to be human also. We do it also, even if you think you don't. We all do it in little parts. So it's really that understanding of that inner work and that it's a journey to walk yourself home and to walk that journey with other people of always remembering we're all walking each other home. So when we create community and support each other and recognize, okay, this time it's you're, you're on stage and we're all going to support you, next time it's them. But it recognizes everybody has a part, it's not having to be this independent and it's just me. It's really understanding. Yet that's again something that's difficult to do in society. I fight with this.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:03:38

I fight with this one a lot in particular, because sometimes it feels and you would know certain things and you would hear certain things, and it's like, okay, then do I just forgive what I've heard and the person that said it and just move on and know that we are all here for one another and we are not here alone on planet Earth to just exist. We are here for something bigger. We are here to help each other in any way that we can. So how can I do this when my neighbor is trying to to shoot me down every chance they get? And it's the same thing with with music and artists and it's like, oh, I've been doing this now for over 20 years.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:04:21

There are some people that are further along than me and sometimes the thought can can come to your brain like, hey, why am I not in such and such and such? And then I need to pull myself up real fast. I'm like there are times that you were places and done things, that people were older than you and looking at you and be like, why you? So it's it's you know, it's always something that you, you have to be mindful of. It comes down to giving yourself the patience and the peace, to understand everything and to process it and to deal with everything in humility and to be humble at the same time. Because there's a saying, but I say it a different way, because to whom much is given, much can be taken away.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:05:17

It's something similar to this, but this is the version that I use for myself, so I never put myself in a position where, like I am taboo to a Jeopardian and you know I meet some people like that I'm like yo, dude, you really have not done anything yet, just relax. Yeah, you know you, you have not done anything yet. Like me, you, you and travel the. I have not traveled the corners of the world yet. How can I boast of being accomplished and people in Asia don't know my name or don't know my music? Like, I'm being realistic, like okay, and sometimes you would send a proposal to perform at a festival or whatever, because I am my own manager. Because, remember, I tell you I'm looking for an agent, but I'm doing everything. But why do we select you? What do you have to show us? Who are you?

NatNat : 1:06:20

Why do we have to pay you this amount of money, and then I have to feel like, okay, no, you do.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:06:23

It brings me back to a small stage. Yeah, I feel like a beginner, you know. Yeah, but it's taking it one step at a time and understanding yo, I will reach the lives that I need to reach. It is not for the popularity that I'm doing it. It will take time and especially when you're trying to do things the honest way and to do things with a clean conscience and a pure heart, you know exactly what I mean.

NatNat : 1:06:49

That's what I want to ask you. I want to ask you how, to ask you how has it been, as a female, with the sexuality, because, as a female, you're asked to dress or perform or be a certain way to attract where it's like. How has that experience been?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:07:05

for you. Let me tell you when I started to understand a bit more about that fully when I was doing um, so I started off doing actually social commentary and hip-hop, right, and then from there I graduated to soca music. Now when I would go to any show or whatever, like, I had a song that was starting to get a lot of buzz and the chorus went oh you look so sexy and you got big muscle baby. And then there was another one that I had of that same year was like hold on, wind down to the ground, you're fit and you're strong. Watch the big fat, heavy bumper again you. I think you could see the line that I going down with this. So every time I would go out now I obviously would not feel comfortable wearing short pants. That was never me. You know. I don't mind wearing the clothes, fitting clothes, because you know sometimes you won't feel a little sexy or whatever.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:08:02

It started when I was performing them songs. It started to become mandatory if I wasn't dressed a certain way, people will automatically lose interest. So I started to think one or two things. Is it the people that came before me, how they dressed, and I'm supposed to emulate them, or is it because people really don't want to hear the music, they just want to see the simple. And then this started to play on my brain, brain. But when it really started to annoy me is when the the other song now heavy bumper, hold on heavy bumper started to become really popular to the point where I would get paid, like sometimes, let's say, 300 US to sing this song for two minutes. One song, two minutes, 300 US minimum fee and just leave Easy.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:09:05

And you got sometimes in the crop over season. I'm sure you've been there during the season before and you see how much events we got. Sometimes you got five events in one day. You're like, oh my gosh, there's a breakfast party, there's a brunch party, then there's a boat cruise and they performing at all, yeah, and then it's like at what point I really started to feel uncomfortableelf is the point when people were addressing me as, oh, heavy bumper girl, and then I was thinking I think it was on my way actually to a performance, after a very popular Calypsonian said you need to dance a bit more on stage and it's something about it. It just it was a male as well.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:09:52

Well, and it started to annoy me because I was like why do I have to dance more than I already did? Because according to my standards, I already did too much. So I was fighting against the grain of my moral um, my morale and and the things that I knew myself to be. I was already battling with that. So then, when he told me that, then it set me back years because I was like was I not good enough? What was the problem? I'm not dancing, so it means the song wasn't good, or it means my body wasn't good enough, or what was the issue at that point? And I get in the car and I said and I was like you know what, if I was to die tonight, tonight, if I was to drop dead, what would people remember from my last performance? What would they remember of me? What did I leave on this earth of Tabitha, besides heavy bumper? And that put things in perspective. So much for me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:10:49

And I was just like to the point where somebody actually suggested to me I should give somebody else's song. Let them compete in the oh yeah, it gets better. Let them compete in the party monitor. Mind you, this time the song was building, yeah, it was gaining momentum and traction. Give the other girl the song, let her perform it and then we can split the winnings. She doesn't have your voice. But so for me, right? I tell you, that wasn't even a thought for me. My first thought was what's wrong with my body? So, mind you, this was at a time when I was, you know, I had just like, started out, I was starting to create a buzz for myself, just joined a band as well, popular soca band. So I was trying to really, you know, fit the mold.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:11:38

And then I start to realize, like this in this in it, and then I started to do backing vocals then. So I thought that I was like me, and this is the last year doing this, and if I do soka again or calypso, it's gonna be like social commentary, where actually people sit down and listen for the bars and listen for the lyrics and listen for what's coming and they don't expect to have a sexual, uh person in front of them. They have, you know, they're listening to the lyrics and you're judged on your lyrics. This is what I would honestly do again, because that part I had as well and I started to gain traction in that field. So actually, at that point I started to pay more attention to the social commentary as opposed to the power soaker and the groovy soaker. So then I started to really veer away from it. It wasn't necessarily for me.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:12:26

And then now in this day and age you got groovy soaker and power Soka that has such powerful messages in it and I'm like, wow, yeah, if back then they used to accept it, then probably I could have done such and such and such. You know, spilt milk, that's done with. I know I would never do that again because I ain't going on stage. I'm going to flaunt myself unless I feel it's natural to do so, and if it is, I feel like I'll force something. Then I can't give you an authentic performance. Or I can't give you authentic Tabitha Gerbadian if I go and pretend that I enjoy a performance that I really do not.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:13:00

And that song it was a good song but it wasn't for me. So I guess me receiving that he wanted the girl to perform the song was kind of him foreseeing. Yo, you're not comfortable in this, but you hear how he brought it across. But years later I started to realize maybe he had a point, maybe he understood that she would have been more comfortable doing this song than I do and she would have been able, maybe even not vocally, but body wise and visual wise, and what she was willing to do. He knew her and he knew she would have done what she needed to do for the song. It wasn't me and I think it came across so, but this came in like years later of understanding myself a bit better, understanding, like again, who has good intentions, who has bad intentions, who may portray something that you may take the wrong way but actually has a good intentions for you because it's business, that's the thing business doesn't have emotions and sometimes we get emotional and it's like it.

NatNat : 1:13:59

I just see the money, that's it. Dollars and cents. Dollars and cents, that's it. You know. There's no integrity in it yeah.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:14:05

So I have to go through that as well in order to understand where I wanted to be and what made sense for me as an artist. And with reggae music I never had to skin out, I never had to shake my ass and if I wanted to, it was a part of the performance and I wanted to give them that at that point in time.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:14:25

And it came willingly and they saw it and they were like yo, and then it was more so of a, um, free will, and then it was taken as something spontaneous, not as, oh, she has to shake her ass yeah, that's what she's known as you know, yeah, and so, if god forbid something was to happen to me, I have a few songs you can listen to and say, oh, I can kind of understand the kind of person tabitha was, you know, and that's, that's all I really want, because it's supposed to be the message reaching the people, and not people looking at me like, oh, sex symbol and many people tried to manage me before too and was kind of trying to say, well, this is what we would have you look like, this is what you need to do.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:15:08

Uh, you need to lose weight, you need to da da, da, da, da, da, and I you need to da-da-da-da-da-da, and I'm like, hey, it's good, pump the brakes. I, no, sorry, cannot, cannot, cannot, can't work for me, yeah, can't work for me. You got to know what you need, what you want, and being overlooked and underlooked for so much of my life it being overlooked and underlooked for so much of my life it kind of molded me into knowing exactly what I want, what I'm willing to stand for and what I'm willing to accept and what will be a no-go for me, an absolute no-go. And I've turned down some really nice contracts before as well, but it always required something or the other, and then I was like nah, that's not for me, that's definitely not for me, you know so I know time and we've gone over our time yet.

NatNat : 1:16:01

I know this has been such a refreshing conversation. Yeah, and I appreciate your honesty and transparency. Where can the listeners find you where? Where can they, you know, take you in? I just want to, I just want to give this. We were at QP and if anybody has been at QP, it's right beside the cliff, and because it's beside the cliff, they have to have the noise level at a certain point.

NatNat : 1:16:29

Let me tell you, tabitha was going to bring out and I was looking forward to feeling that, yet risa had to give her a nudge and be like no, no, no, no, no, because we will get in trouble and the sound guy came and talked and everything else and it's like that hinders the um natural part of an artist that wants to share and really dive into that energy and I was like darn it, why couldn't she just belt out and we could feel it all? Yet I understood the politics of what the restaurant was. Oh yeah, I catch everything, tabitha.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:17:08

It was funny, you know, and I thought the reason after that, I like it was coming for me that was coming I was like, let her, let it loose.

NatNat : 1:17:17

Let it loose, please. Like I said, that whole night people were energized, people were up off of their tables and coming to dance and I was like, is it always like this? And they're like, well, no, but not always like this. You know, you just melted into the band and you also, you know, didn't overpower, like you shared the space with everybody and that is that takes a humility, because when you know that you have certain strengths, yet you're still sharing the space, that takes a craft. So I just wanted to highlight that I did see that and I I'm like I didn't get to enjoy that. Like I just wanted to highlight that I did see that and I I'm like I didn't get to enjoy that. Like I really wanted to feel that. Uh, yet I will take you in um again when I am on the Island or anywhere in the world.

NatNat : 1:18:02

For sure, for sure you let the listeners know your info and where you can be and how they can contact you.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:18:14

So right now, um on my instagram is where I am like the most active. Um. I'm working on being active in other spaces, but the music is available on all platforms. Um, but right now I post all of my immediate stuff on my email address and everywhere you can contact me and stuff my link tree is on my, linked into my um instagram, so that's tab. That's at gerbadian, so g-e-r-b-a-d-i-a-n, gerbadian and um youtube. If you want to see any of the videos or my you know visuals or anything that I do that I really like and I post it there. It's tabitha, gerbadian, so it's t-a-b-i-t-h-a and then gerbadian, g-e-r-b-a-d-i-a-n, and then the music is everywhere. If you just type in tabitha gerbadian, I think I'm the only one still in the world. Really, two names, um, yeah, together, so you will see how that goes.

NatNat : 1:19:07

But um, yeah, that's where you can find me I want to ask do you do speaking on mental health or anything like that?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:19:15

no, because I don't like. Some days I don't even consider myself as mentally healthy.

NatNat : 1:19:21

Oh, well, I think I have a lot to offer, especially um artists in that space of what resilience looks like and being honest, not trying to portray something that you're not. I think people that were in the mental health space they actually are, you know, vulnerable of letting you know I'm still doing the work.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:19:41

There's no like arrival of perfection right if I could do it with that knowledge in mind and I let you know. Yeah, look, I'm a work in progress too, but if you have any questions ever like anybody hearing this and you ever want to reach out and you know, just bounce ideas off of me or, you know, to try to figure out what's the next step or anything I can do to help, because I don't know it all. I just can tell you from what I've learned and and what I continue to learn and what I think, um, I will grow into. I can see a vision and a goal for myself and I think is a good place to start.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:20:19

But if anybody ever needs, um, you know, a word or whatever, like I'm, I'm very open and I'm very reachable and responsive as well. So even if you want to send me a dm on on instagrambadian, it's fine, it's no problem. Like I said, we're all here together to succeed in whatever way we can. Whatever that means to you, let's do it. You know what I mean. I don't mind at all speaking or working with or you know, in terms of mental health forums. I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, but Never know, you never know.

NatNat : 1:20:55

I'm not sure I'm quite there yet, but never know, you never know. I'm just bringing it out there just as a possibility being able to speak about it. Yeah, now, reflecting on this conversation that we had, what is one word that stands out for you of how it felt?

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:21:08

I can't use one word, but I can give you a sentence yeah, it was thought-provoking for me. It was an honest conversation as well. There's your one word honest, um, enlightening and encouraging. Because, you know, sometimes we talk about our stories, we talk about things we go through. It may not necessarily mean anything to us at that point because it's not that it doesn't mean anything but it's like okay, we've already been through that emotion, we can talk about it freely. We've done the work, been through the steps, you know. But then when you say it again and somebody is there like sometimes I will talk about my life, for instance when I was growing up people, they're in tears. I'm like why are you crying? Why, why, why is a sad face, you know? But then I need to realize like, okay, yeah, it was not a normal situation and although I've worked on it, it may trigger somebody else or they may look at it and be like oh, I'm so sorry for you. Like I don't want pity, I've, I've already worked through it, you know. So in talking to you it kind of reminded me of that, like when you just said it.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:22:17

Like me, I could never see myself being a speaker anywhere. I mean, I went back to my old school and let them know like, yeah, don't give up, because I started hearing the music program. And look at me now like I travel to do music. I, you know I do what I love. So I went as an inspiration, a success story, which I'm not even really am yet, you know, like I, you are, but no, I'm still working. You know I'm still a work in progress, so I'm not fully there yet, but I can see the goal and the vision, you know.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:22:46

So in in talking to them then they were like, oh, wow, you know it's so cool. I said, yeah, pretty cool, you know. So stay in school, do music. Music is a good uh vessel for you. Um, I would do more so school speaking, but in terms of speaking to adults, I'm still learning how to be a proper adult. Okay, I hear you. I hear you, I laugh way too much at things that should not be funny. And I'm just like look, laugh it off and keep it moving, you know.

NatNat : 1:23:16

Yeah, keep it moving. I get that, I understand.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:23:18

Yeah.

NatNat : 1:23:20

Well, I want to thank you for being here, being transparent and sharing your energy, even sharing your voice with me and the listeners, and I also want to thank you for doing the alchemy, taking those impurities of your life and transforming them into gold, and not keeping that gold to yourself You're sharing it with others. So thank you for doing that work and sharing it with the world. Your light means so much and your voice sends a frequency out to lift people up and let them be seen. So thank you, tabitha.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:23:51

And thank you so much for having me and speaking of light.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:23:54

You yourself, like we haven't known each other for that long and we met through Risa, another energetic, pure-spirited person, and from the time I met you, it was an instant, you know, it was the instant energy between us and we didn't know each other, but we smiled, we hugged, hi nice to meet you. But you could feel the energy and the pure intentions there, you know, and that I'm very aware of as well. So thank you for your light and for being, you know, a bright light, for even in the platform now, you know, giving other people a platform and a voice and understanding that there is a necessity for certain things or to say certain things. And, like I, I said, we're not alone. And you, you know, you clearly bring out, brought whatever was in there, it was coming out. So I thank you, and it's not all interviews that would have gone this way had it not been for the personality asking me the questions. So I thank you for your light as well and thank you for inviting me thank you.

NatNat : 1:24:51

Please remember to be kind to yourself.

Tabitha Gerbadian: 1:24:54

I will try that. It's a daily practice. I will work on that. I promise you. I will work on that.