Shame Is Not The Villian

We reframe shame as a protector and guide you through a simple somatic practice to meet what it guards. We share how negative bias binds your story and how gentle curiosity opens space for change and choice.

• shame functions as a bodyguard, not a villain
• negative bias fuses with identity and narrows choice
• looping personal narratives as a false form of safety
• somatic check-in with hand-on-body to invite expression
• curiosity and gentleness as tools for integration
• reclaiming the whole story to restore freedom
• building nervous system safety to face pain
• evolving awareness to see others with compassion

If you found anything of value in this podcast, I ask you to share it. It may be the medicine that somebody is waiting for. Please like, subscribe, and share. Help build this community.

Chapters

• 0:00 Rethinking Shame’s Role
• 1:15 Negative Bias And Identity
• 2:00 The Bodyguard Metaphor
• 3:10 Stories That Trap And Tighten
• 4:30 Guided Somatic Check-In
• 6:00 Gentle Questions For Shame
• 7:30 Integration, Wholeness, And Choice
• 11:50 Closing And Community Invitation

Transcript

NatNat Be - LiftOneSelf: 0:00

You know what I've noticed? We hear a lot about we shouldn't feel shame, that shame is garbage, that guilt is toxic. And I get it. I understand why people say that. Yet what if I told you that shame isn't the villain in your story? What if shame is actually a bodyguard? Stay with me, okay? I know some of you guys are gonna be like, what? Bodyguard? Bodyguard to what? Well, bodyguard to places that you haven't really accessed. Some vulnerable, sensitive places. And you see, the thing about shame is it tends to always get wrapped up with negative bias. And that negative bias has a real armament to it. And many of us don't know how to face that. We just think we are that, and we're not that. Yet it can be really difficult to differentiate and recognize that you are not the shame. When I work with people, when I hold space for them to drop into their bodies and really feel what's there, shame shows up a lot and it's fierce. It's like a pit bull just guarding its property. It's protective. It's that part of you that hunches your shoulders, that makes you want to hide, that creates this tension that feels like there's a cat about to pounce with your back against the wall. Or maybe it's like it becomes really intensified with that negative bias I just mentioned and has you filled with doom and fear and apathy. Yet here's what most people don't understand. Shame isn't trying to hurt you. Shame is trying to protect you from something deeper, something more vulnerable, something that feels too tender, too raw, too exposing to touch. So imagine if it has that role, how is it going to let go of it? And that's where your work starts to develop and you begin creating these tools to integrate the shame, to feel it. And we learn that our story and expressing it is important. Yet the way that we hold it is very impactful. It's the difference between we being able to use the power, or the power is used to suppress and keep us prisoner. See, our stories can contort us, it can distort us, even make us ill if we keep holding on to that narrative and not allow it to evolve and be expressed. Know where we ruminate and we keep talking about the same story over and over again. That's a bit of shame holding on, not thinking that we can go beyond this, that we have to keep saying the same story because that's the only way that we'll be protected. To go out into the unknown and gather more lived experience and open our hearts feels too much like a threat. It feels safer to just loop in the narrative of the story. And that's where shame grows its power. And that's the thing about shame. When we hold it, when we let that bodyguard keep everyone away, that story gets stronger. The shame gets heavier, our bodies get tighter. Being tense and tight, that feels like safety to our nervous system. Yet it's not freedom. And many of you know that. I'm sure when you're hearing about shame, there might be some narratives or stories or even some physical sensations that are coming up in your body. And if they are, I ask you to pause for a minute and access that sensation. And wherever it is, place your hand on it. Invite it in. Invite it to be witnessed, to be seen. Hold that sensation and let it know it's protected and it can release the narrative. It can really allow itself to be expressed now. You know what I've noticed is that shame has such a bad rap. It's said that it's garbage. Guilt is said that it's toxic. And I get why people say that, because protective mechanisms are really challenging to engage with. Yet what if I told you that shame isn't the villain? It's a bodyguard. Yeah, it's a bodyguard for something that's even more sensitive and vulnerable. And many of us don't know how to interact with that. Because a lot of times when shame comes up, there is a shutdown. There is a feeling that whatever the negative bias and the intrusive thoughts are saying, that that's what your identity is, that the circumstances are who you are. And that's not true. So it's recognizing and allowing there to be a space of listening, of curiosity, of gentleness, of asking some questions to that shame, of really asking it, what are you trying to hide? Like, see shame as this kind of bodyguard and it's at the door and it's there to guard that door. Yet behind that door is this little version of you. Yet it won't let you get to that little version until it feels that there's safety, that that little version will be listened to, that that little version can express itself before it gets shut down. Because usually shame came in as a protective because there was something that was painful that happened. Or there was a narration of some big emotions that came up and there wasn't the ability to process. So shame came in to do its duty to help protect you from that pain. And what we know about pain is there's no avoiding it. You can delay it, you can numb it, you can run from it, yet it doesn't go away. Because once you return back into your body, it comes back and knocks at the door and says, Hello, I'm still here. I'm still needing some processing. And many of us are like, fuck no, I don't want this. Yet when you can start doing that work of integration and processing, that's where the freedom lies. So shame shows up in different ways for people. It can tightness, it can have hunched shoulders, it can have apathy, a frozen state, it can be anger, defensiveness. It shows up differently for each individual in the biology and whatever narrative was constructed, constructed in that experience. So while you're listening to this shame, I'll ask you to be curious of where does it show up in your body? And if it's showing up right now, I'll ask you to bring your hand to it and just place your hand and hold it. I know that's uncomfortable. A lot of things are gonna come up, or maybe nothing will come up. However, I'm just gonna ask you to be with that and invite it to communicate. Tell it that it's safe to express. Tell it that you're here to to witness and you're not going to abandon yourself. That you will be here with all of you. And let that shame express itself a little more and melt down its armament so that what's underneath and behind it can now communicate with you. I did this uh during a podcast last night, and because the person had willingness, there was a significant integration. There were tears, there were a's there was exhilaration, and most of all, there was connection with all of them, that they weren't only stuck up in their head trying to analyze the shame, that they actually allowed it to surrender and reveal what it has been protecting. And when we get into those moments, they are significantly vulnerable. And our nervous system doesn't like it, it's gonna run and find the home in the chaos, the predictability, the uncomfortableness. Yet if we can allow ourselves to just give a little more space for the things that are in the shadows, so that it can come to the light of our awareness, and that those splintered parts of ourselves can come back into a wholeness with a W. So that we hold the whole of our story, not just the great parts or the parts that feel okay, and that we shun away the parts that feel so uncomfortable that we want to shed and hide ourselves from. Wow, that went on. Yet guess what? Your body keeps all of it, it's storing all of it, so you can't hide from it. You can try to, you can use a lot of things to numb, and sometimes it's needed because there's the overwhelm. However, when you can hold your whole story, that's where you can start making conscious choices of action and create the story that you want to be in, and create that radical compassion for yourself. And you know what happens? Your awareness starts to evolve. And then you start coming out of your story and you start seeing for other people what their story looks like and what they may not see about themselves. So when shame comes up for yourself and there's possibly negative bias that gets wrapped into it, just I would ask that if you can be curious, be gentle, and ask it. What are you really trying to hide from me? Because I'm willing to face and integrate with all of me. So thank you for being here. Thank you for doing this inner work. So this has been the Lift One Self Podcasts, and I'm your host, Nat Nat. And if you found anything of value in this podcast, I ask you to share it. It may be the medicine that somebody is waiting for. Please like, subscribe, and share. Help build this community. I appreciate you. Please remember to be kind and gentle with yourself. You matter.