The Messy Art of Being Human (Without Losing Your Mind)

Ever feel like the world's chaos is threatening to overwhelm you? You're not alone. In this heartfelt conversation with Ed Garrity, who has spent three decades helping people navigate life's transitions, we explore what it truly means to find clarity and confidence amid uncertainty.

The constant pull between past regrets and future anxieties leaves many of us struggling to stay present—exactly where our power lies. "We try to control things we actually don't have control over," Ed shares from his own experience supporting aging parents while running a business and raising a family. This juggling act taught him the essential practice of returning to the present moment through breath awareness, nature connection, and daily gratitude.

What struck me most in our conversation was Ed's insight about isolation versus connection. When facing difficulties, many of us retreat inward instead of reaching out—a pattern that begins in adolescence but follows us throughout life. "One of the most courageous things you can do is ask for help, even if you don't know what that help is," he recalls a high school student telling him. This vulnerability requires more strength than going it alone, especially for men conditioned to "power through" challenges.

We also explore how celebrating progress rather than fixating solely on outcomes builds sustainable confidence. Ed admits, "One of the biggest mistakes I've made is getting so focused on the result that I forget to celebrate the effort along the way." This perfectionistic trap robs us of present joy while undermining our resilience.

Perhaps most powerfully, Ed reminds us that when uncertainty looms, curiosity serves us better than scrambling for passion. "It's not passion first, it's curiosity first," he explains. This openness to exploration creates the space where inspiration naturally emerges, allowing us to take positive risks rather than playing it safe.

Ready to transform your relationship with change? Listen now, and discover how to navigate life's transitions with the clarity, confidence, and purpose you deserve. Your future self will thank you for the peace you cultivate today.

Connect with Ed here : www.edgerety.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome and Introduction
• 5:07 Navigating Life's Transitions
• 10:57 Finding Presence in Chaos
• 18:43 The Power of Connection
• 27:56 Celebrating Progress, Not Just Results
• 35:28 Building Confidence Through Curiosity
• 43:49 The Power of Choice

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Welcome to the Lift Win Self podcast. I'm your host, nat Nat, and today I have a guest. He is Ed Garrity and we're going to talk about, you know, the chaos that's going on in the world. We're going to talk about what it looks like to be gentle and have grace, and also, how can we put into our self-confidence, how can we put into trusting ourselves and taking those leaps, you know, going into the unknown and uncertainty. So, ed, would you be willing to introduce yourself to myself and the listeners before we start this?

Speaker 2: 0:32

Sure. Thank you, nanette. I'm so excited to be here and have an opportunity to spend some time with you and with all of your listeners. For the past three decades now, I've had the privilege of working with students and educators and businesses, talking about how do we navigate life's transitions with clarity, confidence and purpose, and that's been my great work in the world. That's what I've been doing, and so I'm passionate about what I talk about, and I've done that through my keynote presentations, through workshops, leadership trainings and through my books, and also through my podcast as well.

Speaker 1: 1:08

Okay, so before we get into this, would you be willing to do a mindful moment so we can ground ourselves and open up?

Speaker 2: 1:15

I would love that.

Speaker 1: 1:16

And for the listeners as you always hear, safety first. Don't close your eyes if you're driving, but all the other prompts you're able to follow. So, ed, if you'll get comfortable in your seating and if it's safe to do so, gently close your eyes and you're going to begin breathing in and out through your nose, bringing your awareness to watching your breath, not trying to control the rhythm, just allowing it to be in its natural state, allowing it to guide you into your body. There may be sensations or feelings coming up, and that's okay, let them come up. You're safe to feel. You're safe to let go, surrender the need to control, release the need to resist and just be, be with your breath, drop deeper into your body.

Speaker 1: 2:18

Now there may be some thoughts or to-do lists that have popped up in the mind, and that's okay. Gently, bring your awareness back to your breath, creating space between the awareness and the thoughts and dropping deeper into the body, being in the space of presence, the space of being. Again, more thoughts may have popped up. Gently, bring your awareness back to your breath, beginning again, creating even more space between the awareness and the thoughts and completely surrendering into the body, into presence, into presence, into being, while keeping that awareness, with your breath and being in your senses and in this moment, at your own time and at your own pace. You're going to gently open your eyes while staying with the breath. How is your heart doing?

Speaker 2: 3:33

My heart is open.

Speaker 1: 3:34

So you mentioned for the past three decades that you've been helping others go through transitions. You know life always lives and what we expect that story gets demolished and then we have to pivot. Can you share something in your own personal experience where you've had to actually use your own words and put it to the walk? Can you share where that vulnerability has helped you to better relate with your clients and the people that you're speaking with?

Speaker 2: 4:04

better relate with your clients and the people that you're speaking with. Sure, I mean the first thing that comes to mind now, and that is when I was helping my parents as they were getting older and dealing with different illnesses and ailments and they needed more and more help, and so my parents lived very close to me and so I really was. A lot of my energy and attention went to trying to really help them navigate that towards the end of their life. And so to be, to be able to navigate that also by raising, also at the same time raising a family and and also as an entrepreneur, running my own business. It was.

Speaker 2: 4:40

It was a lot of energy and attention on that my parents were, I was, so I was so close to my mom and my dad you know they both have passed away now, but at that time there was, there was so much stress, there was a lot of chaos, a lot of uncertainty, and in that there was a lot of love and grace.

Speaker 2: 4:57

But I had to stay centered in that and there were moments where I got off center and got overwhelmed and stressed and anxiety and that chaos that I was experiencing at certain times is kind of what a lot of people are going through right now in their life and in their world, and so one of the things that I had to do to navigate that was really what we just did a moment ago was I had to center myself, I had to get back into the present moment.

Speaker 2: 5:24

What we just did a moment ago was I had to center myself, I had to get back into the present moment, because I think when we're dealing with chaos, oftentimes what we do is we go to the past or we go to the future and we try to control things that we actually don't have control over. So it was a great life lesson for me to focus on what I can control and to let go of what I can't, and to bring grace and space around people and where they're at in their life and what they're going through, and what am I responsible for and also what am I not responsible for.

Speaker 1: 5:49

As a male, you know there's a different way that you're showing up in the world. And males, sometimes strength is powering through and just bulldozing. In this experience that you had, where did you soften and where did you allow the sensitivity to be felt?

Speaker 2: 6:15

It's a great question, because sometimes what happens when we're faced with challenges in our life? We have a tendency sometimes to pull back and isolate ourselves, and you even see that right now, with a lot of the changes that are going on in the world, that instead of reaching out, people are pulling back and we isolate ourselves. I spent all these three decades spending a lot of time with teenagers speaking at middle schools and high schools, and that's one of the things that teenagers struggle with is that when they're going through a challenge in their life, instead of seeking support and help, they tend to isolate themselves. Well, that pattern doesn't stop for us when we get out of middle school, high school, college. That's a pattern that people go through their whole life still doing that, especially even as males, and so one of the things that really helped me navigate those challenges was in the beginning, or there are certain moments when I would I pull myself back and say I can do this on my own, or I'll figure this out, or I'm going to stay private and guarded, and then say then you know what.

Speaker 2: 7:07

Actually I'm not going to do this alone. I really need to seek support and I need to seek connection. I need to make sure that I'm surrounding myself with those positive people in my life that can have a stand for me, that have a listening for me, that give me grace, that give me love, and I think that's so. So, if there's someone right now that's that's going through some really difficult changes in their life and going through a difficult transition, I really would strongly encourage them. Yeah, you have to seek that support, you have to be able to seek that connection. And, uh, as a as a senior in high school once told me at an assembly I after, after a program I did she said you know Ed? She said to me she was. I've been through a lot in my life and she said you know what? I realized One of the most courageous things you can do in life. I said what's that she said to ask for?

Speaker 1: 7:55

help, even if you don't know what that help is, and I thought that was such a great life lesson. Yeah, I was just about to say that because my son's psychologist, when he would do speakings with the schools he's the one thing I would love to leave this earth and let children know is, and even adults is. The strongest thing you can do is ask for help, and many of us we've been taught to figure it out on our own, just bulldoze it on your own, especially when you know my generation.

Speaker 1: 8:18

Emotions weren't tolerated as much, so it was like go deal with it in your room and when you're all fixed up, come back out. So it was like go deal with it in your room and when you're all fixed up, come back out. So it's like but there's these emotions I don't even know how to engage with or understand. And so you know you said it bang on about the patterns that once you start isolating, that just is a default for the nervous system of like okay, this is, this is safety, this is comfortable, I can predict it, so let's just stay here to open ourselves up to the possibility that somebody else could show us a different way and could love us. In the messiness can feel very viscerally uncomfortable.

Speaker 2: 8:58

Absolutely not. And I think it also goes back to what we just did a moment ago of presenting ourselves, of getting centered. Because I think right now in the world that we live in, in this fast-paced technological-driven world, we're so connected 24-7 that I really believe that because of that connection to that technology that we're getting pulled into the past, that we're getting pulled into the future, it's fear, it's going back to guilt and to shame, and so it's so important for us to be in the present moment. And the question then is how do we be in the present moment right here, how do we not get pulled into the past or pulled into the future? And you just did it with us here a moment ago.

Speaker 2: 9:49

I think the first thing you do to get in the present moment is you have to be aware of your. You get your power of your breath, of being aware of your breath, but taking the time to be quiet and to taking the time to really to get, to get outside and to connect with nature If it's just a quick walk or to get outside and just connect with with earth, to connect with the environment around us. Because if we don't have the, if we don't have that present moment, awareness. Then we are we get pulled into that chaos and we get pulled into that disruption that takes us off course.

Speaker 1: 10:14

Yeah, I'm presently revamping my website and editing a media kit, trying to do a workshop. So just getting engaged with it and I see myself just continuously go, go, go. And there's so much that you can do and it's like, oh, you've waited too long and why? And now it's like depression, it's like I'm thankful for the tools that I have, that I can just back away, like take a breath for a minute, back away, just get re-centered, because there is a draw to it. There is never ending of possibilities, of what can be improved, what can be saved, what can work out, what is new.

Speaker 1: 10:55

Yet, if you're not in the present moment, are you really living? Are you really feeling the fullness of who's around you, what's being experienced right now? Because you know that carrot with a donkey chasing the carrot that you never get to eat, that's a real thing that goes on in the world and that's what many of the industrial complexes use to have people control that you have that fear of not enough. So when you reach this, then you'll get safety. When it's like no, create the safety right now. Create the safety in your body. What I do is help people to come out of their head, to come back into their body, which can feel very uncomfortable because there's a lot of stuff stored there that you haven't wanted to feel. So you know, how do you take care of yourself in this chaos right now.

Speaker 2: 11:48

Part of it is staying in the present moment. But, once again, how do you stay in the present moment? Because it's so easy to say, well, just be in the present moment, be here now. And we covered a couple things. One is the power of breath. One is taking the time to just get quiet, to connect with nature, one of the things that I do, and it's a daily practice of really creating that practice of gratitude in my life, of being aware of what am I grateful for right now, what am I grateful for right now, and really getting present to that of like. I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for my kids. I'm grateful for my friends. I'm grateful for where I live. I'm grateful that I feel safe right now. I'm grateful for my friends. I'm grateful for where I live. I'm grateful that I feel safe right now. I'm grateful for all the opportunities that lie before me.

Speaker 2: 12:29

I think it's really important to have a daily practice of gratitude in our life, because I think it's celebrating even the small things or the big things, but it reframes the day. It does, and I think it sets you up to win the day, and it sets you up even to win the next day, but to really bring that into your life. What am I grateful for right now, and then to express that gratitude to the people around us. That's one of the things that I do every day is I really take that time to be like what am I grateful for right now? I also take the time to journal, journaling when we have. Do I journal every day? No, but I do take the time to journal consistently a few times a week. But I do take the time to journal consistently a few times a week and that gets me present again. I've got to put my thoughts out.

Speaker 2: 13:09

Two years ago, I took a 200-hour yoga certification to be a yoga teacher power yoga and that taught me so much about connecting the mind to the body, to the spirit, and it is a holistic approach. And I think the other thing that really has helped me navigate that chaos and that change that's going on in the world is, I think we have to have a strong sense of faith, of spirituality. Whatever that faith is, there has to be a connection to something higher, something more. There's something more powerful out there that we're connected to For me, I call it God, but for anyone but there has to be that higher connection, that we're all connected in this world, that we're not alone, we're actually together, and I really believe that it's united, we stand. It's divided, we fall.

Speaker 1: 14:02

If there's a listener right now and you could whisper to them and they're sharing with you that they feel like they're failing, what would that whisper be to them?

Speaker 2: 14:12

so focused on the goal itself or, oh, if I have this then I'll be happy, or when I get there, then I'll be happy. And we're in this constant strive mode of getting to something or getting somewhere that we're not acknowledging the progress that we're making along the way, that we're actually not really giving ourselves the credit of what we've accomplished and how far we've come. I think it's one of the biggest. I think it's one of the biggest mistakes that I, that I, that I've realized and I've done, I've done it in my life and I in the, in the individuals that I've worked with, in terms of their, their striving to achieve success, is that they get so focused on the result, nat, nat, that they that they forget to celebrate the, the effort and the progress along the way. And and if you don't celebrate the effort, if you don't celebrate the progress, you know, if you're only focused on the goal, that's when you get caught in that trap of perfectionism and you try to start to say everything has to be perfect because I have to reach the goal. You know, jim Rohn always said it's not just about the goal, it's about who you become and what you experience on the way towards that goal, even with our kids are no longer kids, they're young adults now. But even going through school, we didn't focus completely on the grade. Yeah, the grade was important, but we never really focused on the grade as much as we focused on the effort and how hard they worked and taking the time to do the homework. And because we did that, they didn't get too stressed about the grades and they ended up having great grades. But because they there wasn't the pressure on that, it was more about who they were becoming along the way. Um, the other thing I think it's important is when you talk about celebrating the effort. Well, how do you celebrate the effort?

Speaker 2: 15:59

Um years ago, I did, I did some work with strategic coach um in toronto, canada, uh, with with Dan Sullivan, and one of the things that he shared with us was create a positive focus. You know what are the positive things that happened to you today, or what are the positive things that happened to you for the week and literally for the last, almost now 10 years? Every week, my wife and I will do a positive focus. We will. I'll do my top 10, my top 10, 12, 13 things are positive personally, professionally, and I'll do my top 10, 12, 13 things that are positive personally and professionally, and I'll write those down and then my wife will do the same and then we share them and you take a deep breath because you're like, wow, most people we do so much in a week and someone says, what did you do this week?

Speaker 2: 16:38

And you don't even remember what you did this week. And yet you did so much and sometimes you don't even feel like you've even accomplished anything. But when you take the time to do that positive focus, when you celebrate the effort along with the result, I think that helps you give yourself a little bit more grace, like okay, it helps you continue to build and keep your confidence, which I think we all struggle with in life is continuing to build our confidence and sustain that confidence.

Speaker 1: 17:05

What would you say to the listener that is using the comparison trap? And you know, when we compare ourselves to somebody else, if we're in that negative bias of that nervous system, it's never good enough and you can find all the faults of what you're not doing right where comparison should be on yourself, of how you continuously are consistent with you know, improving yourself, and that means making mistakes. I think a lot of people don't understand that learning is about making mistakes. Yet we're so conditioned to be on the honor roll because of education or getting that you know A or you know knowing everything. Where it's like really living is being confident and saying I don't know, because you're not going to know everything, but you're willing to learn. So what would you say to listeners going through that?

Speaker 2: 17:54

I think this. What I would say is this I think there's so much, there is so much talk right now about resilience and about perseverance, and how do we be resilient? And I think sometimes we forget that resilience doesn't come from the but, it doesn't come from the wins, it comes from the setbacks. We take the setbacks and we turn those setbacks in the great comebacks. And when we do that, then we start to build our resilience. It's when we're faced with an obstacle in our life and we take that obstacle and we turn it into a great opportunity is how we continue to build that, to build that resilience to keep moving forward.

Speaker 2: 18:25

You know, sometimes people say people are sometimes some of the individuals that I've worked with they'll say you know, I just don't know where I want to go, I don't know what's next for me. And sometimes the answer is people will say well, if you don't know that, then just go follow your passion. And what I believe is it's not passion first, it's actually curiosity first, because it's through our curiosity that we can start to discover what we're interested in and what we start to really get inspired about. And I think, especially this generation and especially because of what with COVID and also the uncertainty that's happening in the world right now. People are, in a way, playing it safe. We're like holding ourselves back from stepping outside of our comfort zone and trying new things and taking positive risks. And it's only through taking those positive risks and trying new things that we're going to be able to really step outside of our comfort zone and really build a life that we love around that. So it's not passion first, I believe it's curiosity first.

Speaker 1: 19:24

Yeah, I think that's one of my. That's why I use the name Nat Nat. My name is Natalie, yet my friend's son nicknamed me Nat Nat from like what? He's going to be 25 next week, so like for 23 years now, or 24. And you know some people, when I started the business model of Lift One Self, they were like maybe you should stop with this nat-nat thing and be more professional. And it was like no, I'm going to keep nat-nat because you need playfulness for this inner work. You need to unleash that curiosity. You need to be in a child state kind of curiosity, because when we're children we don't have meaning, we don't have expectations, so we can explore in so many different places. When we start to develop, that's where the meaning starts to come into our mind, and then the expectations, and then it starts to diminish that curiosity. So how would you, you know, what are the tools or strategies to allow curiosity to flourish in people that may be rigid and are like what the heck are you talking about? I don't know what you mean.

Speaker 2: 20:30

I think it's exposing yourself to new things, but it's also taking the time to read and to be in a dialogue and to be in conversations that we're having right now, because language is generative. So, you know, our words create our reality. You know, I had a football coach in high school. He used to say you know, people say talk is cheap, Talk's not cheap. People make talk cheap. I think that we really need to honor our words and we need to honor our actions and that's how we start to really build a life of integrity, build a life of character. So, yeah, that to me is, I think one of the most important things is to be aware of the language that we're using, of our words, the power of our self-talk. You know, Nat Nat right, we have 60, 70,000 thoughts a day. That's what they say the average person has. And now the studies have shown in neuroscience that you know 90% of those 80 to 90% of those thoughts that we have not only the same thoughts as yesterday, but those are negative thoughts. So I really would share with the listeners here that if you know, if you're going through a time right now of challenge and transition and change how, what kind of language are you using and speaking and not only to others, but also to yourself? How are you talking to yourself the power of self-talk? Are you saying I'm such a bad person, I'm not good enough or I'm not worthy? Or are we saying you know what? I am capable, I am strong, I am smart, I have the ability to get through this, I have everything I need right now to succeed? The power of self-talk, I just think, is so important. And then how we talk to ourselves influences those around us as well, Cause people feel that energy.

Speaker 2: 22:09

I'll give you a quick example.

Speaker 2: 22:10

Last summer I was golfing with my son and we paired up with another father and his son and we get up to the tee box and the the father hits a, hits his first tee off into the woods and he goes oh, I'm such an idiot, oh, that was so, I'm so bad.

Speaker 2: 22:27

And then we go to another hole and he starts. He starts swearing about how he's a lousy putter. Well, then we get to the fifth hole and he's still calling himself all these names about how lousy he is and how bad he is. And next thing you know his son's like on the ninth hole, his son hits a. His son says I'm such an idiot, I'm so bad, so he's just modeling exactly how his dad was behaving. So I just think we need to really be aware of the language that we're using and how we talk to ourselves, and then also the conversation we're having with people and what we're focused on, Because there is a lot of chaos going on in the world, but if we keep talking about the chaos and the chaos and the chaos, then we're just, we're feeding it.

Speaker 1: 23:13

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And that's why I have these conversations to empower people to understand, like where you're giving the example of the father, many people don't even understand that they are identified with the nervous system and the nervous system is bred in negative bias. It has one function don't die. So it's always seeing problems and acknowledge it so that you can go back into the space, the space of presence, the space of opportunity, the space of the unknown and uncertainty. Yet, you know, we don't even recognize some of the language was the language of people that were around us when we were younger and we're just regurgitating because we didn't know how to feel our emotions, like when you're hearing that man and the frustration and not getting to where the expectation is that by bypassing and not feeling your emotions, it just goes into the negativity rather than be curious and be like, oh, this is interesting and how can I change that? Yet you know the sometimes the black and white thinking can be very challenging for people. That well, you know. Just say black and white thinking can be very challenging for people. That well, you know. Just say this and have positive talk.

Speaker 1: 24:30

I think the middle piece is okay. Well, understand your biology a little bit more and you won't have to force this positive talking. It will just come intuitively because the fear will melt into the love. It's not one or the other, it's how do we integrate the two? And how are we aware, as you said and I appreciate you highlighting that if you keep focusing on the chaos, it's going to feel like chaos. Your nervous system is going to be riddled with fear. So be very cautious of the content of visually hearing environments. You have to take care of you because we're very easily influenced. As much as you can have a guard up, after a while, things can erode and things can diminish all the work that you've put into yourself. So always be, you know, curious and have those accountability people around you. Is that one thing that you've relied on is having a circle of accountability of of people that will remind you of worth and that you can mirror that back to them also?

Speaker 2: 25:37

Absolutely, I think. I think I think there are three cores, and you just mentioned it is that you know if we're going to continue to build our confidence and if we're going to continue to be able to embrace change and we're going to continue to build our confidence and if we're going to continue to be able to embrace change and we're going to navigate life's transitions with clarity, confidence and purpose, I think it starts with being in the present moment and then I think it continues with, once we're in the present moment, we have to make sure that we're choosing our attitude and our mindset, because you can always choose your attitude, you can choose your mindset. So for me, it's a process of being in the present moment, choosing the attitude that I want to have. We're not talking toxic positivity here. We're talking about it's a powerful choice of your attitude, of how are you seeing the world around you, your mindset of how am I going to live today, this moment. So, present moment, attitude, choosing your attitude, then seeking the support and connection who you're surrounding yourself with when you have the choice to do so, because the company that we keep plays a huge role, not just in terms of how we feel. It plays a huge role in the choices and decisions that we make, because one of the greatest influences in our lives I truly believe that beyond ourselves, beyond our faith and our values, is the company that we keep. All growing up, my dad would remind me. You know, remember, there are two things that will separate you from others the books that you read and the company that you keep. So when we have the choice to do so, we surround ourselves with those positive people in our life.

Speaker 2: 26:59

I think, then, it's our environment. You know, it's not just who we surround ourselves with, it's what we surround ourselves with, whether it's the quotes, the pictures, the things that inspire us, the things that remind us of where we want to go, what we want to achieve, taking the time to light a candle, taking the time to light some incense, keeping our space zen or as clean or as neat as possible. There's research now that shows that that if you have clarity around you and your environment, then you're a little bit more at ease. The energy is able to flow more. So it's who we surround ourselves, it's what we surround ourselves with. I also think that now and I know you've talked about this before is the power of our body language, of our physiology, of how we sit and how we stand and how we move. And part of that is our breath, right, it's like breathing in and taking that in it changes everything. So we need to be aware of who we're surrounding ourselves with. What are we surrounding ourselves with, our body language, our physiology, and then really getting excited about what are our goals, what are we up to in our life. It's always amazing when sometimes I'll ask people so what are you up to? What are your big goals? No-transcript. You know I spend a lot of time working with kids and I'll always tell the kids to dream big and you know where do you want to go and who do you want to become. And I think it's a message not just for kids, it's also for adults. I mean, even my wife and I, our kids, are about to. We'll be empty nesters next year and you know so what's next for us? And so it's exciting. That's there's, there's all kinds of possibilities there. So to the listeners right now are like maybe feeling a little bit lost or feeling like you know what's next, to really just take the time to reflect. To really just take the time to reflect Like where do you want to go, like what's next for you and many of your listeners, I know, have probably heard this exercise before, but I think it's.

Speaker 2: 29:11

I love doing the every year. For the past 30 years I've made a dream board, a vision board, and I go and I put on my favorite music, and music anchors your emotions. You know that, nat and Nat. And then I go through and I go through the magazines of my interest and I'll find pictures of my goals and my dreams and where I want to go. And it's not a collage of pretty pictures, it's something that really just helps me. It doesn't mean that I just put it up there and a lot comes true, but it just keeps me focused, because where your attention goes is where your energy goes, and so it keeps me focused in terms of, like, what am I up to in my life, life? So sometimes when we do those dream boards, those vision boards, something like that, we're able to articulate our hopes and our desires and our wishes in a way that we wouldn't otherwise be able to articulate or express it through the spoken word or even through the written word, but through the visual pictures we're able to actually get some clarity.

Speaker 1: 30:00

Yeah, thank you for reiterating all the things that people can get into and I am very big on advocating the power of choice. You know there can be the worst thing that happens in your life and, yes, the experience, yeah, it shouldn't have happened. It's horrible, and People try to make meaning out of the situation, which some things you're not able to make meaning for it's. What are you going to choose to do with it? How are you going to show up despite what has happened to you? How are you going to alchemize or transform that? Are you just going to repurpose what occurred or are you going to transmute it and change it? Because power of choice, it is as simple as that.

Speaker 1: 30:49

And when you say that, some people might be like, yeah, easy for you to say they just haven't tapped in to recognize the autonomy and the power within their minds Because they're so, like I say, identified with that nervous system that everything just looks black and everything goes wrong for me and everything is this where they're not recognizing. Okay, well, breathe and feel through that fear, yet recalibrate and find the power of choice. You know we have great examples Nelson Mandela, for two decades being imprisoned and coming back out and being able to share dinner with the person that imprisoned him. And coming back out and being able to share dinner with the person that imprisoned him these things are possible. Viktor Frankl, you know a man searching for meaning. That is another great example of somebody that went into the trenches of the darkest parts of humanity and made a choice of how he was going to show up. So it's not like it's not possible, it's just being able to ignite that power of choice.

Speaker 2: 31:49

Everything we've talked about here in this conversation has come down to a choice, because it's really in every year of our life we have the power to choose. We do, we choose our attitude, we choose to be in the present moment. Oftentimes, when we have the choice to do so, we can surround ourselves with the people we want to surround ourselves with. When we have, you know, we have a choice in terms of the environment the environment that at least that's around us, that we can shoot, you know, control around us, that, okay, at least I can choose, at least have my desk right here, be be in a space of, of, of Zen, be a space where it's clear whether it's clutter free, so that I'm not distracted, and all that. It's all choices. I think one of the most powerful choices we can make is to not let our past determine our future, or to not let where we come from determine or limit where we can go or what we can achieve. I think the other great choice that we have the power to make is and we talked about it earlier is the choice to ask for help.

Speaker 2: 32:42

People say you have to do the work, you have to do the work, you have to do the work and people say what do you mean? What's the work? Well, the work, is to say, is to bring that mindfulness and the consciousness of saying why am I thinking the way I'm thinking or why am I feeling the way I'm feeling, and getting present to how I'm feeling. We've seen great changes in the last 10 years, with people being able to say I need some help and go get therapy and to do some counseling, and, and I, I, I don't think that should be ever be put off, I think it should be embraced. I've worked with a hypnotherapist now for for over a decade and it's been powerful work for me. So I just, once again, I think to the listeners here you know, to ask for help, and and and then to accept the listeners here you know, to ask for help and then to accept the help too, not just ask for it, but to then to receive it.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Yeah, receiving is a very vulnerable state. It's very powerful to give because you're an empowered state. To receive means a vulnerability and that's the work I know that's the biggest work for myself is receiving. So that has been something that I have engaged in in the past few years to do that work. So, yeah, asking for help but allowing yourself to receive it and knowing that you're deserving of receiving that love and compassion, that understanding that also you know somebody helping you to reframe your perspective, I think that's the biggest healing part of the shift, because when your perspective is only seen one way, when you shift it you can see it a different way. It's like I never knew there was this side of the world or this side of life and feeling internally, even though there could be chaos on the outside, internally it feels good and it kind of blows your mind where that doesn't kind of make sense. Yet you understand what that inner work looks like and feels like.

Speaker 2: 34:34

Yeah, nat, you made a great point about that. You know the giving and the receiving. And you're like, yeah, it's hard for people to receive sometimes, to receive the help. And it's not just help, I think it's also even just a gift from someone, even a gift of saying, hey, I want to help you, or I, I, I want to give this to you. And you're like no, I'm all set, I don't need it. I'll give you an example. It just happened.

Speaker 2: 34:58

The other week I was working with a. I was working with a client and they had reached out to me the week before. They reached up to my office and they were like well, ed's coming early in the morning, does he drink coffee? We'd like to get him a coffee and we'd like to make sure you know it. Does he have like any breakfast choice? We'd like to get him a muffin from this great muffin shop in the in the town. And so my Susan, my manager, she, she said, she called me up and said do you want? Do want a coffee, do you want a muffin, and all that. And I was like no, I'm all set. I'm all set, I'll be fine.

Speaker 2: 35:32

So then, when I got there to the event and I was talking with the client, she said, oh, she's, I wanted to get you some coffee and I wanted you to get that muffin. And I was like, yeah, no, I'm all set. I know you had a lot going on and I didn't need you to go get me a coffee and the muffin. And it was so profound. She looked at me and she said you know, it was more, it wasn't about the coffee and the muffin.

Speaker 2: 35:54

She goes, I just wanted to, like I wanted to really celebrate, celebrate you being here. And she said to me she goes, you know, that was going to be, that was kind of my gift to you. And I and you know I didn't, I wasn't able to do that and I just thought it was so profound. Like sometimes we shut people down when they offer to help and say, hey, I want to make you a cake, and you're like, no, I don't, I don't want the cake, except the cake, except the gift. And I was reminded of that last week. I was like, wow, when someone offers something to you like that and you think you're saving them time, you're saving them inconvenience, it's actually not, you're actually almost pushing them away.

Speaker 1: 36:33

Yeah, yeah. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that. I think that's going to resonate it resonates with me and I'm sure there's a lot of other people that will resonate of recognizing you're denying other people from the gift of showing their appreciation for you that's it and highlighting you, which can be really uncomfortable when you're a giver and wanting to empower other people to really receive that for yourself that you are appreciated.

Speaker 1: 37:02

I think that's one of our biggest works, like that's one phrase that I leave with everybody, even my sons. When they leave, they're like I appreciate you, mom. But when I go through the drive-thrus or anybody is servicing me, I'm like I appreciate you, and some of them just jolt because they've never heard that. Or some get teary eyed because they haven't heard that, and I think we need to have that more in our language. That you're appreciated, not for what you do, not for what you're like. You know what you can accomplish. Just as you're being. You are appreciated so that you can cultivate and grow from there.

Speaker 2: 37:37

I think when you appreciate someone and when you look, when you're appreciating someone, you're acknowledging someone and you're you're, you're letting them know I see you. I think that see you. I think it's one of the biggest things that all human beings need is that we all want to feel like we belong and we all want to feel like we've been seen and we've been heard. I do a lot of work helping students make transitions, like into their first year of college, and that's one of the things that we all and right now, our daughters right now getting ready to go off to college and you know what do I want for her? You know I want her to feel safe. But then the next thing I wanted to feel is that she belongs, that she feels belongs and that she's been seen and heard and that she knows that she matters. And I think that's what we all want. We all want to feel like we belong, but we all want to feel like we've been seen and that we've been heard. And that's why that goes back to the present moment again, Nat, because we can only let people know that they're being seen and heard if you're present, if you're really with them.

Speaker 2: 38:37

I have a podcast called Parents Navigating the Teen Years and it's one of the biggest questions I get from parents. They'll say well, how do you know? I'm trying to really connect with my team and they seem to be pulling away and I'm like are you really present, Are you really right there in the moment and are you really listening to their words and are you really observing and watching them? Because you can't be at dinner and be on your phone and then have a conversation while you're still on your phone. The multitasking does not work and people still justify it. But I know phones have been a great tool and technology has been a great tool, but I think the more we get connected through technology, the more we're getting disconnected from real relationships.

Speaker 1: 39:21

It's a real addiction. It really hits our chemical receptors and everything else. So biologically you know as much as people want to engage and it sounds great in theory to actually physically do it. You go through a lot of things viscerally inside your body and it's to have space to understand why that's going on and why it's so addicting. I'm mindful of time, so I want to bring you into a reflective question. I want to ask you what do you think your past self would say to you right now?

Speaker 2: 39:54

I think my past self would say to me look how far you've come, look how much work you've done, and to be gentle with yourself.

Speaker 1: 40:05

And what would your future self say about fear?

Speaker 2: 40:09

I think my future self will say about fear is that it's made up and that it's not about being afraid and it's not about being fearful, it's about being fearless. And I think we can be fearless when we live our life through gratitude, through our faith, and really align our thoughts and our feelings and our actions. When we do that, then I think that fear goes away, because we know in our heart what really matters and what we stand for and what we believe in.

Speaker 1: 40:42

Now, this is a deeper reflection. Now, this is a deeper reflection. What would your body say if?

Speaker 2: 40:48

it had a microphone. Thank you, thank you, thank you for the gift of life.

Speaker 1: 40:58

Beautiful. Now I know many listeners are like where can we find Ed? So can you let the listeners know where they?

Speaker 2: 41:03

can find you and your offerings. Sure Thanks, nat. Nat, you can find me at my website. It's edgeritycom, it's E-D-G-E-R-E-T-Y and you can find information about my keynotes, my workshops and my books as well.

Speaker 1: 41:18

Thank you. Now I'm going to ask you from the heart what is one intention you want to leave with the listeners?

Speaker 2: 41:26

My intention for the listeners here is to do the work, which means to keep exploring and take the time to read, read books on things that you're questioning and things that you're curious about. Take the time to keep listening to these podcasts this podcast and other podcasts that can help you grow and to learn, because we only grow if we continue to put ourselves out there. So my intention for the listeners is to keep doing the work, keep exploring, keep asking the questions. Why do I feel this way? Where am I going? What do I stand for? What do I believe in? What really matters in my life? And I think that those are important questions to ask, and sometimes we're afraid to shine a light on those. But I think when we do shine a light and we start to answer those questions and we get complete with things that we've been through in our past, then we're that much closer to navigating our way to a life that we love.

Speaker 1: 42:21

Well, I want to say I appreciate you, ed, and thank you for coming here and being vulnerable. I appreciate you, ed, and thank you for coming here and being vulnerable, really showing some parts of your personal aspect as well as your professional, and really the passion that you have of wanting to bring the messages out, to empower people, to create community. So thank you so much for all that you do in the world and the light that you shine. Thank you, nat. Nat, I love your spirit and I love the difference that you're making in the world and the light that you shine.

Speaker 2: 42:46

Thank you, nat. Nat, I love your spirit and I love the difference that you're making in the world.

Speaker 1: 42:50

Thank you, I receive that. Please remember to be kind to yourself. Hey, you made it all the way here. I appreciate you and your time. If you found value in this conversation, please share it out. If there was somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. Somebody that popped into your mind, take action and share it out with them. It possibly may not be them that will benefit. It's that they know somebody that will benefit from listening to this conversation. So please take action and share out the podcast. You can find us on social media on facebook, instagram and TikTok under Lift One Self, and if you want to inquire about the work that I do and the services that I provide to people, come over on my website, come into a discovery, call liftoneselfcom. Until next time, please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.