From Survival Mode to Sacred Space: Reparenting Through Therapy

What happens when a high school English paper becomes a 911 call that saves a family?

In this deeply vulnerable episode, fractional COO and horsewoman Kallai Plummer takes us through her transformation from survival mode single mother to conscious parent and the therapy journey that made it possible. We open with a grounding breathwork practice before diving into the messy, beautiful work of healing generational trauma.

Kallai reveals how her daughter's cry for help became her own catalyst for change, leading both mother and daughter into parallel therapy journeys with the same therapist. The result? A complete rewiring of their relationship, from angry silence to radical honesty.

In this episode, you'll discover:

• How to recognize your nervous system as a "wild stallion" you can ride, not tame
• The difference between integration and suppression in trauma work
• Why returning to horses after 20 years became narrative alchemy for Kallai
• The parking lot mishap that revealed everything about reparenting
• How to listen without fixing when your child (or anyone) shares pain
• Why generational trauma is really about nervous system replication
• Practical somatic tools for regulation in everyday moments
• How to build a business that doesn't run you (boundaries as nervous system care)

This isn't a quick-fix episode. It's a honest map for the long game of healing complete with therapy hangovers, next-morning lifts, and the courage to show up differently than you were raised. Whether you're a parent, leader, or anyone committed to breaking cycles, Kallai's story offers both permission and practical tools.

Connect with Kallai:

• Instagram: @_kalandco
• Website: www.thekalandco.com/links
• Podcast: That Big CEO Energy

"You have an opportunity to embrace what will happen and what you can make happen, and you have an opportunity to write it differently." - Kallai Plummer

Subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations that honor the mess and celebrate the integration.

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Grounding Breath And Intention

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 0:00

Welcome to the Lift One Self Podcast, Callie. I am so thankful you're here with me.

Kallai Plummer 0:05

Thank you for having me. It's truly a pleasure.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 0:08

Let's take a breath together. I'll ask you to close your eyes and just begin breathing in and out through your nose. Not trying to force your breath. Just observe it going in and out and moving with its rhythm. Allowing our breaths and our hearts to join. Just staying with your breath. Allowing yourself to drop into your body. Allowing there to be a relaxation. And your heart opening up. Staying with your breath. Opening up your heart. Allowing your knees. Allowing our heart to feel safe and open. And always remembering to come back to our breath to feel grounded. So when you're ready, you can gently open your eyes.

Therapy, Integration, And Biology As Guardian

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 1:12

How's your heart doing?

Kallai Plummer 1:13

Today, my heart is better than yesterday.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 1:17

Want to elaborate a little bit on that or share?

Kallai Plummer 1:21

I have had a therapy walk for the last probably two and a half years, deep work to kind of come together. And so yesterday was a therapy session, and we just go really deep and it's really, really hard. And then I let myself just be for the rest of the day to kind of you know lament on it or just process. And then I tend to wake up the next day feeling just a little rejuvenated, you know, like you can when you work through trauma, big T, little T, whatever that is, oftentimes the next day you almost feel the weight lifted off, you know, if it's not instantly. Um so yeah, today is just a little bit different. I feel myself a little bit different. So to have you sort of in company with me is just really, really lovely. Uh, because I get to now experience maybe a different side of the conversation that I would have showed up showed up with otherwise, which is refreshing.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 2:33

I love the way the universe, God, Allah, whatever name you use for your higher power connects things. And when you're ready, all these things open up and there's such a simplicity things. It's just to surrender and allow our armament to come down that we have to figure it out. And to open into that surrender, it takes a lot of work because your biology creates such a protective mechanism that you have to disarm and it it's it's difficult. Your biology is very strong, and you can never win over your biology, you have to face it and understand it. Um, like I say when I say biology, it's the nervous system, and that nervous system is like a wild stallion. And until you understand that it's a wild stallion and that you don't want to tame it, because who would want to diminish the power of a stallion? And you also definitely don't want to be dragged by it. It's learning to ride on it and being able to guide it in certain ways and use that full potential of the power and understanding that when you have trauma, that energy can be used in such a beautiful way. Yet you have to be able to face some wounds, um, a release, some suppressed emotions that you have not ever felt before. And you know, when we pushed it down with pain, that means it's going to come back up with pain.

Kallai Plummer 3:56

Absolutely.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 3:56

And I love how you just explained that it's the integration of being able to see parts of ourselves that were hidden in the dark, but they're in the light of our awareness now, that there's acceptance to actually finally integrate us ourselves as a whole with a W rather than having holes with an H. And that's what that therapy in that stillness and just being allows that integration so that you're not berating yourself with being human. And when this awareness looks back at the awareness before, it's being sure that it has radical compassion of seeing that just because you know now, it didn't mean that you knew then. And or you may have felt like you had a knowing, yet you didn't have the tools to be able to access to be able to support um the path. And where you are right now is exactly where you are to be. So thank you for honoring us with that vulnerability and sharing that with us.

Kallai Plummer 4:54

Absolutely. I would say um, I love that you use the word biology, and I tend to use the word guardian, you know, there's always just this, um, and I carried it for many years of and and think of guardian as like this big strong thing that is protecting you, right? And that's exactly what your defense mechanisms are doing. And it's funny because, a matter of fact, I just

Riding The Nervous System’s Wild Stallion

Kallai Plummer 5:20

said it this morning in a different conversation. When I showed up to tell myself, okay, you are actively choosing to go on this journey. You have opened the door of therapy. And so if it's true that you want to air quotes be well, whatever that looks like, the place that you're arriving to, right? Or you want to be, you have to go all in. There is no half foot in, half foot out. You have to do the dance. And so I knew going in that this was going to be really, really scary. Really scary, uh, just because of the way that my life has has unfolded. But I also knew that I would do myself a disservice if I didn't honor the way in which I use God. God was calling me to show up in who I am today and who he was calling me to be. If I didn't wholeheartedly take this experience, completely inviting into myself, right? If I didn't allow myself to feel all the feels and whether that's smiling every day, whether that is crying every day, whatever that looked like, I had to show up and give myself permission to be able to take the next best step for myself so that I could be here today, even having this conversation articularly, right, without tears or feeling shame or whatever that comes up with. But I think one other thing too is sitting in good company with other good people that feel good, you know, that that makes a huge difference. And so it's easy for me to be vulnerable for someone with someone such as yourself, just because it's you're so inviting.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 7:22

Thank you. Yeah, I uh and I don't take that lightly. Um, I honor that gift that I have to provide to people. Um, many have described it as a space of non-judgment. I can just be myself and not have to be guarded, and that I'm not gonna be pushed away from whatever I have to reveal or how I'm I'm showing up. Um so thank you. And thank you for giving such a good description of the journey of you know, doing that inner work. Um, it can be tedious at times, and sometimes that tedious is just we're in our own way. We are so habituated of because that's the one thing about trauma. If physiol physiologically in your body, you are accustomed to feeling a certain constraint, a certain contraction in your body. And when you start opening your heart up and and feeling relaxed and taking deep breaths, that feels like a threat at the beginning because your body has been so used to contraction and stay tight. And so the more that you change the uncomfortable into uncomfortable, you see the work of continuously using your tools, whatever that may look like, as each person has different tools to help open their heart, regulate their nervous system. And when I say open your heart, I know some people are like literally like, what do you mean open your heart? And I'm speaking about it in a spiritual perspective, that you're able to not have just your blinders on, that your heart can be open and understand that you will experience pain. Um,

Acceptance, Tools, And Radical Compassion

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 9:03

and that you have the capacity to navigate through that and go through it. Not in a way that you're putting yourself out there to be harmed. It's in a way that life it has its impermanence and you will feel pain. You have your mind that wants to create what your what you want your reality to look like forever and ever. And life has its impermanence, and it's not that it's against you or for you, it's just the way life is evolving and unfolding, and it's gonna hit your stuff sometimes. And when you are going through pain, it's you know, you contract your heart, yet it's the work to open it back up and to remember to be tethered to the joy, to tethered to the peace, tethered to still wanting to be alive, being your life force. There's some dark moments in some people's journeys that I want to just honor for a moment, whoever may be listening, that you know, that place can get really dark. Yet I want to remind you that if you're seeing the dark, it's to remember that you are the light. You may not recognize that, you may not want to feel that yet I am saying to you that you are the light, you are that light of awareness that is seeing the dark, and whatever's in the dark can be revealed in that light of awareness, and that's what that work is in trauma. So that you start lighting up those dark corners and that you can have an acceptance for all of you with a whole you. I know we just dove really deeply into this conversation, and I really appreciate this. How about you let the listeners know a little bit about you?

Kallai Plummer 10:57

Sure. Uh so obviously my name is Callie. Um, and

Nonjudgmental Space And Somatic Release

Kallai Plummer 11:02

I live here in the US. I am a fractional COO, so I uh work with women in business who are, you know, wanting to um elevate their operating systems from the back end. And um oftentimes I'm a liaison between their clients and themselves uh or their team members and themselves, whatever that that looks like, and building um kind of the team in the back end. So that is that is my my big girl job, is what I call it. Um I left corporate in the wake of 2020, um pretty much towards the end of COVID. Uh I knew I was really done and just started kind of making my exit strategy. And um I have a beautiful family, a husband, and we have blended, we're a blended family. So he has two and I have one. And um, you know, as the story goes, I was a single mom for a really long time. And so we still have navigation, you know, that we do with teen children, uh, because one has moved out and then we have two teen girls uh that are very close in age. So yeah, it's a walk and it's a journey. Um, but overall, I I have started to sort of navigate who I am in my side of the business to helping women uncover uh how they can show up as a true CEO and run their business and not let other people or their business run them. Um, because sometimes when we leave corporate and and start our jobs, we sort of look around the room of who's gonna help me sort of do this thing. And so I help them kind of uncover what that means for them and and how they want their business to function. So that's another part of who I am and when I do. But um overall, I would say that, you know, as I kind of touched on my therapy journey and and how that's kind of walking as part of that is uncovering new parts of who I am because I am in a very transition period. My daughter is a senior in high school, so uh that's a very emotional time. And we're looking at colleges, you know, we're doing all of those things that you do when you have seniors in high school, but it's a little different for me because I was a single mom for so many years, and and she really is kind of the the last one in our home. And so I'm I'm learning how to figure out who I am in in the middle of all of that and uh what life looks like with my husband, you know, as we sort of transition to quote unquote empty nesthood. And um so that's a huge part of sort of what my exploration journey looks like now and who I'm trying to figure out who I am and and I want to become, uh, because I I think that everybody has an evolution to them. And um, that includes getting back into horses after 20 some years of not being in them. So that's been a new and exciting journey, and and that's what I'm up to lately. Tell me more about the horses. So I I was born into horses. My family has had horses for generations. My my grandma rode horses, my mom rode horses, and uh when I was 17, graduated high school, uh I was sort of forced to sell my horse, you could say. And then life happened, right? Uh you graduate high school, you go to college, you become pregnant at the age of 20. I mean, most people don't, but I did. And um so uh life just started happening, and then I had to learn how to survive. And I was a single mom, and so I had all of that journey. And then I had gotten to a place in my business and kind of a place in in therapy, too, to be honest, where I had worked through a lot of the trauma, the defense mechanism had come down greatly. And I was looking around the room, just kind of saying to myself,

Meet Callie: COO, Mom, And Mentor

Kallai Plummer 15:13

what's next? Like, what can I fill my time with now? Because I feel like when we are full of trauma and we are full of all of these thoughts, we find things to just put in our lives that keep us busy. And we don't necessarily understand the power of no, especially as a woman. And so when I started exercising and finding my voice and saying no to a lot of things that no longer served me, I really was yearning for something that would be my own and not have myself tied to other people in my family or other people that needed me, but that it was an activity that I knew and loved. And the clear answer was always horses. Um, when I was growing up, that was because I was walking through so much trauma, especially during those formative years. I really leaned on my horse to provide me that peace, which he did beautifully. And that was my escape was going to the barn. And when I had reached the point now in adulthood that I was looking for a horse, it wasn't so that it would save me. And I was just trying to find something that would bring me joy, not that I didn't have joy already or that I hadn't arrived at joy, but just something extra fun to just give me a little bit of the positive that I was looking for out of the childhood that never really came, unless it was with my horse, right? And so it may seem a little bit weird and a little bit different, but that's how I kind of arrived at the decision and I hemmed and hawed at it for a long time. And and finally my husband said, Listen, you've been talking about this for months. Either do it or don't. But I'm encouraging you to do it because I know without a shadow of a doubt, if you do this for yourself, you're gonna be so much happier. So I ended up just pulling the trigger because I thought I you sometimes you just have to tell yourself, just do it and figure out the rest later. And that's exactly what I did.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 17:33

Um I'm an energy healer, so I saw that vulnerable part that was coming in that you had to reflect back in what that horse represented. And just to give you some verbiage, it's that you rewired some of those memories.

Kallai Plummer 17:48

Absolutely.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 17:49

That it wasn't uh a place of escape now that you have control over creating a safe place to feel joy and not having to hide. I just want to honor that little girl in you by that memory and knowing how that was part of your therapy also and that choice. Take a moment, take

Horses As Joy And Rewiring

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 18:13

a moment, just take some breaths.

Kallai Plummer 18:19

I'm a crier anyway. So if I just start in, it is very comfortable. It just comes, you know. Yeah, and I never used to be that way.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 18:30

And tears are not sadness, tears are a plethora of emotions that you just got a download of something, and your brain and mouth cannot produce all of what you're feeling in the sensations, and so it's as I say to people, I'm like, the tears are helping you not be a steampot and the lid flying off because you're not allowing the steam to be released. And so recognizing just like a pressure cooker, you have to let go of the steam before you can lift up the lid. And many of us aren't doing that, and then wondering why there's explosions going on in a in a world where, you know, just to do this moment, which can feel like such a threat, because it's like, oh my gosh, it's taking too long, where it's just, you know, just a few seconds and moments, and we're still able to have a conversation. We're not honoring that in society, we're not honoring that as our humanity. It's as if we're supposed to be desensitized and just, you know, your personal life doesn't come to work and it's like, but I am a person, like everything is inside me. There's no shutting things off. So again, thank you for that vulnerability and allowing me to enter into that space with you. Um, because I saw it and it's it's it's significant where a lot of people may not have seen it yet because of the work that I do, I I see those little parts and you know, um the bravery it took to walk through that memory and those sensations, and also to see the joy and and courageousness and bravery of yourself recreating and rewiring your brain to have a different story with horses. So thank you. And that, you know, whoever may be listening, that is what rewiring your brain and recreating um a new narrative to a sensation and a story that you've been tethered to, so that you can recreate um the energy within yourself when you are around a certain situation, place, or thing. Um, so you take control of that and change it as we get blockages within our system uh from memories and experiences. And to open those up, at times we have to create a new narrative, a new reprogramming so that we do not become dysregulated and triggered every time this comes up. And that requires to feel a lot of emotions that were suppressed at the moment. And the major one is fear, it's walking through that and giving it verbiage and allowing yourself to feel that and it's very uncomfortable and it is very yucky. And however, when you have a guide and someone that honors you and can witness you and give you the empowerment that you have the ability to do that somatically release. And when I say somatic, it's that the body does certain movements to release the energy that's in the body so that it's not going through the analytical mind. Um, it's it's a real honor to have that those witnesses in in that space. So thank you for you know sharing that space and that vulnerability.

Kallai Plummer 21:48

Yeah, I think uh there's some people call it reparenting too, right? Yeah, you know, exactly. I've I've spent plenty of years, you know, reparenting. And I would say that it probably started when my daughter was moving to school, that I really recognize kind of a shift of I don't want to parent her the same way that I was brought up. And it does, I mean, it does cause friction, right? With with members of family or even you know, the grandparent in this situation. And I think what I would say to those individuals that are kind of navigating, how do I even how do I even reparent? I would say that it's you owe it to yourself to do that, right? And I think a lot of times, especially in my generation, where I'm an older millennial, is I grew up with boomer parents, you could say, and um, you know, the sort of the older generation that was you are to be spoken to and not heard, you you know, it was very cooking cutter. You just you are what you are, and and you don't get emotions. And and now that we've sort of evolved to understand that that's not human nature, that is not how we as humans are supposed to show up, especially when you're in a family that should be so vulnerable to each other, right? Like they should be your safe space, and so you can create that space, if not for yourself, for maybe the children that are coming, you know, after you, if that's a plan for you, or you know, even friends that maybe don't even have that sort of safe space. Even creating that for the people that are around in your circle. For me, it showed up differently because I was able to have deep conversations even with friends that I've been friends with for many years of my life and got to know them on such a deeper and personal level that our friendships became so much more genuine and less topical, which isn't that what we all want. You know, we want to know each other in such a personal space and not have to be someone else, right? Not have to be in a space where you can't show up as your whole self. And so that's

Tears, Pressure Valves, And Humanity

Kallai Plummer 24:17

just my encouragement for everyone. I think listening is is when you do this work of yourself, it is a long and painful journey and it's very lonely, but it's so worth it. And and it's not just for yourself, right? It's for everyone else around you.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 24:32

Yeah. The change you're looking for is within yourself, it's not a share in the world, and it can be very frustrating when you see so much violence and things going amok. Yet it's always remembering that the only control you have is within yourself and how you show up with the energy. And you know, one is a million, so one person that you interact with impact that ripples out and ripples out. Yeah, how is that? You mentioned that your therapy journey came because of the conversation with your daughter. So, how has that relationship strengthened now that you were able to be open to hear her request and follow through with it? Like to honor her request, which we just said back in our generation that would have been a there's nothing wrong with me, and get out of my face. Now you had the opening of let me listen to you and actually honor and see what there is. So, how is that relationship now between the two?

Kallai Plummer 25:38

So it's interesting. I'll I'll I'll give a little backstory. Um, my daughter uh naturally has had pretty, I mean, for her 17 years of living, I would say it's pretty high trauma. And I did not, you know, when you're raising kids and you're a single mom who is just trying to make it, you really don't understand the magnitude of what is happening in their little world because you're so consumed with trying to keep them alive, right? At the very basic level. It's it's just you're just trying to survive. Yeah. And so I missed a lot of the warning signs that came. I missed a lot of um words that were spoken to me because two things. One, I wasn't anywhere near thinking about anything outside of survival. And the other thing is you mentioned the tools, right? I didn't have the tools to even understand what her pain level was at or what it had all entailed. And so, bless her, in her sophomore year of high school, she had an opportunity to write a paper for English class. And that's her story to tell. But at the end of that, I received a phone call from her teacher and said, we have a 911 situation. And she said, I have some resources that I can provide you, but I'm going to tell you that I would highly recommend some action. And she said, I'll forward you what has been written, and you can tell me if I'm crazy. Or, you know, maybe you're already dealing with something at home, whatever that may be. And after I read it, my heart broke into a million pieces and I felt like a failure. I felt like, um, what do you mean? You know, where was I during all of this stuff? Every natural thing that would come out of a parent reading something like that, I had every single emotion and walked

Reparenting And Safer Families

Kallai Plummer 28:00

through probably every stage of grief in the matter of seven minutes. And so I knew right then and there that if I didn't take action, I probably would be mourning the death of a child. And so I took, I, I took the resources that were available to me. And um, you know, of course, we live in America, so health insurance is quite interesting. And um multiple hoops later, she she was in therapy, very intense therapy, wonderful resource that I was able to get. And we're really, really blessed to be able to have her as a a true partner in our family. And so I knew right then and there when she enrolled in therapy, I let it go for about a six-month period to see is there traction? Is it quote unquote working, right? We always want to see results. That's just how we're humanly wired. But I started to see those instantly. And now, from my daughter's perspective, what came to be a very angry, angry individual, clam, shell closed, just I can't even put it into words how different she was to now. I mean, it is it's a complete 180. But after that six months, I started to have a really big pull at my heart. And I thought to myself, if your child is in therapy, you need to be in therapy too. Because this is a family situation that is not, this is not just my my kid just needs some therapy and she's gonna be fine. And so I showed up to the same therapist. And I've also been with the same therapist that my daughter has for, you know, these past two and a half years. But now my daughter and I are able to have really, really hard conversations which she feels comfortable saying the most vulnerable parts of her without judgment. And I remember one instance when she had first gotten a driver's license, and it was kind of like during this transitional time that we've had. And she took the car to the store. And, you know, they have the light poles in the um in the parking area. And she pulled up to the post and and just bumped in. And I remember her saying to me, I didn't want to call you because I knew you were going to be mad. And my heart broke again. Because I thought, my kid can't even call her mom for something so small, so small. I mean, it's a car. And I remember I was standing in Target when she called and she said, Mommy, I did something really bad. And I said, Oh my gosh, are you okay? And I could feel the sigh of relief the second I said that. And I didn't choose anger. And I didn't choose, oh my gosh, what you know, how come you weren't looking? You know, all of the things that you could say. Yeah. And she said, I didn't I didn't want to call you because I thought you would be so mad at me. And I said, Honey, I am not sad. You know, I'm not mad. Are you okay? And she said, Yeah. And I said, Okay, so I'll see you at home. And she goes, You're not even gonna ask about the car. And I said, Well, I mean, I guess I should. You know, when the car was fine and all this stuff, but in that moment, I knew I had a lot of work to do as a mom. I knew that she deserved me showing up even when right I was angry or but showing up differently because I can always show up mad, I can actively choose that, but it takes something different and this reparenting aspect, right? Of knowing that when I showed up to therapy, I said, I don't want to parent like my mom. And I love my mom dearly. Mince no words about that.

unknown 32:34

Yeah.

Kallai Plummer 32:36

But today, when she calls, she's like, oh hey, by the way, did something probably shouldn't have done, which is X, Y, and Z. And I'm like, oh, okay. So you have it figured out? And she's like, Yeah, okay. But I've always created this space now where it's it's okay to have really messy conversation, and it's okay to not get it right because you're 17 years old, and good God, how could I expect you to? I mean, you're walking a different day with different skills all the time. And so now it's just so much, I don't even have a word for it. It feels really, really good

A Daughter’s SOS And Family Therapy

Kallai Plummer 33:24

to show up in a space with my kid that has put in the work because she wanted to, and I've put in the work that I've wanted to, and we now get to consume in this place of mutual respect and and honor, um, because she understands the struggle that I went through, but she also has said to me multiple times how grateful she is for me actively choosing to show up and walk this walk with her. And I think for me, af after everything, like that's that's what I've just wanted this whole entire time, right? Of of just her like I have my mom, and my mom isn't tied to the past that she carries with her.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 34:17

Yeah, thank you for really going deep and being so vulnerable. And I want to take a moment to honor your daughter uh and you know, send her strength and tell her how brave and courageous she is. Uh to confront our parents and to not feel that we have to be the thermostat for their emotions is so challenging to understand and and to see our parents as human beings. And it's it's a whole you know process that you have to go through. Um yet thank you for doing that work of reparenting and repairing, really going into that deeper connection. And you know how they say that generational trauma, it's you know, you guys, you both have made a decision to remove that and to face it rather than just pass it on to the next, because that how I interpret the generational trauma is nervous systems replicate. So whatever the charge was that was in the nervous system, if it wasn't resolved and repaired, it just gets placed into the next nervous system. And a lot of us are we have these charges and we're like, I don't even, I can't relate to this. Like, what is all this deep sadness and pain and and all these things? And it's like, well, it's the generations of trauma. And if they haven't done the work to, you know, release and um feel, then it gets placed on to the next generation. And so thank you. And thank you for giving a vivid description of what that work looks like and giving live details of what it looks like in the moment, also, and how you know we're human. So all of a sudden there's cars, it could be a brand new car and we'll act much different than if it was just like an old piece of car, yet it's still like the the emotional well-being of a person when they are startled and being trauma-informed of how do you show up for that? And it's very difficult when you're subjective, when it's your own story. When it's somebody else, it's like we can use all the tools, yet in our own lived experience that's subjective, it takes practice and and messiness, and it's the engagement of remembering that we're both on the same team and we're wanting to build together, not against each other. And uh, so thank you for that. Thank you for that deep vulnerability. I I'm truly honored, and I know it's touching at least one person that's listening. Um and they that they can relate and that possibly they're just at the beginning stage. So it's this push to, you know what, let me go seek help, let me take the action instead of just putting something off and thinking this can't happen to me. Where yes, it it's you know, we're in a a space now where a lot of mental well-being is very fragile and social media is having a significant impact on our psyches. This is something that we've not ever been, you know, we weren't to find out all the information of the world. Like that's just not how our brain is meant to store all of that information and be hit constantly of feeling that we need to do something, that we feel hopeless, we feel powerless. And when you feel that way, then your nervous system goes into fear. And, you know, if there's too much of it, that's where you know, people are getting into depressions and stuff because they're overcapacitated with all of that overwhelm from their nervous system being in the fight or flight. And our younger generation, I'm thankful that they are having the bravery and the courageous spirit to speak up to actually speak about it openly and being uh enough, I'm not going to hide and I'm going to be vulnerable with this. So I'm I'm always rooting. I know a lot of people would be like, Oh, they're so rude, they're so this or so that. And I'm like, You're not listening to underneath the why. What why what is the behavior trying to show us? What is going on in the ethers? And what have we done as a generation that we just dumped onto the next generation? Because we didn't have the ability or the tools to create a proper foundation. And now it's like, oh well, you should just know better. And it's like, oh, well, do you know better? Can you actually do the walk that you're talking? Can you actually, you know, it's very easy to talk, it's much different to walk the walk. And so thank you for doing that walk and doing the inner work and repairing that relationship with yourself as well as with your daughter.

Kallai Plummer 39:13

Yeah, I think it's it's really easy to get caught up in the, you know, in in what I said earlier, which was, why didn't I know? Why didn't I see this? You know, and as a parent, that's that is like, well, how and then the other question is, why didn't she just come and say something to me? Why didn't she feel safe enough to come and say something to me? You know, and that's a call to action as a parent to reflect back and say, have I been a safe space that my daughter can come and say? And the short answer is no, right? Because otherwise we wouldn't have a letter to the school, not to the school, but you know, in that capacity. But at the same time, it's I think meeting our children where they're at. And if if

Repairing Trust Through Everyday Moments

Kallai Plummer 40:02

they feel comfortable putting it into words and telling their teacher who they love so dearly that they have a deeper connection with, that's just as beautiful than them bringing you to the kitchen table and saying, I I have something that I need, you know, from you or that I have to share with you that is equally as acceptable. And I think getting past the point of saying, why didn't I? Why should I? Right. There's woulda, shoulda, couldas that follow us along every single day of our life. But I think the the most important aspect, especially for me in this moment, working through, you know, additional things, right? Because it's not like my daughter has just arrived and now we're great and grand and wonderful. She's a teen and she's a girl and she has hormones, you know, like they're there, we're still on the roller coaster. The roller coaster is never done, right? Yeah. But I think the the ups and downs of the roller coaster become become less and less um the ups and downs of the roller coaster become become a little bit smoother. And I think when there's when there's a natural place where as a parent and a child, you can both show up in the same space with either defined or sometimes undefined sort of layers to say, I'm gonna, I'm gonna try to meet you where where you are, because sometimes you're not ready or prepared to do that because of tools that you don't have, which is totally fine. But at least the try is there, right? I'm gonna try to hear you. And that was a lot of in the beginning, what I had to say is I don't, I don't understand. I don't quite get what you're going through, but I'm gonna try to show up in this space and at least get a download of how I hear you and ask some questions, right? Like it would it be okay if I asked you questions and giving her the response of, I don't need questions, I just need you to hear me. Great, then let me hear you, you know. So for anyone that's listening and just kind of trying to understand, like, how do I even unpack this? What does this even look like? I think if we can just quietly show up with our children and say, I just, I just want to hear you. And I just want to listen to what you have to say. And sometimes it's not asking questions, sometimes it's just sitting and hearing them because that's all that's all they wanted in the first place when they made their cry, whatever that looked like, was just for someone to hear them.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 42:50

Yeah, it's also going into their world.

Kallai Plummer 42:54

Yeah.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 42:55

Being curious about their world that might, you know, overwhelm you, might look like I can't understand. I can't. It's just being able to sit in that world and not judge it, not and ask some curious questions, because you may be surprised that it looks exactly like how you were when you were younger. It just looks a little bit different with the language and what is being done. But we could quickly forget as parents and as adults what it was to be a child and what we did as children. And so, you know, as I say for myself and for the clients that I work with too, is or anybody that's listening that wants to listen to me, I measure parenting as the highest spiritual practice to learn about yourself and to have a reflection of what is required to remove the inner stuff so that you no longer have the blockages and you can flow with God, Allah, spirit, your energy force, and just be with the flow of life. Yet it's it's a roller coaster, and you know, you can either be engaged with it or not. It's either or yet when um people are overwhelmed with their parenting, it's an indication of what's going on internally. What are you possibly feeling that you don't want to feel? So you project it out with the frustration, the shutting down, the running away from your children, having them do all kinds of things and not being able to just do some connections, some deep connections with them. And deep connections doesn't mean like you're spending all day with them. It can be like 15 minutes, 20 minutes, it can be an hour. Um, yet uh yeah, parenting for me is the highest spiritual practice you can have with yourself to see um a lot of things if you're willing to. I'm mindful of time. So I'm gonna bring you into a reflective question. So I'm gonna ask you to take this awareness and go back to your 19-year-old self. Okay, and you're able to tell your 19-year-old self three words to carry you to the journey to right now. What would those three words be?

Kallai Plummer 45:14

Life will happen. It will. Whether you signed up for it, whether you went on a different trajectory, and now you're coming back. But life life will happen. There is nothing

Listening First, Then Questions

Kallai Plummer 45:30

that you can do that will stop it. But what I would say is, is you have an opportunity to embrace what will happen and what you can make happen, and you have an opportunity to write it differently. You can make mid-course corrections in life. That is your right, that is your privilege, that is who we're designed to be, is to evolve and to grow. And you should honor yourself to do that.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 46:00

Thank you. Thank you for being so reflective and sharing that. Where can the listeners find you?

Kallai Plummer 46:09

Uh, I'm most active on Instagram. Uh, that is my platform, my jam, um, underscore cal and co. And so my DMs are always open. I tell everybody this on every podcast that I have is um, you know, if you're just looking for a friend and ear, someone to direct you to resources, I'm always happy. And I know that this is a very cliche thing to say, but I'm truly honored that you would pick my DM to come and do. Um, and then I have a website, thecallinco.com, which is just a hub for my business. And I have a blog there. And then I also have um a podcast called That Big CEO Energy, where we talk about all things life, marriage, and you know, push people to a new edge of really coming into owning and driving their own life. So that's where you can find me and all the stuff and things.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 47:10

I'll be sure to put them in the show notes so that people can click on the links and uh be able to find you because sometimes people are visual more than auditory, so they're not or they're driving, so they're not able to write down everything. So I got you in the show notes, okay? I want to say thank you so much for honoring us with the most valuable thing that you have, which is your time and your presence. So thank you for accepting the call of coming on to this podcast and blessing us with your vulnerability, with your story, with your tools, and showing us what that warrior work looks like and how to honor that sacred space. So thank you for being you, Callie. It is truly an honor.

Kallai Plummer 47:55

Thank you for having this space for people. I think that that is truly a treasure. And bless you for doing the work that you do because I know it's hard. And um, you just have a beautiful heart. And I just thank you for inviting me to your space. So thank you so much.

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf 48:16

You're welcome. Remember to be kind to yourself.